Monday, September 27, 2021


 There was an earthquake around 1AM today, it was quite scary and woke me up from my sleep. It lasted only a few seconds but it was so memorable. Probably the hardest earthquake shake I've ever felt in my life. Thank God nothing bad happened. A life shattering earthquake is something I will never want in life

Sunday, September 26, 2021


 I wish I could stop worrying. For now everything seems fine and that worries me because of what lies ahead. Too good to be true. I don't want to be too comfortable because I'm afraid of the possibility that I get caught off guard. I don't want to feel this way all the time but I need to be prepared nowadays. I hate living a life in fear of the worst case scenario 

Saturday, September 25, 2021


Presidentiables are popping left and right but I'm worried that this will just pave the way for them to remain in power. I'm keeping myself from obsessing about it too much because it ain't healthy. I already have a lot of personal things to deal with so no need to add more to my anxieties. But still I can't help worry where things will go. I hope this won't be a losing battle, we need meaningful change next year. 

Friday, September 24, 2021


 Real life is quite stressful these days but I'm managing things as best as I can. I'm doing a lot of work stuff lately and it's helpful to take my mind off my anxieties. Majority of my work load right now is watching/previewing TV shows. Mexican, Chinese and Filipino! It's so helpful to make me not dwell on negative thoughts! Speaking of work, new shows on TeleNovela Channel have occupied a lot of my time lately! The channel will turn 10 this year! I've been a part of this project for 9 years, supervising for  6 years. It's quite a miracle we are still here especially with many cable channels closing lately. The team working on this channel's operations is small and we have limited resources. Multitasking is the norm. I'm proud though how we manage to keep this running as smooth as possible despite the limitations. Over the years, I've worked with around 15 video editors and many engineers (mostly just e-mail / text interactions though since they are on a remote site). Also loved meeting the provincial cable operators during conventions which won't be happening anytime soon. Although the last cable convention in 2019 was smaller in scale compared before. Now with Solar channels down to 2, FOX international channels and many more  gone if there will be another convention some day it will be so different. But the cable business has changed too. More are pivoting to providing Internet as top service with pay TV just a side offering and not the focus anymore. 

It was a busy day today so I was just in random work-related nostalgic mode. 

Thursday, September 23, 2021


 Nanay's blood sugar is now on a good level after skyrocketing last week but she does have mild anemia now which the doctors say is normal for a person who went through a major operation and blood transfusion. She prescribed vitamins. I've also learned Nanay's father, my grandfather who passed away way before I was born, also had anemia. Nanay got a little anxious although the doctor said not to. When she's anxious it's really a challenge to calm her down. Not gonna lie it really puts my patience to test. I have to be stricter with her too because sometimes she does not want to take her medicine. Back when I was a child she would reprimand me when I struggle drinking my medicines especially capsules and those syrup with awful taste. Things have changed now and sometimes I still feel uncomfortable in this position now. Says so much how I matured right. Anyway, my mother's health is my top concern now and please Lord keep her healthy. 

Wednesday, September 22, 2021


 Tatay is fully vaccinated now with the hard to get Moderna! He was so happy that he got his Vaccination card laminated so he could wear it as an ID of some sort! It's a sigh of relief that he had added protection. Nanay's lab results are out too, I could understand one part of it which shows good development but of course I'm no medical expert so will have to wait for the doctor explanation tomorrow for her check up. Hoping all is good.

Tuesday, September 21, 2021


Another test tomorrow and I'm really hoping and  praying for favorable results . I always get stressed but I never show it to avoid inciting panic but I struggle with this inner worries each time. Oh Lord please guide my Nanay.

Meanwhile, Tatay will get his second dose of the Moderna vaccine tomorrow too! I feel so happy that Tatay didn't have to wait a long time to get fully vaccinated especially since his vaccine is quite hard to get here. 

Monday, September 20, 2021

Losing It

 Stressed out once more as I deal with anxiety. Not just my own but loved ones as well. I feel like giving up sometimes but I can't. I won't . But it's really testing me to be honest, I feel like breaking down. I try to console myself that there are other worst case scenario to take things into perspective but during the moments like this when I face yet another stressful situation, it's so hard to handle. It's so hard to stay sane. But I can't break down. I just can't. I don't want to. 

Sunday, September 19, 2021


Quite a stressful day as I once again became the middleman of two conflicts. The root of the conflict is a very small thing but I don't know people seek drama or pride just gets in the way. This has been so repetitive so the best thing that I do is just not added fuel to the fire because I just want peace of mind. It's so tiring and it does not help my toothache has returned. Dealing with today has been such a hassle

Saturday, September 18, 2021


 My brother shared how he overheard some of his co-workers bashing the "opponents" of the current regime. They are believing everything he says even if is already blatantly obvious how shady the deals of the people connected to him. Despite everything that is happening their really is still a lot of people supporting him no matter what. I don't understand why. We just had over 23K cases today. Second highest of all time. I feel so hopeless