Oscars 94!

 Oscar nods today! Whole I don't watch even half of the potential nominees, I do like tracking the awards race and my favorite categories are Animated Feature, Original Song and Visual Effects! Among the Best Picture nominees, my favorite is CODA but I will see West Side Story when it opens in theaters here next week! I admit even though I haven't seen it, I was rooting for it just because of the reviews and I love Spielberg! ! Also happy for Encanto nods and Raya and the Last Dragon not missing! Netflix though might finally win the big prize with Power of the Dog leading the nominations! The pandemic made people warm up to major streaming film releases  but still a theatrical experience is still different

Officially Annoyed

 Tomorrow is the official campaign season for the upcoming elections. I'm seriously dreading it. I'm already annoyed with the ads currently airing so what more now that it will be official already. I'm really nervous about this upcoming national elections. Very scared. Hoping and praying for good results this May. 

Seventeen!

 Because of my anxieties I forgot to do an anniversary blog post on the exact date I made it! Anyway, this blog was born on February 4, 2005! Seventeen years late it's still here! This was my very first post

So full of insecurities and 17 years later nothing has changed I guess hahahahaha

SSSS

I had a work at home task which I basically did all day but to be honest I could have finished it earlier if there weren't so many distractions in life. It's a real test for me and I got so frustrated but I needed to be at my best. It's been such a struggle how to balance it all, the hardest part is fighting my anxieties off. Stressed and scared what a soul sucking combo. 

Oh No...

 So just moments ago I felt like there's a sign of one of the things that I dread is happening. I've been trying to not think about it but I know it was inevitable. I'm very scared but I don't know what to do but just face inevitable how unfair life is. I hate it so much. 

Rush

 So Facebook Memories reminded me that this happened 10 years ago! How time flies. My memory is still fresh of waking up early on Saturday to go to Robinsons Galleria and I was there even before the mall opened! Since it was my first time to attend a fan event, I don't know what to do and was also shy that I didn't line up first despite me being early but I still I was early enough to get a good seat as opposed to standing up. I will always find it touching when Chico and Delamar recognized my codename forg as a frequent texter of their show! It's sad their tandem is done but I still listen to them separately on their shows via Spotify podcasts and will always love them

Release

 I acted on impulse earlier today and did something for my enjoyment. I did something against better judgment. It's not really a big deal in the general sense but for me, it kinda is because it's a symbol of doing something because I just want to. It was quite exciting and perhaps rejuvenating to do something not planned but out of the blue because I felt like it. But then again, I didn't go all out with what I was planning and still proceeded to take the direction I needed to be. My rational side still kicked in and good thing I still do because there were some essential stuff that I needed to handle that if proceeded to go all-in today it would just hassle me later on. Still, I'm glad I did what I did today. Maybe I can do that again next time without the guilt of sacrificing something else just to proceed with what I want. 

Boss

 It's a working from home holiday! Normally I would go to the office for non-Holy Week/Christmas holidays but of course  those were the days before the world changed forever! But to be honest I procrastinated and just finished my tasks a few minutes ago. Spent the day running family errands but when I had free time in the afternoon I streamed a movie on Upstream where I have a voucher to one watch movie for free. And the movie I chose to watch? Boss Baby 2! I was just in the mood for something light as always. It was a cute movie with nice message about family. It's nothing really new but was good enough to have a break from life's anxieties. 

Next

 Today is the end of this very long month. What a start 2022! So much stressful moments up until yesterday! Today is calmer thank God. But of course there are worries that continue to haunt me. However I decide to take things on a per day basis. Today was okay and I'm thankful. Hopefully, more of this if not better days. As usual I am managing my expectations but will continue to stay hopeful. Oh Dear Lord please listen to my prayer. 

Bothered

 A stressful night again due to family matters. So many fragile factors I have to consider. It's testing me so much and honestly not handling it the best way I need to be. I feel so annoyed and terrified too. But I can't be weak right now, I need to be stern or else everything else falls. That's why I can never feel at ease. I can never be comfortable because something dreadful will happen eventually. I hate to be drowning in misery most of the time I escape sometimes but still within the vicinity where I can jump back in when needed. I don't want to give up of course but it's just so hard. 

Making Sure

 So paid my new internet/cable provider today at their office in the town proper, it's quite far and they have no online means to pay yet although there's an option to have their messenger pick up the payment here at our house but I kinda have trust issues and since this is the first payment too so I want to make sure everything is secure! Anyway, their office is small and simple but honestly I like that this company is just small and just focuses on our town as their prime customer. Service will be more accessible and focused! I do hope they get a lot of customers especially since the service is great.

Crossing My Fingers for the Nth Time

Cases are below 20K for three straight days now and I do really hope it's the start of the downward trend. I've already accepted we won't get rid of covid but I really we can enter it in the endemic territory soon enough. But the damage has been done though, things will never be the same but I hope I could see and feel what like was before. Oh God please no more deadly new variant/

Frugal

 Just finished some work from home tasks! I really worked hard this week and my goal to have all things pending and checked off my to-do list is successful and I did it earlier than needed! This secondhand laptop I bought has been very useful, sure the specs aren't top notch but it has the basic MS applications I need and works fine. Good thing this small investment I made paid off. Maybe someday I can buy a brand new laptop but for now I feel relieved that I did made a good choice because I admit I was afraid that I made a bad one because I prioritized saving money. 

I Can Get Satisfaction

 So our new cable/fiber internet had no connection early this morning so I immediately contacted them but they responded two hours later at the start of the office hours and informed me that our whole barangay was affected by a mainline issue and they are already working on a fix already. Good thing I was working from home today so I was able to load up our prepaid Wi-Fi so my nephew can use it for online school. I was a little worried because our experience with Spectrum had been great so far but you know what they were able  to fix the problem soon enough and informed me on both messenger and text message! Now that's what you call good service and I immediately posted on their FB on how satisfied I was on how they handled the problem. A high school classmate messaged me because they saw my post and asked if the service is indeed good because she was planning to change provider and I recommended it highly! I've been burned by customer service of bigger companies for years now so it was such a relief to get good service. Local business like this with focused on specific areas has its advantages. I received my first bill today and will gladly pay it on Saturday. I hope the good service will continue and not just from the beginning! I deserve it!

Lead

 So today I learned the newly elected president of Chile is just a year older than me! It's quite unsettling to know a person my age can be a president now. Me at 34 can't fully grasp adulthood and someone near my age about to handle a whole country? But I am curious how he will fare and I hope he does good, maybe my generation can be good national leaders. Hopefully.

Clogged

 It's really hard to get out of this mental prison I placed myself in. Whenever there is a lull moment, I can't help but think of negative stuff. Sometimes even if I am in the middle of doing something that feeling of dread pops in. I'm so scared of what awaits. I'm terrified if my fears will happen. I' m doubting my instinct, if I made the right choice or I just preferred what's easy for now. Lord, please don't let this fear manifest in real life. Please....

