One Last Time

 My father was busy all day contacting relatives to inform them what happened to my uncle who passed away yesterday. He was also asking for financial assistance for the cremation and other needs of his family. The truth is my uncle didn't have a good reputation among our relatives with money matters. My father knows this but his love for his brother is strong enough to overcome any hesitation or shame to ask for financial help. I overheard him talking on the phone telling someone that despite all the problems my uncle had brought upon, I hope for one last time they could help him out. When he was able to gather over 20K today, I saw how his face beamed as we collected the money in the remittance areas and ATMs. I read a text message from my aunt thanking him profusely for all the help he did today. I haven't seen my father cry but I know deep inside he is grieving. He is dealing with this sadness by doing the best he can to help his brother one last time While my uncle gave him some problems too, my father never gave up and continued to support him until the end. 

Hard to Believe

 An uncle passed away today and another uncle is hospitalized with a life threatening illness. Both are the younger brothers of my father. My father is of course stressed and devastated with what's happening. Bakit sabay sabay? All we can do is support my father right now as he grieve while at the same worried with his other brother in critical condition. He is coping by contacting relatives to inform about the sad news and coordinating financial help. He sadly can't go my uncle who passed due to the pandemic. And he said to me, he is not sure he can handle his emotions and could cause his blood pressure to rise. Oh dear Lord please guide my father in this very difficult time. May my uncle rest in peace while my other uncle heal as soon as possible.

Tough times

Diffuse

 Earlier there was a tension at home because of the bad news we received yesterday. It was a result of the stress and sadness because of that news. I was the one who was in the middle to pacify the people involved. It was so stressful but hey I'm quite proud how I handled the situation because things did get better and the friction was resolved. By dinner time everything went back to normal. Emotions are just high because of yesterday's bad news. I guess that moment earlier was needed because there were pent-up emotions involved that needed to be let out. Tough road ahead but I know I need to be stronger than ever so I could be the rock they could lean on.

Numb

An hour ago I was informed of a very sad news. I won't go into details yet because honestly I'm still processing what I am feeling right now. It involves one of my greatest fears in life. While I already had a feeling this will happen but now that it is confirmed, I still feel shocked that it is happening. This year is just the worst. 

Stretch/Stress

 So I've been doing a lot of research about Plantar Fasciitis because of what I've experienced and I've really learned a lot and I must say YouTube has been quite helpful for me to understand about it. There's a lot of verified channels that discusses and shares tips on how to take care of it. I've been trying some of the stretches now and it has helped ease the pain. I was able to walk normally today although from time to time there are still pinches of pain but not that sharp anymore. One thing I've realized because of this ordeal is how poorly have I taken care of my feet. It will change now. 

***

I'm dealing with a new thing that's stressing me a little. To be honest, I really shouldn't but I don't know why my initial reaction with matters like this is skepticism. I always manage my expectations but maybe it's getting a little out of hand that I always set myself up for disappointment. I always think of the worst case scenario and the likelihood of failure is stronger. Some are just fear and lack of confidence I admit that but I feel that there are cases where I just don't see how it works out but I never tell it to the other people involved because I don't want to be that person who drags everyone down or be exposed as a coward. With this particular matter, I'm on the fence what's really bugging me about it. Oh well, no matter what I still gotta and work my best. 

Plantar Fasciitis

 So I found what this excruciating heel pain I've been experiencing is all about - Plantar Fasciitis! Sounds scary but thankfully it's not. It is when a tissue at the bottom of our feet gets irritated or inflamed that causes this sharp pain on my heel! It happens to athletes and well to fat people like me that the weight was just too much for my poor feet to handle so it gets strained. Also can happen when you wear a shoe that's too tight! Another check on my box. Anyway, to relieve the pain I've looked up measures to ease the pain and discovered a doctor's vlog on YouTube! The massage and stretching techniques she shared WORKED! Thank goodness because I had a hard time walking because of this heel pain!

