Friday, August 19, 2022

Blur

 My mind has been so preoccupied the past week that right now I feel so confused about what to do next. There are a million things I NEED to accomplish but the timing is just not right. I can't function but I need to make it work. For my sanity as well. 

Thursday, August 18, 2022

Maybe

 So perhaps it wasn't really what I feared and it was just something to shake our consciousness. But for now, I'm managing my expectations. I went through so much hell in my mind where I basically made myself so miserable. It isn't over yet but things, hopefully, are turning around. Please give me this to us Lord.

Wednesday, August 17, 2022

Disoriented

 I hate to feel this way, that now I prefer the sadder option because if this continues it is basically just one big hell for all of us. Maybe there's still hope but I feel scared. Not gonna lie I'm questioning everything about why this happening and how it has gotten worst that surpasses even my worst fears. Maybe we deserve it. Or do I deserve it? My mind is spiraling and keeping it together is harder than usual but please Lord listen to my prayer. I beg you

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

Mistake

 So yeah it's pretty clear, that we made a mistake. In the back of my head, I knew this was a possibility but I was hoping it wasn't because it was the easier choice but nope fate slapped us back and now we are in the worst-case scenario. A nightmare. And I don't know what to do next, 

Monday, August 15, 2022

Standing on the Edge

 Here it goes again. I'm totally worried but there's nothing I can do. I'm half-accepting. I'm half in denial. It's just waiting to see if the light of hope beams again or it's total darkness. I feel numb in some ways, I feel tired too which I feel so guilty about but what I can do this is what I feel. I want to let go but maybe I'm just being the defeatist I usually am. I'm questioning so many things in life right now. It's the stress or maybe a feeling that has been buried down ever since where I was just afraid to acknowledge, I'm at this point where I just wait and see, embracing the worst-case scenario like I usually do.  Let it be.

Sunday, August 14, 2022

No Escape

 Yeah, I was a fool to think it will miraculously go away. What's inevitable will happen and I really hope I can handle this so much better than I did before. I knew it. Things just don't work out for me. It never does. I'm always worried for a reason. 

Saturday, August 13, 2022

Alert

 Anxiety. I wish I could escape from this for real. But it isn't the case. It's so hard to be enslaved by this. It's driving me insane. But I need to remind myself of what happened 2 weeks ago to put me back in my proper place. I need to be strong. I need to be brave. I need to calm down. 

Friday, August 12, 2022

Cardo

Tonight was the finale of the long-running teleserye Ang Probinsyano. I was not really a regular viewer but an intermittent one, watched the big episodes! Anyway. I've always been fascinated with this show's success and how people are so into it. My nephew was just 7 years old when this started. I remember the show that Ang Probinsyano replaced was the teleserye about the angel Nathaniel which was his favorite too. He watched the finale on YouTube while live commenting with his friends on Discord. They were making fun of it like how teens do but still fascinating how the show is a time capsule of sort. So long Cardo, what a Pinop Pop Culture icon

Thursday, August 11, 2022

Oil

 Last time I did something for myself something awful followed. It is a coincidence my mind says and yet I felt like I was punished and was reminded of how things are. It took me a few more weeks to do it again just because I was scared irrational it may seem. I did it again because there is a need for it actually. But please nothing bad next . 

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Flying

 So a college classmate's daughter is about to enter her first year in college now!!! Granted, she had her early but still, nothing could make you feel so older but knowing that fact of life! My nephew is entering Grade 9 too as well. Time flies. I won't get sick of saying that. Sometimes, you just don't know notice how things have changed until there's something that will shake your system like finding out people my age can have college-bound children now!