Step Away

 Political discourse is heated right now as election is just a few months away. I already know who I am voting for and praying my choice wins. But I choose not to join the chaos right now, it's too stressful and I already have a lot of personal matters to deal with to let this add up to my growing anxieties in life. I'm scared of what could happen so I'm avoiding thinking about it for now. If I dig deep into my feelings about this, I go to dark places. It's not healthy. 

USB

I spent a good amount of time looking for a flash drive which I distinctly remember taking out of my bag but when I was about to insert it on my laptop I can't find it! Until now I just can't find it. I don't know what's happening to me that I'm so absent-minded that I lost a simple thing like that. I can't help but wonder if this is a sign of a bigger problem? Oh my mind goes that direction again!  I hope I can find the flash drive tomorrow.

Overcast

 January is about to end it feels like this month has lasted for so long and this year has so much challenges left. I'm very scared of the future. I think about what could go wrong every single day. I wish I could stop this but there is always something out there that would remind me. I can't avoid it completely. I'm beginning to think that I will never have peace of mind and I will live in constant fear. I hope I'm wrong/ I really hope so. I'm clinging to hope as long as I can.

My Worries

My mind is filled up with so many thoughts that bother me not just at night but all day long...

My family's health and well-being.

My company's situation.

My country's future.

My path's direction.

My life in general the past two years had been governed by endless fears, I wish I could easily just everything off but I have nothing else to do but just endure all of it and try my best not to get drowned. 

Same

 I knew this no vaccine, no ride will cause chaos because they just don't think of practical application of it, how it will be done on the ground. Sure intention to promote vaccination is good but not at the expense of making the life of the ordinary commuting worker a living hell. But what else is new right? This has been going for a long time, directives that are not carefully planned and so many loopholes. I'm so sick of this but there's nothing I can do but just be exasperated.

Opening

 The manager has asked my help if I know someone who is looking for a job and recommend to apply for us. I actually don't know anyone right now but I still helped by posting job opening our channel's Facebook page. I hope it helps us! I can feel how stressed she was earlier! The timing just not on our side really but we will survive this, I know we can. 

More or Less

 There are multiple new projects coming in at the office which is good news but manpower is a challenge right now. With the people in quarantine plus those who recently resigned (add to the fact that there was retrenchment in November), we are definitely going to face a lot of challenges handling these projects plus there are potential projects that will add too. I'm preparing myself because I might have additional tasks on top of the things I already do right now. I was not asked yet but given the situation, I need to be prepared if they will ask for my help. Getting new projects is such great news but I wish it happened late last year and who knows maybe the retrenchment could have been stopped. How tricky the situations are right now! Good Lord please us survive this.

Taken Off the List

I've been feeling a lot of dread lately so I needed an escape and what's the best that I can do that is to watch stuff! The past 2 nights I've checked out MY LIST on Netflix. I returned to Netflix last month because my nephew wants to watch some anime programs he is into right now. Now, I realized why not watch some of the stuff I put on MY LIST and there I watched the films Tick...Tick..Boom, Shawshank Redemption and documentary Shrinkers. I watched Tick..Tick...Boom! without knowing much of the background of the real life story behind it so I was so captivated with what I saw. So moving and engaging. Heartbreaking too! I've been meaning to watch Shawshank Redemption for a long time because it is famous and has been considered a must-see and I was not disappointed. That was a riveting tale of finding hope in the worst case possible and the "twist" also blew my mind. It is indeed classic adult filmmaking that truly resonates. Lastly, the Singaporean documentary Shrinkers has a nice hook of a "lost film" that came back to the life of the documentarian so many years later. It was so engrossing how it all happened and also to see the footages they did in 1992 was such a time capsule. 

So yeah I had a good weekend I guess!

Everywhere

 Cases are closing in to 40K. Well, officially that is because many are not getting tested because it's not practical because of the expensive PCR tests. Also, there are people who just take the antigen test at home. It's all messy. We are all now assuming this virus is everywhere at this point. I don't know what to think or feel anymore. Still hoping and praying for better days ahead.  

Matic

 37K cases today and despite the all time high number the health department is encouraging less PCR testing and quarantine days now for those who got infected and close contact. I get it for practical purposes especially for those vaccinated but it seems careless, speaks a lot of the " bahala na" mentality. It also feels like an admittance we don't have the capability anymore. I was at the pharmacy and all paracetamol  and over the counter products for colds and fever are sold out. Even strepsils for sore throat. Two years of this pandemic and yet it is giving me new ways to scare us. Oh Lord please let this be final wave, please

Scary Times

 Cases reached an all time high again and the virus is just literally everywhere. The streets are essentially empty. Saw many stores in Ayala that are "temporarily closed". In this pandemic I have seen a lot of these temporary closures that ultimately led to full time closures one of which is the FamilyDoc clinic here in our place. Imagine a clinic closing in this era. There are fewer people going to work onsite these days as seen in the number of commuters now. Even in our office we are so few. I've been in the office for the past 3 days and I will go work from home tomorrow. I contemplated going to the office again to finish some task in advance but I decided against it in the end because I can do it next week anyway and I need some time off commuting because it is scary to be exposed out in the streets. Paracetamols and other medicines going scare is quite disturbing too., Hoping and praying hard this is the last big wave. Please let it be. 

Go!

 Loving our new cable / internet provider! I joined their Facebook promo and won an HBO Go voucher! I really wanted to watch the sequel to one of my all time favorite - On The Job and it's streaming there so I will now finally be able to see it! Also planning to watch shows I've been meaning to watch but haven't yet like I May Destroy You and Enlightened! Some movies like Dune and Godzilla vs Kong which are available there too! I will really make sure my one month free access with this platform!

Strange

 Commuting to work is a different experience lately. Traffic is light because there are just few people around. This is happening definitely because of the rise in cases. Even at the office we are even fewer than usual in the pandemic era. The shuttle van I'm riding also has fewer passengers. It's a mix of feeling of relaxing but uneasiness too. I like the calmness it exudes but still I can't deny the reason behind all of this. With the fast transmission it is scary to be out there but my work needs to be done at the office especially with my video editor in a quarantine facility right now,. A lot of things to be done and grateful that I am busy because when I'm not, negative thoughts simply rule over me. I can't live my life like that.

Substandard

 I always get broken things. Things that have issues. Things that don't work smoothly. I always have to deal with imperfection. I settle for less. I settle for mediocrity. Most of it is my fault because I just accept it. Tolerate. I work with what I have. But I deserve better. I should ask for more. I should ask for better. But aiming for better always have complications. Add to the fact that I'm trapped with so many limitations. I'm tired of this endless cycle of my life. Nothing really works out. 

28,707

 Highest cases ever and I fear this is just this is just start of more record cases. Vaccine cards being an entry pass is now getting more common. I'm worried but managing to be as relaxed as possible. Life has to go on, we can't afford to do lockdowns anymore . I'm currently watching the latest season of The Amazing Race and this was the season that was affected by the pandemic so  it's so eerie to watch this episode knowing it was just weeks away when the world changed forever. But also love to see life again when it was really normal. 