 

Heel Pain

 Today was physically stressful because out of nowhere I had heel pain so walking was a struggle! I have no idea why I suddenly had this when I woke up. Could it be a bad sleeping position? In the morning, the pain was not that sharp but when I stepped off the van and walked to my office, dang! I felt a sharp pain when I tried to walk normally so yeah walking was quite a struggle. It was quite bothersome until I got home and my parents noticed I was walking weirdly. And my parents are such worrywarts that they thought I got hit by a car or something --- yes that negative on the first go! It was quite stressful but anyway explained to them it wasn't the case. My mother massaged my heel which gave me some relief. Right now,  the pain is not that sharp anymore and I could walk better now. Hopefully I'll be fully healed tomorrow.

72nd Emmys Reactions!

So the 72nd Emmys happened and my prediction flopped with only 11 correct ones! I must the awards show went smoothly as the production was competent and quite good given the circumstance. I liked that this still had the thrill of awards when most of the winners accepting their awards in real time even remotely. It was a clean 7/7 sweep for Schitt's Creek which kinda annoyed me because the final season of The Good Place went unrewarded! But I totally can't hate the show even if I'm not a fan (and haven't seen the latters seasons) because the show is a true underdog. As for Drama my favorite Succession but sad they lost in supporting acting because Matthew MacFayden and Sarah Snook are my favorite on those shows. I don't watch her show but Zendaya's win was a pleasure given her family's reaction, that was a sweet moment! My favorite bit though is Sesame Street's The Count showing up to show support for What We Do in the Shadows, clever! This tweet from nominee Ramy Youssef went viral because it showed that there was actually an Emmy intern outside his home in hazmat suit with Emmy in hand in case he wins and when he lost, the intern bid farewell and left! Bizarre but funny!

Anyway, I'm glad Emmys did deliver something not awkward to watch and as the Emmy host Jimmy Kimmel yeah giving awards in the entertainment world is of least importance especially in this world we live in right now but hey this brings in some form of fun and we need that right now.

My 72nd Primetime Emmy Awards Predictions

 The Primetime Emmy Awards happening tomorrow! It will air locally on FOX LIFE and I'm really glad unlike the Oscars, there's local coverage here! The awards night will be virtual given you know what so I'm curious how they will execute this one since they will do it mostly live and they have over 100 camera crews stationed to the nominee houses/hotels/wherever they are staying to capture their winning speech live. I'm more excited how they will pull it off than the actual awards! Anyway, since I'm back on blogging I might as well bring back the awards predictions I used to do here when I was an active blogger!

Here are my predictions!

OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES: 

Succession 

OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES: 

Schitt's Creek

OUTSTANDING LIMITED SERIES:

Watchmen

OUTSTANDING COMPETITION PROGRAM: 

RuPaul's Drag Race

OUTSTANDING VARIETY TALK SERIES:

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES: 

Eugene Levy, , Schitt's Creek

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES:

Catherine O'Hara, Schitt's Creek

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES: 

Steve Carell, The Morning Show

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES:

Jennifer Aniston, The Morning Show

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE

Hugh Jackman, Bad Education

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE

Regina King, Watchmen

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES

Mahershala Ali, Ramy 

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES

D'Arcy Carden, The Good Place

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES

Matthew MacFadyen, Succession 

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES

Sarah Snook, Succession 

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE

Jim Parsons, Hollywood

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE

Jean Smart, Watchmen

OUTSTANDING DIRECTING FOR A COMEDY SERIES

Modern Family, Finale Part 2

OUTSTANDING DIRECTING FOR A DRAMA SERIES

Succession, This is Not For Tears

OUTSTANDING DIRECTING FOR A LIMITED SERIES, MOVIE OR DRAMATIC SPECIAL

 Watchmen, This Extraordinary Being

OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A COMEDY SERIES

Happy Ending, Schitt's Creek

OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A DRAMA SERIES

Succession, This is Not For Tears

OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A LIMITED SERIES MOVIE OR DRAMATIC SPECIAL

Watchmen, This Extraordinary Being

Snippets 4

My uncle had his MRI today as he had been experiencing extreme body pain that almost made him immobilized. Praying hard for good result. My uncle is such a nice, generous, and hardworking guy and he does not deserve to have such physical suffering. I really hope he will feel better soon enough and this sickness will be cured. 

