Tuesday, July 23, 2024


 Rainy weather. Some inconveniences and dampened spirit. But it's nothing, there is something to be happy and excited about. That's what should I should focus

Monday, July 22, 2024


 Yeah, no matter how smooth you try to cover all bases, there's always this mishap that you will always get the short end of the stick. It's so annoying. I'm freaking tired. I want those involved to realize it on their own because despite doing all your best, you still get that awful treatment. They should know better how to treat things better. Speaking up to deaf selfish ears won't matter. A lose-lose situation so what's the point of fighting back, setting things right. Just bury deep inside like what you always do, right? Just pretend you didn't get hurt. Maybe you'll finally feel free without guilt. Without worry. But this is not it. Just bottle it all up and divert attention. That's what you always do anyway, right? Maybe someday you'll get the appreciation you deserve, Maybe it will be all worth it in the end. Maybe

Sunday, July 21, 2024


 I'm exhausted looking after things. I don't want to feel this way because the alternative is much worst given how I am such a paranoid person but I'm just perpetually tired. It's something beyond my control even if I try not to feel it but I just can't help it. I feel trapped because even if I try to escape the guilt and fear will linger on so there's no sense of peace anyway. I have no choice but deal with these things every single day. Last year, I tried to do an escape and just led to bigger consequences. So yeah, just sit down and deal with it. 

Saturday, July 20, 2024


 Another thing added to my list of stressors right now. But praying hard that this will not lead to bigger and more complicated things because frankly speaking I'm having difficulty dealing with what I'm shouldering now but I just carry on. Another one will just push me even harder to misery. And I don't want to feel this way especially it affects loved ones.  I really need to be strong yet again but I'm so overwhelmed with everything.  

Friday, July 19, 2024


As things dry up, I am getting paranoid again!  I hope something comes up soon because I really don't want to be stressed again about this matter. But I need to calm down and just hope and pray, new windows will open soon. 

Thursday, July 18, 2024

Yeah, Again.

 I really should have not raised my hopes up because now I'm disappointed and admittedly prematurely at that. It's the same rodeo with so much uncertainty. Same process and perhaps the same result. I wish it was not but I've seen this before and most of the time it ends up like this. I will just have to carry on again and hope for the best later on. 

Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Hope so

In less than an hour, something will happen which I hope will lead to fruitful results. We really need it.  As I see things dwindle, I start to panic already although I need to relax really because it's not an alarming level yet but I'm just so paranoid that any signs of weakness gives me so much scared already. I hope to hear good news tomorrow. 

Tuesday, July 16, 2024


I could do so much if I didn't get interruptions every now and then. Some of my own doing but some are out of the blue anxiety inducing moments that really ruins my process because my goes haywire and I can't find the energy to finish things. And I need it so bad now. 

Monday, July 15, 2024


 Finished quite a lot today then tomorrow, I will take on yet another challenge, it's something that's more difficult but I survived it last week so I can again this time. But still kinda scared of things because it is drying up but hopefully something comes soon enough!

Sunday, July 14, 2024


I've been trying to avoid exposing my self too much with anxiety-inducing world affair news . Sometimes, I can't resist and everytime I do, it instantly reminds why I avoid it in the first place. I just don't the head space to handle those things anymore.