What Ifs Cycle

 My life is always about a test of patience and how to control the situation from escalating to unnecessary drama and source of stress. It's so unbelievably hard because there are just so many intersecting factors I have to address. Most of the time I sacrifice my own happiness. I know I'm doing the right thing but whenever I faced troubling times I can't help but wonder if I followed the path I really wanted to take where would my life will be right now? I think this will forever haunt me. It's just the stress talking right now because ultimately I would have regretted it big time if I chose not to prioritize this matter in my life. It would have been more painful if I didn't make this choice. But I wish this line of thought will not cross my mind again. It's a real internal torture. 

Seven Days In

 Spent nearly 5 hours waiting to get my nephew's second dose of vaccine. First dose last December was just an hour. There were so MANY people today. I was pissed off how disorganized they were, the minors should have separate schedule or they should have allow the adults first dose and booster on the same schedule or same site. They could be short staffed I know but still they should have had better planning. Many people rushing to get vaccinated because of the restrictions now for the unvaccinated. I have mixed feelings about that, I get the idea of encouraging people to get vaccinated already but I feel like the implementation of this would be messy and could be abused for power trippers.

First week of 2022 and so chaotic already. 

17K

 Cases are rapidly rising and as someone who still goes to the office, it is quite scary but I gotta march on. Paracetamol are now gone in pharmacies, it's quite unsettling. While for sure there are hoarders out there but there is legit demand for it. What a way to start the year. How many have I said that I hope this ends soon but it's now 2 years and we still can't escape this virus. How long are we gonna wait?

It's here

So last week cases were down to less than 300 and in just a few days we are now at 10K. Cases are surging all over the world to alarming numbers. Omnicon effect. I know quite a few personally now who have teste positive. The office earlier was so bare with people. In a way that feels safer with less people around but also nerve wracking to think what's happening. Trying to remain as calm as possible too, devoted a lot of time focusing on work. It's somewhat encouraging that according to reports most cases are mild. I'm quite hoping this is it for Covid. The last alarming variant. And after this we could now live a life as close to what it once was, I don't expect to covid to fully disappear but just less deadly. Please let this be Lord.

Secondhand

 So I bought this used HP laptop for a cheap price yesterday and currently using it to type this post. My current laptop works fine but has monitor issues which I haven't replaced yet but now that I have another laptop I can use for work purposes then I will finally have it fixed as soon as I have the extra money to do so. This laptop has issue like battery is dead so it needs to be plugged in always which is not new thing for me because my current laptop has the same issue and honestly I've been using laptops like a desktop and just at home. The only time I brought a laptop out in the open is when I used it for my thesis defense! This laptop also has limited storage/memory which is fine because I will just mainly use this laptop for work so word and excel are all I need. On that secondhand store where I bought this, there was also a secondhand Mac available that I was tempted to buy but it went above my budget and I've never really used a mac outside the video editing one I used at work so I got more practical picked this one because it was the cheapest. Anyway, I hope this laptop will last me a long time. In fairness to me I've had 3 laptops in my lifetime and all were used for than 5 years at least. 

Here We Go Again and Again and Again

 Covid cases are rising again that it's hitting close to me. My video editor is isolating right now after her sibling tested positive although his test result was negative. Looking like restrictions are here again and the annoying comeback of the mandatory face shield use is imminent. I'm worried but I need to stay calm. It doesn't help that lingering thought of my family's safety especially Nanay's health is affecting me that much. I'm reading up that at least hospitalizations are not as high and just many mild cases and South Africa where this was officially discovered is seeing a fast trend of lowering cases. Hopefully, it won't be deadly.  Come on let this end already. 

Resolution

 Good thing my family decide not to go out on New Year's Day. I actually had a good 4-hour afternoon nap which is quite refreshing! Back to work on Monday and looking forward to it because I have a lot of things to do and I'm thankful because I need to stay busy to keep my mind from thinking of negative things. I will attemp to have a New Year's resolution by trying to control my pessimism and alarmist attitude. I won't say I will be completely off it but I will try to remain as calm as possible when facing life's pressures. I owe myself that/

365 Days

So I blogged every single day in 2021 365 days. First time ever in 16 years of my blog's existence. Yes, I combined my yearend TV and Movies retrospective in one post so I would have exactly one post per day hahah! Anyway, I  know majority of my posts since I started posting daily are not polished! With mostly random vague thoughts filled with rants, fears and anxieties. Basically my shock absorber but it has really help grapple with complicated feelings the past 2 years or so. I'm fearful of what could happen this 2022. Where I will be 365 days from now? Hopefully, the worst case scenarios will just stay in my mind and will not manifest. It's really rough but I will carry on and face everything life throws at me the best way I can/ 

My 10 Favorite TV Comedy Episodes and My 5 Favorite Movies of 2021

  Here is my annual rundown of my favorite episodes of the sitcoms/comedy programs I watched this year. Like in previous years for variety purposes I just chose one episode per show. Check out my top 10 lists over the years: 2020,2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013,2012

1. Superstore Season 6 Episode 15 "All Sales Final" 

The series wraps up in such a beautiful moment for the Cloud 9 crew and represents how this show captured the joy and pain of being part of the working class. 

2. Only Murders in the Building Season 1 Episode 10 "Open and Shut"

The season finale of this wonderful comedy mystery featured a top performance from Steve Martin reminding us how a great and charming comedian he is. 

3. Hacks Season 1 Episode 8 "1.69 million"

Jean Smart's knockout performance in the standup comedy routine where she confronted a chauvinist is  an all time great. She makes this show so good.

4. Mom Season 8 Episode 18 "My Kinda People and the Big To-Do"

One of the heartbreaking cancellations for me this year, despite the short notice the show was able to do the best series finale they can under the circumstance with a funny and heartfelt final share of Bonnie. 

5. Ted Lasso Season 2 Episode 4 "Carol of the Bells"

I've been longing for a good Christmas TV episode and this show gave me that. It was cheerful, positive but also not too saccharine, just the perfect merry blend

6. What We Do in the Shadows Season 2 Episode 8 "The Wellness Center"

This episode is a terrific showcase of the talented cast and how this nails mixing the dark humor with traditional comedy. 

7. Ghosts Season 1 Episode 6 "Pete's Wife"

You know a new show is clicking when 6 episodes in you already feel like you've been watching for many seasons and know the characters for so long. This episode in particular had a great balance of laugh out loud moments and tender heartfelt moment

8. Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 8 Episode 9-10 "The Last Day"

The series wraps up with one final heist game that's crazy fun with the clever and funny twists and turn and ended up with a showcase of how awesome this ensemble is

9. Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist Season 2 Episode 13 "Zoey's Ex

Another show that got canceled this year but was still able to pull off a very solid finale that left the characters in a good  place although the show did get a wrap up holiday movie

10. Bob Hearts Abishola Season 3 Episode 2  "Bowango" 

The wedding episode was such a vibrant display of the Nigerian culture with a very earnest intentions that makes this underrated show such a gem. 

****

My Five Favorite Movies of 2021

5. The Mitchells vs The Machines

A good tale of how our dependence to digital world could hurt us by interrupting communication lines on  a personal intimate level. 

4. Luca

A simple story of  friendship and self-identity with a heartfelt take on finding one's self. 