***

There's a major change in a work project I have that made me a little sad but I know this will be for the better to help the project's sustainability. It's not really a bad thing but just a major change that I need to get used to. I can adapt with changes but I can't stop my emotion sometimes. 

***

For the first time since we've been using a prepaid Wi-fi modem over a year ago, we had connectivity problems today that only one phone was able to have a good connection while my laptop and my nephew's desktop struggled to connect and when we did, the connection was slow except for YouTube! It was so odd but we turned off the modem for nearly an hour, when we turned it on again, the connection was good just like it used to. Anyway, good thing it was a not big problem because we're still gonna stick with a prepaid  Wifi, cheaper! 

Productive

 Today was one of the busiest day I had at work during this pandemic and I absolutely loved it. I arrived at the office a little past 6 AM and was busy all the way until 3;30 PM! I juggled multiple tasks which were doing quality check for dubbing, video editing revisions, submission of videos to our uplink facility. supervising the task for my work from home video editor and some paperwork! I even found some time to ran some errands for my parents during my break. I totally maximized my day. What I love about being preoccupied is that I didn't have the time for soul-sucking sentiments which I have been dwelling on lately!

Enveloped in Sadness

 Gloomy weather today. It didn't rain but some drizzles. It's the type of weather I actually like: Cool breeze without the stress of hard rains. It's the perfect weather to walk around and relax. And yet with everything going on, it just doesn't feel the same. In fact, the cold weather worries me because I could get the sniffles and THIS IS NOT THE TIME to have one. Six months in and even if I've experienced some liberties now, I still can't shake this feeling off. The gloomy weather even added intensity to what I'm feeling inside. I was listening to a local podcast earlier and one of the host said that the one of the permanent things in our lives is uncertainty and this pandemic placed it on centerstage. So true. 

Counting the Days

So we are now on our 6th month of quarantine and coincidentally this day also marks the start of the traditional Christmas countdown with 100 days to go. Frankly, it's so hard to muster the enthusiasm for the upcoming holidays with the uncertain state we are in right now.

Today we were issued a new version of the barangay quarantine pass with QR code now. This pass is not just for a single person per household but for three people now. I should be happy about it because it is less restrictive than the old one but the fact we still need a quarantine pass 6 months later is not something to be happy about. I'm still not comfortable in this so-called new normal. I can deal with it but I can't accept it. 

I saw a mall a few days ago which already has Christmas decorations like we have our normal lives back. It looks so sad because yeah the decorations are festive but so few people inside. It feels like they were trying to get that holiday magic but who can experience that anyway? Still hoping and praying for the country - the world - will be in better shape to celebrate the holidays.

Borders

 I discovered the Vox Media online documentary series BORDERS during the lockdown this year and I was mesmerized~ This is basically a travel documentary that focuses on under reported stories about international cultures and conflict. This was so educational and immersive. Excellent journalism! Unfortunately, the show's host Johnny Harris announced on his YouTube channel that the series has now been cancelled due to recent events. He was not direct about the reason but safe to say it's a financial fallout due to the pandemic. Journalism is really hit had by this crisis. So frustrating. 

Manic Monday No More

I usually work from home on Mondays but because of an important task I went to the office today and it was first my time to commute to work on a Monday in the pandemic world. The last and only time I went to the office on a Monday during this "era",  I was fetched by the office shuttle along with other co-workers residing in Cavite. Today the travel was so light and it's a strange feeling since it's a Monday. I don't know why but I can't still fully accept the "normal" we have right now. It's been 6 months and all signs are pointing that we will gonna stay this way for the rest of 2020. Why am I still in denial? Why am I still resistant? 

Go Away Negative Thoughts

 So our relative who is sick right now is worrying us a lot right now. I'm trying to calm my parents down by assuring them that everything will be fine and that he will be cured eventually but they are skeptical and seems to be losing hope. Our relative is bed ridden now, I don't know why he is not being rushed to the hospital but my guess is because of fear of COVID19 as well as the possibility that they could be turned away too because of the pandemic and beds could be full. Our relative is just in pain and has expressed he wants to have peace now, scary thoughts really. My parents are visibly worried and anxious. I'm afraid the stress will affect their health too. That's why I'm pushing for optimism because we can't lose hope.

