Opposing

 One moment I feel hopeful but I immediately squash this feeling because I should not feel complacent at all. A worrying news can come in to ruin it. It is bad that I always leave room for doubt because I don't want to set myself up for big disappointment. Now there's something which all signs are pointing to a very bad result and yet I'm keeping hope alive that there will be a last minute plot twist. And then I encounter something that will remind me that the worst is about to come.  Living my life in constant fear is exhausting but still trying my very best to hold on to hope and it takes all my strength to do this.

Level One

 So the capital and nearby provinces will be on alert level 1 this March which is the lowest alert level in this pandemic era. Cases are still averaging 1K cases but I think the threat level is just low now and hospitals are not being overwhelmed anymore. Let's see hopefully this is really the start when things can get back to what it used to be. I really want my nephew to experience actual school again!

Where do we go from here?

 What's happening in Ukraine is really depressing. It is scary as it could be a bad precedent. I'm quite disillusioned with what's going on. I can't feel hopeful because I am deeply terrified of what could happen next. 

No Room

It's another hectic weekend for me as I will try to balance doing a lot of things! But again this is good, I need it more. Keep my mind occupied with things to do, things to accomplish and not allow negativity to suck out my energy. And this is a worthwhile project, well projects that I could benefit in the longer run. I will thrive. I will. 

More Scary Times

 As if there are not enough problems to get worried about, this Russia vs Ukraine conflict is getting worse. I'm scared of the inflications worldwide. I dunno what to say or think anymore.

Unload

I watched the news earlier tonight and there was a special report on how anxiety has risen for the past two years because of everything that has happened. One of the things the expert told is a way to deal with it is to write a journal, even if the thoughts are not coherent, no particular structure but just write what you feel. Hey, that's what I've been doing here every single day for over a year now. I know what I usually write here has become a repetitive and with no character development but it truly helps me process what I feel. Can't afford a shrink so might as well help myself cope with all these anxious thoughts haunting me a lot. It just feels to say it out loud even in just here where barely anyone actually reads. Just having this release everyday keeps me in check the next day. But I do wish one day I can write happier things again. 

Twos

 What a fun date today is 2/22/22. Something that will never happen again in our lifetime. It's scary to think about it in a way but maybe I'm just my usual scared self. Nothing new to my life. That end point, I always think about it lately. Always haunts me because of circumstances. I pray hard every day for things to get better. For now, it actually looks like it is but I dread what could happen eventually. I dread it so much. I should think of the present which I normally do but from time to time those fears about the future creep in. Sometimes I feel there are signs or reminders of what could happen in every little thing. Let a miracle happen please.

Sides

 January lasted forever and February is about to wrap up! It's another mixed bag of a month on personal levels and national concerns but I do things the best way I can. I planned something today that didn't push through again due to the outside circumstances, such is the story of my life I guess. Again. not the most important thing in the grand scheme of things but still sucks and it can't still happen yet. Waiting continues to the perfect timing

Whew

I just finished the tasks I should have started yesterday but glad I was able to meet my goal that I can finish everything before 12AM! I devoted a lot of time today to handle those matters because of my procrastination yesterday. Hopefully, this won't happen again that I won't have the feeling of burn out I had yesterday. This should not be my fuel.

Preemptive

 I delayed doing something important today for tomorrow. It will be such a hassle but I felt I needed a break. This is not the best decision but I really wasn't feeling it. I guess this kind of attitude is a reason why I don't advance in life that much. Hopefully tomorrow I will be in better position to finish that thing already so I can rest easy

50 Minutes

I really went all in for a work task today and it was quite difficult because it's a project that involves focusing on something lengthier than usual. It's challenging but it's the kind of task I enjoy doing! I really wish I have the time and space to focus on it 100% but hey I did my best! Not yet finished with it though and will continue to do work stuff over the weekend here at home. Hopefully, I can finish everything and my plans for Monday will push through

Alleviate

 Thank goodness for my work that really requires a LOT of my attention that I don't have the luxury of time to dwell on things that worry me so much these days. I'm not sure if it's a good thing because I can't escape reality no matter how I try to avoid it. It's inevitable. But at least keeping my mind preoccupied keeps me sane and not get overwhelmed by anxiety. My fear level is on the upswing and I'm really trying my very best to stay hopeful that despite the scary signs, we could still beat the odds. Oh dear Lord please let no my fears materialize. 

On the go

 Writing this inside a jeep because I just want to try to blog on mobile. Anyway, busy days ahead at work, I really have so many things to do but this is good and I will find a way to accomplish everything. It would have been easier if I could do OT again but not possible anymore due to a lot of factors. It does feel like we are getting closer to what was life before. I hope I don't jinx it

Clinging

 I've been reading how cases worldwide have been dropping and Omicron seems to be frontloaded and less deadly. Managing my expectations but I really hope this is really the start of the end of this nightmare.  I'm finding it hard to be hopeful in a lot of things in life right now but I'm fighting hard against my own pessimism to keep hope alive despite scary signs I see. If I let hope be taken away, what is left?

Haze

 I have things to do and I can't concentrate. So many distractions from all sides of my life. This is what I get from trying to be helpful and ease the burden, I get taken advantage of. Sick of being in this situation all the time. I genuinely want to help but at the same I resent being stuck in a position like this. I'm frustrated and confused all the time. 

60

 I'm scared of the possibility in 3 months but I did see a rosy wave that could hopefully turn things around but it's going to be a hard fight. I am scared my fear will happen. I've been trying to avoid thinking about this because ultimately I'm powerless of what could happen. I hate to be a defeatist so I'm trying to lift my hope up that something could shake things up and not let that happen. Please Lord.  

Lunch Break

My mind wants to escape but my heart is stopping it. It's the right thing to do to stay and endure everything. And there's no guarantee that an escape will bring peace in mind, avoiding it won't solve anything and will just bring in only temporary relief. It will still haunt you like a shadow lurking behind. But the struggle to stay in top form is just extraordinary hard each passing day. You can't make plans without thinking about other factors. You just have to stay where it is 

Moving

 So it is confirmed that we are moving to a new office building sometime this year. I'm gonna miss building that has been my work home for over a decade. I've been to every corner of this place! But hey this transfer is essential for the company's long-term survival! It's gonna be a strange feeling when we make the move. At least it's still here in Makati and near transportation. 

Swamped

 I have a lot of work things to do and feeling a little overwhelmed but I can do this. It's good to be busy. Good for financial prospects. Good for mental health to get distracted from national issues that's very triggering. Good to have my mind occupied and not fall into the abyss of fears even for a few months. It's gonna be hard but hey this is for the better and I need to get myself together and not mess it up!

Crucial

 Everything is so crucial right now.  Not gonna lie but I'm trying to be just silent because I don't want added stress in my life right now with what I'm dealing personally but damn it's hard to ignore what's about to happen. I'm very scared right now because the past few years a lot of things that could go wrong did go wrong. So I'm avoiding thinking deeply about it because I'm just very scared. Oh Lord please guide us.