3. Encanto

A rare mainstream animated movie that didn't go full action adventure but the entire conflict was just inside the house both physically and emotional level. The songs were so fun too especially the jam  "We Don't Talk About Bruno"

2. Raya and The Last Dragon

The main mythology needed more time to be fleshed but the animation is just on another level and so breathtaking. The message about community conflict and misunderstanding also resonates in this polarizing world.

1. CODA

I'm not a Child of Deaf Adults but I definitely could to the lead character's conflict of being in between family responsibilities  and the desire to design one of own's path. 

Favorites from the past years:

2020

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015
2014
2013
2012
2011

My Hot 100 for 2021

My favorite songs for 2021

1. Happier Than Ever - Billie Eilish

2.  Leave The Door Open - Silk Sonic (Bruno Mars & Anderson Paak)

3. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

4. Elyu - Ben&Ben

5. Easy On Me - Adele

6. Drivers License - Olivia Rodrigo

7. Cut & Run - Lifehouse

8. All Too Well (10 Minute Version) - Taylor Swift

9. Binibini - Zack Tabudio 

10. MAPA (Band Version) - SB19 & Ben & Ben

11. good 4 u - Olivia Rodrigo

12. Save Your Tears - The Weeknd & Ariana Grande 

13. Upuan - Ben&Ben

14. Bad Habits - Ed Sheeran

15. Heartbreak Anniversary - Giveon

16. papercuts - Machine Gun Kelly

17. Lunod - Ben&Ben feat Zild and Juan Karlos

18. Levitating (remix) - Dua Lipa feat DaBaby

19. Treat People With Kindness - Harry Styles

20. Damage - H.E.R

21. Kiss Me More - Doja Cat & SZA

22. Traitor - Olivia Rodrigo

23. Gabay - KZ Tandingan

24. Pasalubong - Ben&Ben and Moira Dela Torre

25. Shivers - Ed Sheeran

26. Magpahinga - Ben&Ben

27. Nangangamba - Zack Tabudio

28.  Oxytocin - Billie Eilish

29. Sabel - Ben&Ben and KZ Tandingan

30. Kapangyarihan - Ben&Ben and SB19

31. Skate - Silk Sonic (Bruno Mars & Anderson Paak)

32. deja vu - Olivia Rodrigo

33. Meet Me At Our Spot - The Anxiety, Willow, Tyler Cole 

34. Swimming Pool - Ben&Ben and Chito Miranda

35. Marupok - KZ Tandingan

36. Kahit Kunwari Man Lang - Agsunta and Moira Dela Torre

37. To Be Loved - Adele

38. Kasayaw - Ben&Ben

39. Beautiful Mistakes - Maroon Five feat Megan Thee Stallion

40. My Universe - Coldplay and BTS

41. Dumaloy - SUD 

42. Peaches - Justin Bieber, Daniel Ceasar and Giveon

43. Till Forever Falls Apart - Ashe and Finneas

44. Hate You + Love You - Cheat Codes and AJ Mitchell

45. Maligaya Ang Buhay - Inigo Pascual

46. Our Song - Anne Marie and Niall Horan

47. Cold Heart (PNAU Remix) -  Elton John and Dua Lipa

48. He's Into Her - BGYO 

49. Anyone - Justin Bieber 

50. Follow You - Imagine Dragons 

51. Heartbreak Anthem - Little Mix and David Guetta

52. Andito Tayo Para Sa Isa't Isa - Various Artists 

53. Waving Through a Window - Ben Platt 

54. Cover Me in Sunshine - Pink and Willow Sage Heart

55. Love Again - Dua Lipa

56. Kulang ang Mundo - Sam Mangubat

57. Ibang Planeta - Zild

58. We're Good - Dua Lipa

59. Permission to Dance - BTS 

60. What a Life -Scarlet Pleasure

61. Sugat - Ben&Ben and Munimuni

62. Agatha All Along - Kathryn Hahn

63. Ilang Tulog Na Lang - Ben&Ben

64. Run - One Republic

65. Kayumanggi - Ben&Ben

66. Come Through - H.E.R and Chris Brown

67. Visiting Hours - Ed Sheeran 

68. Bang! - AJR

69. Leave Before You Love Me - Marshmello and Jonas Brothers

70. Take My Breath - The Weeknd

71. Piece of the Puzzle - Trisha Denise

72. Inevitable - Ben&Ben

73. We Don't Talk About Bruno - Encanto cast

74. Tabi Tabi Po - JMKO

75. Me Niego - Reik, Ozuna, Wisin

76. Monsters - All Time Low and blackbear

77. Willow - Taylor Swift

78. Here's Your Perfect - Jamie Miller

79. Shy Away - Twenty One Pilots

80. Girls5eva - Girls5Eva Cast

81. Stay - The Kid Laroi & Justin Bieber

82. Tinadhana Sa'Yo - Zephanie

83. Ako Naman Muna - Angela Ken

84. Don't Go Yet - Camilla Cabello

85. Lead The Way - Jhene Aiko

86. Sigurado  - Belle Mariano

87. Bazinga - SB19

88. Smokin Out the Window - Silk Sonic (Bruno Mars & Anderson Paak)

89. Pahina - Kiss N Tell

90. The Light - BGYO

91. Ang Hirap Maging Mahirap - Davey Langit feat Kritiko

92. Overpass Graffitti - Ed Sheeran

93. One Right Now - Post Malone and The Weeknd

94. Husavik - Will Ferrell and Molly Sandén

95. Transparent Soul - Willow and Travis Barker

96. Todo De Ti - Rauw Alejandro

97. Asi Me Gustas - Pau y Davo feat Diego Bollela

98. Shot in the Dark - John Mayer

99. Your Power - Billie Eilish

100. Paraluman - Adie

My Hot 100 for 2020

My Hot 100 for 2019

My Hot 100 for 2018

My Hot 100 for 2017

My Hot 100 for 2016

My Hot 100 for 2015

My Hot 100 for 2014

 My Hot 100 for 2013

My Hot 100 for 2012 
My Hot 100 for 2011
My Hot 100 for 2010
My Hot 100 for 2009  
My Hot 100 for 2008
My Hot 100 for 2007

Tempted

 So today I resisted to do something I used to do pre-pandemic because first it will cost money and second time constraints! I really wanted to do it for relaxation but as always my rational side always wins out. It was the last working day of the year and I wanted to celebrate surviving by giving myself  treat, a frivolous one. Maybe next year I can do it? The thought of it excites me but then again covid cases are rising again. I'm pretty sure omnicron variant has spread here already so I got to be cautious too. There's just a lot of things I need to consider before doing that frivolous thing really. So much complications for such matter that's basically insignificant 

Installed

 So I was supposed to work at the office today but the new cable/fiber Internet bundle provider I applied for last month finally contacted me yesterday to inform of the schedule of the installation today. I tried to re-schedule it on Dec. 30, a holiday, but they have no work on that day so I adjusted my schedule to accommodate them because I have to be here as my parents and nephew will not know how this works out. They texted a schedule within 8AM-4PM but it was nearing 4PM and they haven't arrived so I had a little meltdown (but still respectful) towards their customer service because they tried to moved my schedule to tomorrow morning which isn't possible for me because I NEED to go to the office tomorrow, I was thisclose to cancelling it and have my reservation fee refunded but my pushback forced them to still come to our house even if it was 5PM already. They are a new service in town so they better make up for this delay. Anyway, I'm now using the Internet service and so far so good. The cable service looks better with better channel lineup and video reception for some channels that had never ending issues with our current and soon to be former cable provider. Now that's next on my agenda  is to cancel that cable subscription. Good thing we are on old subscriber predating the acquisition from a bigger company that had lock-in periods (mainly because of the Internet service which the old cable company didn't have). Hopefully, that disconnection service won't be a hassle!