 Oh dear Lord please save him and let him survive this ordeal.

Snippets 3

Water and Electricity bills came in today and paid them right away via Paymaya! We've been paying via those platforms since April and will definitely stick with it for the foreseeable future. My parents who used to be hesitant with paying without a paper receipt are now comfortable with this system 

***

A close relative is sick and not in physical good condition. It's quite worrying. I hope and prays he recovers soon enough. I couldn't stress enough how getting sick in the middle of a pandemic is just so complicated and adds more tension

***

My nephew had his first week of live Zoom classes and I asked him how was it and it was fine. The classes are from Monday to Wednesday and only in the morning. Just 30 minutes per subject. It's more really like a warm up, to test the new way of teaching. This academic year is just so hard because of how everything is so unprecedented. 

***

I don't have high hopes that things will be better in 2020 but I can at least hope it won't get worse anymore. Let us see the light please.

Normal But Not

Today the office shuttle was back so I went to work at the office instead of at home which I normally do on a Friday. I had an important work task that I need to do in the office anyway. To be honest, I could have gone home earlier via carpool because there's less traffic on SLEX which is the route to our town. In the office shuttle, I'm the last one to be dropped off as most of my co-workers riding the shuttle are from Imus and nearby areas so we go there first where traffic is just more headache inducing. But of course I can save money via the office shuttle so I wouldn't pass that opportunity. Traffic was indeed horrendous!  Before when I get stuck in traffic, it is because there's so much activity going on outside but not the case this time. We were still in the road by 6:30 PM and the malls are already closed or most of their establishments are. It's just a weird look to have a "normal traffic" but the surrounding's atmosphere is not the same busy and active life anymore. During the early days of lockdown, I once said to myself that I miss the normalcy of the traffic! I've experienced heavy road traffic again but definitely it's not a sign of things really going back to our pre-pandemic lives The torture of traffic just found a way to insert itself in this so-called new normal. 

Headline

I was buying something for my parents at the nearby grocery earlier when I saw a single copy of The Philippine Star broadsheet and out of impulse bought it. After what's happening to journalism this year, I have the urge to help out the best way I can which is actually buying printed editions. The newspaper as expected is so thin and my father was also surprised when he saw it when I brought it home. I skimmed the pages and it is very noticeable that they have lesser ads than usual. Damn. I hope the newspaper can still survive. They still bring in quality writing and thorough reporting which you don't find that much online with the fight for clickbait titles and going viral overshadows actual article, so many people comment based on headline alone and not even bother reading the article!

Anyway, PhilStar's headline today is another one that made me sad! Hundreds of private schools ceasing operations!!! I knew this was bound to happen because the challenges of education in this pandemic is unprecedented and difficult to sustain. But there's something jarring to witness several schools closing down. The possibility of this even happening is something that never crossed my mind until this nightmare disrupted our lives. 

What a year this has been, the foundations of many industries are tested to the core. Such a pivotal moment of how we will live in the future. 

On Shaky Ground

 Retrenchment on ABS-CBN, Inquirer and now GMA News TV. I bought Philippine Star last Saturday and it only had 3 sections with 22 pages. Comparing it to the March 13 issue (pre-lockdown) that had 9 sections and 64 pages. Challenging times for journalism. No wonder my course was dissolved, it's hard to attract students to study journalism with fewer options left for a career. I'm afraid where the industry is going. 

Snippets 2

My nephew had his exam earlier with the school delivering the exam straight to our home. GrabExam? LalaExam? Such strange times we are living. My nephew seems to be able to adjust through with this setup at least. 

***

Glad and relieved my mother's lab test results are generally fine. Lots of maintenance medicines but still better than a more worrying-inducing situation that I cooked up in my mind. 

***

I accepted a new job responsibility because they requested help. I like the task but this one needs careful time planning. Anyway, it's sort of a good problem because it shows the company is busy and that's good business. 

It? No.

