Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Time

For the past two days, I stayed at home since I felt sick. I miss going to school. Although basically I don't have anything to do yet. Well I do have some HF responsibilities left but the press work for HF4 is done and I'm giving way to the finals exam week of the other students. After that back to work on finishing the remaining publications.
The past two days gave me time to think. To be honest, I feel so disappointed on how I performed as the EIC of HF team 22. I do not want to wallow to self pity but I have to be honest to myself: I did mediocre.
It is the sad truth. I just felt that I was just like the caretaker of this year's batch. I took some risks that flopped. I became so complacent. I became so passive. I was spineless. I took it easy.
One of the reasons why I did not submitted an application for the Student Awards for Campus Journalist of the Year is because I don't deserve it.
I feel guilty when some people praise me, I am overrated.
But all the stuff I experienced as EIC will be forever in my heart. I learned so much. I do hope that somehow my co-editors and staffers learned something from me too. I hate being emotional. I just need to let this out.
Still, I'm thanking God that he let me experience this. This is definitely one unforgettable experience. How I wish I have done better.
***
After graduation, I will still spend my summer with HF, doing my remaining responsibilities and making it sure that there will be a smooth transition with Team 23 editorial board.
After that I will not go job hunting yet. I am fortunate that I'm not really pressured to work immediately and I already told my parents that I will have a "vacation" first before I face the real world.
I just need time to think and reflect what I really want in my life.
What career path I would like to pursue.
Time to recover from all the disappointments I caused.
Time to heal.
Time to recharge.

Because I want to face the future with a better and stronger me.

2 comments:

Ayeen said...

Once nice and honest entry Jec. I salute you for the courage of facing your weaknesses. :-D

forg/jecoup said...

Thanks Ate Ayeen
I learned from my shortcomings