Knocks

 I'm struggling with my pessimism lately. Of course, I keep it to myself because I don't want to be that person I don't like dealing with, a person full of negativity. I'm deeply worried about one aspect of my life and in lull moments I think of what would I do if the nightmare I'm imagining actually happens. I knock on wood furiously each time my mind crosses that. It's a superstition I got from my family where if you do that you could stop something bad from happening but to be honest it has become a mechanism for me to stop myself from going even deeper with negative thoughts. It ain't easy to be in constant fear and the past two years didn't help things further. It's quite a miracle I'm standing tall as it is. Oh Lord please don't let these nightmares' I have from happening. I'm begging you.

Turn Around

 So Christmas started rough and stressful  but thankfully it got betteras the day went on. Nanay even if she stayed inside the van for the whole day for precaution enjoyed the basic roadtrip we had because she was outside the house and not in a clinic for the first time in months. We dropped by two malls to buy food - Market Market and Powerplant Mall, we chose to go there because the parking will be easier as there won;t be huge crowds which we were right. Nanay wanted to see the light show in MOA but the crowd in MOA was insane. There were no parking and so many people it's not safe so we just decided to go home so we can rest early too.

Thank you Lord that our Christmas was solid. My Christmas wish is the same as my birthday wish this year. Good health for my family especially my parents, I want more Christmas spent with them in good health condition

Spoiledmas

 Officially Christmas but sadly our mood was spoiled due to unnecessary drama. We ate early so most of the family members are asleep now. It's for the best at this time. Peace and calm. There are plans today that I hope will turn things around or at the very not give additional stress. I hope that one will not ruin the mood later and maybe realize the aftermath of that truly selfish action. Please that would be the gift I want for this Christmas - peace of mind even for just today.

Eve of Resentment

I'm so exhausted, I know my role on this day is bigger now but on top of that others just chose to add more stress because of pure nonsense. If we learn to let go of things and focus on what matters we can avoid stressful situations but no others chose to pamper their ego and make more things harder than it already is I won't be merry tonight and maybe even tomorrow. 

Doors Closed

 Today we found the clinic my mother has been going to for diabets management since the pandemic started has closed down permanently. There were warning signs with them cutting out lab services then all the doctors who checked up my mother left. This week is supposed to be her every 3 month checkup after doing her lab results and the doctor then said we should just come after Christmas for the checkup. I went to the clinic earlier to ask for the doctor's availability so I was shocked when I found it out closed down. Too bad I love their services so much and really took care of my mother well. We will now go back to her old clinic/doctor which was her original one but they closed down during the height of the pandemic so we had to find a new one and we landed in Family Doc clinic and we've been very satisfied. Too bad their next closest open clinic is still so far! Oh well, maybe a pandemic casualty? Another one. Hay.

Three Two

 So today I received something unexpected! It was for something I worked on a couple months ago and now seeing the fruit of that labor! I didn't know I will receive it today so it was a nice surprise! I immediately placed that blessings on a safety net. This inspired me to push myself more next year and let my inhibitions go. Maybe it's not yet late.  Hopefully. 

A10S

 I was planning to buy a new phone because my Alcatel smartphone is nearly 7 years old with battery issues and well its 4GB storage is you know so outdated and I need more internal storage because of the essential apps I'm using like GCash, Paymaya and the Smart/Globe apps! But my sister handed me her old phone because she got a new one as part of renewing her postpaid plan! Great and definitely saves me money. I'm now acquainting myself with this Samsung phone and honestly because I'm so used to my outdated smartphone, I'm a little lost now! But I'll get used to this of course and it's necessary to have a more current smartphone in this era

But I still have a keypad phone as backup with an old SIM I've had since college!

Struggles

One thing that deeply bothered me from the accounts of Typhoon Odette victims is the current struggle to get clean drinking water. Due to the power shutdown, many water refilling stations can't operate and so bottled water supply quickly ran out. It is quite jarring to find out how big a problem this is. A country surrounded with water and natural resources struggling to get clean water supply. I feel so much for the people struggling right now.

And this happening with Christmas happening this week. I can't imagine how the people affected right now are dealing with this crisis in a season that's supposed to be happy.

Odette

 It's just today that I realized how Typhoon Odette left such big lasting damage in Visayas and Mindanao. Somehow I feel like we were all caught off guard by how disastrous this would be?  I don't know if it just me but I felt news coverage felt lacking too?  Or maybe because I'm here in Mega Manila which was not directly affected. I've seen a lot of outcry due to problems in cellphone signal and lack of basic necessities life safe drinking water. We have relatives in Bohol who got affected too with big damages in their houses and some still unreachable;. I reached out to a friend based in Cebu but no response on my message. I hope he and his family are safe. 

Treat

 I don't get to do it often because funds are limited and allocated already to essentials so I felt really happy I was able to treat my family with my 13th month. It was just simple, chicken, liempo, pancit and donuts I bought from stores here. Despite all my frustrations and anxiety, I can still find joy in simple things and give my mind a break from endless worries. 

One Step Back

My nephew had his first dose of Pfizer anti COVID19 vaccine today! He will have his second dose in early January. I'm glad he finally got one because just in case they'll finally return to face-to-face classes sometime next year, we will be more at ease. He definitely wants to return to the actual school because online school just isn't the same and admittedly he gets attracted to it because the temptation to play games on the side while having classes is just there! Also, he is a young teenager now and it's quite a crucial time too and I do think having interaction with fellow teens in person is essential in shaping up his personality too. Hopefully, all things will be better by next year. Please Lord let this new variant be something that can't be controlled easily by vaccines. 

Season's Bits

 My nephew had a "virtual" Christmas party today. He participated via Microsoft Teams and even had a presentation to him dancing All I Want For Christmas is You in Santa Claus. I know he hated it now that he's 13 but he's cooperative as always. I picked up his exchanged gift at school. Hopefully, next year he can have real Christmas party with his classmates. 

*

My siblings had Christmas grocery from their bosses! It's a nice touch and save us from buying such stuff like spaghetti, ham, fruit cocktail!

*

Received my 13th month today, yehey! Last year it got delayed to January this year which was a bummer but understandable given how financially hard it was. I had my expectation low this year and prepared myself if it will be delayed again especially that our company is still not in top form given the retrenchment last month. So it coming today is a pleasant surprise. Thank you Lord!

Tow

To save money, I've tried commuting to work via jeep and bus again just like in the pre-pandemic times. Not everyday though because riding the van is just more convenient especially going home but I need to save up money. The bus to Ayala from Alabang has changed now notably that for the fare a card must be used. I'm fine with that since the card is free anyway. Earlier though I chose to ride an ordinary bus *no aircon*  to save more money but bad timing the bus broke down in the middle of the expressway with no options for us commuters but just wait for the tow service to get the bus to a place where we can ride a bus to Ayala. It took over an hour before I got to the office because of that incident! But since I leave home earlier than most people, I still got in before 8AM but I could have been there by 6:30AM! And this day was quite hectic for me with lots of task to finish but I made it through thank goodness. 

And that's it.

 Today was the last shot for me to open that window of something I really wanted to do but ultimately I chose to close it because it's just not practical for me to pursue it. It's not really a big life changing matter but it's a small thing that could have brought me temporary happiness. I knew I made right choice because I acted rationally and not on impulse but still I can't  help but feel sad that a small matter like this is like a big decision for me due to my life's limitations and the pursuit of convenience. 

Breach

 So there's this massive hack with BDO that led to a lot of people transferring money to a Union Back account with "nagoyo" as a surname! This is quite scary because you would think the biggest bank in the country will have the tightest security! I have had my savings there since I was a teen because they are the biggest so confidence is high. I've checked my payroll and savings account and thankfully not part of those who got victimized. I guess it helped that I don't do online banking because I'm generally a paranoid person. And yeah this incident will not help things further

Ajar

 So my brother has this possible new job opportunity from his wedding godmother and Tatay's former co-worker. This should be a no-brainer given that his current company is having financial troubles, delayed salaries and such. But I know he is having second thoughts because he is loyal to his bosses and has a personal relationship with them. He might feel that he is gonna offend by jumping ship in time of a crisis. I wish he could be practical especially since he is married now but with no kids yet but what if it finally happens? I do understand him and somehow I could relate to. I wish we are more like other people that are tough when it comes to decisions like this and make the leap. Too much emotional factor clouding our judgments to be honest. Lord please guide my brother. 

Hethler

 A friend whom I met on Pinoyexchange passed away yesterday. His name is Hethler and was initially a poster of the Anime forum then the ABS-CBN thread and also International TV and Movies. He eventually became a moderator and hosted a couple of games too. He would given generous prizes personally. I met him personally a couple of times and he is such a pleasant and nice guy. I don't know the details on the cause of death but last month he poste that he hospitalized and discharged after 17 days. I wished I asked how he was when I had chance. We haven't been in touch for quite awhile  and I regret that. Rest in Peace Hethler, may God bless your soul. 

Yeah, Nope.

 The plan that was supposedly spoiled last night actually didn't push through because of my choice too. I was just reminded that what I was planning to do is not practical at this point in my life. Yeah, it sucks but I need to be level-headed about it. Again, this so-called is not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things, it was something frivolous even but it would have brought me some joy. I felt I deserved it too but I was not gonna enjoy it anyway with all the other factors that would bug me anyway. I hope I can find a time where I can do that plan again. 

Can't Say No!

I planned something again tomorrow which a part of it are spoiled already because well circumstance where a decision was made without consulting you first and then lays it to you which catches you off guard. It's not a big deal to be honest but I can't help but get annoyed! Small issues that I just keep it to myself to prevent unnecessary stress. 

Preview

So a political motorcade today scares me because there was this viral clip of supporters being so obnoxious to a media institution and there's this political ally loudly proclaiming they have shut that company down and a reason for that they should be voted to higher power. And there were cheers from the crowd. Is this how gonna be the country's future be like? Just as I thought that what happened during this pandemic will be a wake up call, it feels like they felt more emboldened. I am scared of the future. I feel so hopeless. 

Adjust

 I had some plans for tomorrow that got averted because I need to adjust for certain family needs. Not gonna lie it's a bit of a bummer but I know deep in my heart this is the right and responsible thing to do.  I do hate feeling this way - of having some resentment. I'm 34 and I need to be more of an adult and stop acting like a child having tantrums of not having his way. Although to be fair to me, I only do tantrums to myself and do not show it to anyone else. I've been doing a lot of adjusting in my life to the convenience of others but that's what you do to the people you love the most.

Prolonging

I am puzzled why some people choose to make things more complicated when there's a solution that is simpler and directly addresses the issue. If you choose to keep things testy then why drag other people and hassle their lives just to give you convenience. I'm tired but I don't speak up because I know they won't listen and will just their turn the table against me. Why bother? Why add more stress to my life that's full of it already? I'm exhausted but I need to hold it together despite how everything is getting harder and harder to deal with.

Drama

 I'm tired of being in the middle of  family drama. An unnecessary drama. But I can't tell that or else more unnecessary drama will ensue. I'm tired of bad energy. I'm shielding Nanay as well from this drama so she won't get affected because it won't be good for her health. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff to and I get stressed all the time but I try my best to hide it from them especially Nanay. When she's in a foul mood and ultimately snaps at me too, it hurts a lot but I brush it aside acting as if I didn't get hurt because more than ever Nanay's health is a big priority. I hope some of my family will think that whenever they want to stir drama when they can prevent it from doing so. We have bigger things to think about.

Not gonna lie these are the moments where I wish I live independently. That I have my own life away from them. That I get to live the life I dreamed of. But God led me to this path I guess because who would be the one looking out for them? Maybe it is my purpose and I accept it.  It's just hard to take it all in sometimes. 

Here We Go Again

 It happened again, nothing really changes. I'm trying to just not care at all anymore but it's hard when you're the one directly hit even if you have no involvement at all. In an ideal world, I would cut this nonsense and be firm but I can't because doing so will just create bigger issues where in the end I'm still the one who resolves it and lower my pride. Pride? Do I still have that at a respectable measure? I don't know. Life flies by where I do nothing of significance. I try not to think about it anymore but what I can do if life continues to remind that I am nowhere. 

Additional

 Happy to learn today that a work project has been renewed for two more years so yeah that's job security especially at this time! I used to think this project will have a limited shelf life and that I was just staying on until it's over and what do you know it's still here and will be staying for the foreseeable future. The past 2 years have been rough so having this still a constant in my work life is at least a comfort with life's so many uncertainties. 

My Spotify Wrapped 2021... partially!

 I'm a little annoyed the Spotify Wrapped 2021 won't work on my phone so I can't access to my stats yet and as a chart geek it's torture! I did get my top 100 songs playlist but I need the other stuff! It's annoying that it is app exclusive now unlike before you can see a web version of it! Anyway, here's my top 10 *technically 11 but one song is listed twice due to two versions!

1. Easy on Me - Adele

2. Leave The Door Open - Silk Sonic

3. Happier Than Ever - Billie Eillish

4. Elyu - Ben & Ben (local song)

5. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

6. Cut & Run -Lifehouse

7. Papercuts - Machine Gun Kelly

8. Happier Than Ever Edit - Billie Eillish

9. Binibini - Zach Tabudio (local song)

10. Good 4 U - Olivia Rodrigo

*11. Bad Habits - Ed Sheeran

Happier Than Ever is likely my real #1 given my consumption of both the full and edited version 

Proactive

 Just listened to a podcast about the new covid variant and it somehow gave me relief. Not that it did cross out the possibility of this not being a bigger threat, far from that! But what gave me some assurance from this is how the scientists acted quickly on this new variant and announced it to the world to caution us. I admit the fear of what could go horribly wrong clouded my judgment. It is a good thing they warned the world as early as now before this becomes uncontrollable anymore. We are still in a wait-and-see mode as further studies are being done but at least is being done at the early stage of this variant. Praying this really won't be deadly and won't escape the vaccines. 📿

425

 Just 425 reported COVID cases today. It should be a cause for celebration but the threat of the new variant is a cause of concern. Praying hard this won't be a fatal variant and it could be controlled as soon as possible because I really just want this pandemic to finally not be a threat anymore. It's almost 2 years now. Life has changed so much. I'm just scared another stressful horizon is on the horizon. 

A Vibe

 Working (in the office) a day before a holiday always has that relaxing atmosphere. Of course, it isn't the same from the pre-pandemic times but still, it's nice to feel that semblance of that particular feeling again. I was able to accomplish some urgent work and also ran some errands for my family and didn't feel stressed or haggard. I hope December will run smoothly. While I know there will be a level of stress that comes with the season, I just hope there won't be life-altering problems on the horizon. Praying hard for this.

No Deja Vu Please

A lot of countries are bringing back suspending entries from countries due to the virus new variant. It's beginning to feel like another dangerous time is upon us. Everything with this new variant are still under study/observation. I really hope the vaccines are strong enough to prevent fatal cases. No one can take another round of restrictions and lives on hold. Oh please let this be not another nightmate.

Omicron

 So this new COVID19 has an official name OMICRON. I hope you won't be a household name like DELTA. I really hope the current vaccines will keep it at bay. I've accepted that this virus won't really go away but vaccines will keep it from being fatal thus less hospitalizations. Almost 2 years of this lifechanging event and just when you think it's finally coming to an end then boom another plot twist. But I hope it just us being so paranoid but in the end it won't really be the start of another nightmare. 

But...

So COVID19 cases reported today is just over 800 which is the lowest in a long time. The daily cases trend has been so good and I was really beginning to hope for a better 2022 but now the news of a new potentially deadly variant found in South Africa is dampening my mood. Hopefully, this won't be another cause of problem again. It's so tiring

Need to Feel

Christmas season is upon us! There will be caroling this year as allowed by the powers that be! I haven't been inside a mall lately but the decorations are all over from what I see outside. I sincerely hope I can feel more of the jolly holiday spirit and I get out of this sullen mode I've been lately. I'll try to get in the mood, maybe watch Christmas movies? I don't know. I really hope and pray the last month of 2021 will be saved from any worrying situation that will give me so much anxieties. Please Lord give this to me.

Tricky

 I'm in such a weird spot lately. I just feel so confused and messed up. There are so many things bugging my mind that I don't know what to do really. But I carry on each day facing life's uncertainties the best way I can. December is next week. It used to be my favorite month but I now feel so much dread. I'm scared of so many things that I can't enjoy life as it is. I always keep in mind things could be worst and yet I can't stop thinking what awaits could be terrible too. Oh Dear Lord please help find hope and peace.

No Way

  I think ahead and all I see is grim. How do you try not to think of darkness when it is seeping little by little overwhelming your senses. You know a moment of peace won't last, there's always something that's gonna ruin it eventually. You can't fully experience because there's always  a price for it. You want to be mad but you can't feel ungrateful that the worst has not happened yet. You always have to be the bigger person and handle everything as calmly as possible. But you are not made of stone despite trying to be that kind of person. You can't escape because even if you do there's no way you won't feel guilty so what's the point? Just endure as long as you can. Suck every single piece of frustration you have until you feel numb. There's just simply something you can't do. 

Not Happening

 I've been seeing this tweet going around about a breadwinner already traumatized to start a family of his own. I'm no breadwinner but currently carrying a big responsibility to my family that starting my own one is just nowhere near my future. And to be honest, I don't want to. I love the idea of having one though. I dreamed of it. It's just not something possible with my current situation and responsibilities. It does make me sad sometimes that I can't make my own path. 

Around

 I spent a good part of the afternoon watching documentaries on YouTube specifically human interest stories specific to a country. From the so-called leftover women in China, how dating works in modern Iran, water supply struggles in Pakistan, feminist movement and abuse of mentally disabled people in South Korea, rediscovering rural living in Japan, bleaching issues in South Africa to the pest struggles in the farms of Kenya! There's a lot of great professionally done narrative journalism you can find on YouTube these days and my mind is satisfied. 

Step Inside

 So I attended a meeting at my nephew's school and they encouraged for the students to go there too under safety measures of course. While my nephew was too lazy to come first, we convinced him to come because it will be the first time he will see his school since enrolling for his high school phase last year. Since he spent his pre-school and elementary years in a small school here in our subdivision, he was so amazed to be in a bigger school. I saw the excitement in his eyes! While they won't be coming back to face to face classes anytime soon as the principal announced earlier, they encouraged the parents to get the kids vaccinated as soon as possible to make this a reality. I really hope my nephew will have his real school experience next year at the very least!

Crack

 Something happened today which I'm not gonna lie is something I was hoping would happen just to shake those who refuses to see what's totally wrong. But I'm not trying to be hopeful that this could lead to a more meaningful mindset from the general public. I've been burned too many times but maybe this could be a game changer? I hope so. We desperately need  to get out of this darkness.

Defeatist

Negative thoughts are drowning me lately that a way for me to fight them off is to keep myself and preoccupied most of the time. It's really quite unhealthy that I always think of failing, of losing hope and letting the worst-case scenario grapple me. I'm just scared to think positive then ultimately end up losing. I'm so nervous about where everything is going. I need to stop accepting things if I can do something about it to change the fate. Oh God please guide me. 

You Need to Calm Down

 So after my meltdown last night, I have calmed down. Good thing I kept all those negative energy to myself and not let people know or feel what I'm going through because it would just create unnecessary stress. Unwanted tension. I had a good cry last night in bed trying to sleep and I woke up feeling better. I had a little mini meltdown to myself awhile ago too but my sensible side won thank God. I now go back feeling hopeful, very nervous but fighting for courage. I need to. 

Another L in the Forehead

 So I had this wake up call over a matter that has been an issue for years but I looked the other way so I won't get stressed about it and just hoped it would work out eventually. But now I'm facing the consequences of my negligence. I hope I can work this issue out soon enough. I'm a massive disappointment. I guess it's good I basically closed myself off from anyone so I embarrass myself less.  Or is it? I don't know. I'm just clueless.  

Sub

Yeah the expected political moves happened today and it's still worrying me a lot. I'm afraid that people already experience some form of freedom today will just ignore all the awful stuff that happened. The fanaticism on social media is alarming. So antagonistic. I'm scared, very scared.

Block

 Going to the office tomorrow because there's office service so I'll take advantage of that but honesty it's also a way for me to get distracted and avoid the news tomorrow which will definitely just stress me out because of one inevitable stunt coming to fruition. I feel so scared for next year because I do feel they will win. I have so many frustrations but feel so helpless. So I'll just try to escape at every opportunity.

Well, Well. Well?

 I jumped in the All Too Well 10 Minute Version bandwagon! Say what you want about Taylor Swift but she has really this storytelling power! This song is quite affecting in this major extended edition! It's #1 on Spotify Worldwide which is impressive because in the screaming age, the shorter the song, the more the streams it gets so for a 10-minute song to go #1 is mighty impressive!

***

Crazy days at my country. Political moves that are widely expected but still infuriating. I admit I'm scared they will win. But still clinging to hope there it won't be the case 

Still...

Traffic is really back but while there less restrictions. It still doesn't feel close too normal to me. It just is. 

Office began putting up Christmas but it just made me sad. Second year of a Christmas like this. But I will try to beat this sadness I feel and muster up as much enthusiasm as I can. 

Five

 My family received an unexpected blessing today that made my parents so happy! Whenever I see Nanay and Tatay happy, my heart is full as well. I hope this is a good sign of better days because this has been a tough year. While there will always worries, I fight each day to stay positive and hopeful and a good day like this helps me not to lose hope completely.

New connections

 So today I applied for a bundle cable TV service and fiber Internet connection from a new company that is entering our town. It's local-based company and I've read reviews from its sister company from another and mostly good reviews so I can't wait to have this installed in our house. Our current cable sucks so much ever since they got bought out by a larger company, they were better when they were just a small company, good thing we never upgraded to include Internet service because all I hear about their service is horrible. Hopefully, the fiber internet connection will be good too because the prepaid WiFi we've been using for 2 years now have been failing us lately! 

Solidify

So I was just reminded literally a few minutes ago why I should never be complacent. Absorbing another person's anxiety is so tough but I need to do it. No room for myself to be honest. I need on constant alert all the time. I have such big fears of what is ahead that I just try to avoid thinking about it but I can't escape from it. I'm living it each day. At least my gut feel over a major call is making more sense each day.  It needs to be done for everybody's sake.

Here for the Season

 Yeah, they are still the ones that can produce a Christmas that truly makes me feel like it is the yuletide season. There's always something enchanting and sincere about it. Their song always connects to me.

A Lesson Learned

 I  was watching the news earlier and they were asking common people what they want from a candidate. There was this man who I judged that is in the same "political fandom" just because of his background in life and how he talks but boy I was wrong. He made so much sense and very sensible with his opinions too. Not driven by propaganda, not driven by hate, not driven by antagonism but he became from a place where he just had enough of the hardships in life and simply wants accountability and fairness. I really should not judge people easily. What he said made me ponder if I am also falling in the trap of judging people easily because of how others behave. I should not be blinded by the loud antagonism and bending of truth by people out there. There are real people out there who are not easily swayed by those. And hopefully there are more.  

Timing

  So one thing didn't go as planned today and that led to some consequences. Not MAJOR consequences but still substantial enough to stress me out so much. Admittedly, my anxiety is rooted to my incessant overthinking! I hope it will be settled tomorrow because prolonging this will just lead to unnecessary agony. 

Roundup!

With the cancellation of Mom, Superstore, American Housewife and Brooklyn Nine Nine, my regular comedy schedule has slimmed down but I still continue to watch what's left! So thoughts on the current US Broadcast live action comedies

The Goldbergs - The season premiere tribute to George Segal was so heartfelt and a great way to honor his legacy! After that, it's the same old Goldbergs formula. Sometimes it still hits those funny bones but the same beats over and over again is just tiresome

The Wonder Years 2021 - Generally good show that explores coming-of-age topics so well and sensibly but I gotta admit it's really not LOL funny, it's amusing at best. But still a pleasant show watch.

The Conners - The Darlene storyline has potential especially with her exploration of faith and existential crisis but the character is just annoying and she deserves what Ben is giving her right now! Dan-Louise wedding was the highlight of the season so far, it was so hilarious! Laurie Metcalf continues to deliver the big laughs each episode, she's just amazing!

Home Economics - The show is trying to do a mix of Happy Endings and Modern Family but the problem is? Weak cast chemistry!

The Neighborhood - It's really a good joke/banter-heavy sitcom. Pretty basic but lovable cast.

Bob Hearts Abishola - The wedding episode was so vibrant and a pleasure to watch. Now the main couple is married, they are entering interesting plotlines so far.

Young Sheldon - This season is really handing the build up to Sheldon's dad fate really well with careful study of why George is facing a crisis that will ultimately end up to what Sheldon told us on Big Bang Theory. Also like Georgie's storyline too!

Ghosts - Best broadcast comedy of the moment! The latest episode made me tear up at the same time making me laugh out loud with that Bachelor-type show the ghosts were watching!

B Positive - The second season has a major pivot! It shifted from kidney donation to now being set at a senior home! The first episodes were rough to be honest as they wrap up the previous central storyline and builded the blocks to the new focus of the show. But the last 2 episodes when they finally focused with the new setup has been good so far with new senior characters introduced with interesting storylines. However, the love angle between the leads is tiresome!!!

Side note: They changed the opening from the bloody animated organ operation to a broadway-inspired number with Annaleigh Ashford front and center and I love it!

Of the non-US broadcast comedies I've enjoyed Ted Lasso, What We Do in the Shadows, The Other Two and my favorite Only Murders in the Building!  I'll write some thoughts maybe some other day

Unseen

 So last night Ayala avenue had its annual street lights started already. I just saw it in the news and not in person though because I was working from home yesterday but even if I work at the office I go home before 5PM so there's just no way for me to see it anymore. So for the second year in a row, I won't be able to see it again because there's no way I would stay late in the office these days. But damn 2 years of not experiencing this is making me a little sad. It was always a lovely thing to see and somehow makes me feel in the holiday spirit. Yeah, those days. Even if they are loosening up restrictions now, it's still far from normal, the real normal and not this new normal crap. I'm not sure if I will ever go back that way too. So much has changed.

Happy Birthday Tay!

 Tatay's 67th birthday today! Thank you Lord for keeping him healthy and strong. Please guide him always.

Paved

I had a good chat with an officemate today on how her family is affected by a road widening in their hometown and how they are getting the short end of the stick! They won't get compensated properly with the land they own that will be affected by it and those in power even insinuated that their land ownership over that was wrong in the first place. This a land their family owned for so long and it is only now really? She suspected that this so called widening is just for the benefit of one company because once the road widening their commercial property will now be accessible! I've read stories about this but now that I know someone personally that will get affected I really can't help but feel so frustrated even more! Are we really that powerless now?

Unknown

The start of the final 2 months of 2021! Hoping and praying things will get better personally! I want badly things to go back to normal but I also acknowledge it will never go back the way it once before. So I try my best to manage expectations, as long as it is not as terrible as I feared it will be okay. But I do wonder if this defeatist attitude will be good in the long run? Probably not but I always think of what's best for the moment. It's hard to plan for the future when a lot of things are uncertain. I do wish I was less afraid. It's so frustrating my issues are still the same all these years but my situation has gotten more complicated so whatever dreams I have are further away from reality.