 So today the president gave a pardon to an American soldier who killed a Filipino transgender back in 2014. His justification why he gave the pardon is one you would expect from him. Of course, it is the hotly debated topic now on social media and as expected it went ugly especially those supporting the decision. I know transgender is a concept that won't be easy to grasp here in the country but the hate I'm seeing right now, unbelievable. Personally, I've only learned to understand transgenders fairly recently as well but still we are talking about living people here. They're not an "it" like how that person referred to the victim. 

It's so hard not to be jaded. The negativity never stops. 

Eleven

Just like the good old days of Friendster survey, my friend nominated me for this survey chain. Unfortunately, I may stop the chain because I don't know that many people who are still blogging on a personal level, nasa twitter na sila lahat! But I like the questions so here I go

1. If you can blog about something that no one can ever read, what would it be?

Detailed regrets and resentments in life. I sometimes share it here but I try to be vague.

2. What would have been your job if not for your current one?

A regular rank and file employee in an office.

3. Seeing how the pandemic has affected everyone in the world, would you consider migrating to another country?

Before I would say no but now I'm thinking if only I can afford to do so I would. Not really because of the pandemic but because I would want to go to a place with less stressful political environment. 

4.What do you think would have kept your preoccupied if there was no coronavirus?

Watching movies in the cinema maybe every week.

5. What skills would you love to learn?

Driving. I'm just really, really scared of getting into an accident.

6. If you can forget someone in your life, who would it be and why?

Someone that I unwittingly embarrassed because I made a poor decision on a tricky subject where I didn't trust my gut

7. If you can change one person today, who would it be and why?

Myself. I want to be braver in life

8. If you die now, would you like to have another shot to live? If so, would you like to continue living as yourself, or live as a new person?

Living with myself as long as it is with my family all intact and safe.

9. What is your idea of afterlife?

Peace.

10. If you can talk to anyone in the past, who would it be and what would you tell them?

A certain political figure and I would say to them "Foresight!"

11. Name a song that best fits your life so far

Malayo Pa Ang Umaga

11 Facts About Me

1. I started losing my hair in my late 20s and now I have a terrible bald spot like a middle-aged man. It's a source of insecurity to be honest

2.  I don't drink alcohol simply because I don't like the taste

3. I have two old model of smartphones.

4. I have Globe and Smart SIM cards. The Smart number I've used since college and the Globe one for nearly 10 years now.

5. I have no Facebook/Twitter apps on both my phones mainly because my internal memory is limited

6. I've been wearing eyeglasses since I was fourteen.

7. I have no Instagram because I'm not really a photo person

8. I don't like looking myself in a mirror because I hate looking at myself. 

9. I have an irrational fear of LPGs because I feel like it could explode anytime. 

10. My laptop has flickering monitor for over a year now but I have yet to get it fixed because it's still workable enough. 

11. Knocking on wood each time an extreme negative thought crosses my mind helps me deal with anxiety. 

XXXIII

1. I wish I can go out without a face mask/shield again
2. I wish I can go to mass.
3. I wish I can watch a movie at the cinema.
4. I wish I can commute the way I used to.
5. I wish I can see more people around the office.
6. I wish I can see a crowded mall again.
7. I wish I can go to an establishment without registering.
8. I wish I can get a body massage again.
9. I wish I can see kids playing outside again.
10. I wish students can be in school again.
11. I wish senior citizens can go out safely again.
12. I wish I will finally have the courage to learn to drive.
13. I wish ABS-CBN to return to the airwaves soon.
14. I hope this nightmare will be over soon enough.
15. I hope for more empathy.
16. I hope for more critical thinking.
17. I hope for healthy discourse.
18. I hope for more open-mindedness.
19. I hope for accountability.
20. I hope for being assertive without arrogance.
21. I hope for clear and decisive planning.
22. I hope for realizations of what's really wrong.
23. I hope for an awakening.
24. I hope for justice.
25. I hope for peace.
26. I pray for my company to continue to be in a good financial state
27. I pray for me and my family to stay in a good and stable financial situation.
28. I pray that I stay safe and healthy
29. I pray for my siblings and their partners to stay safe and healthy
30. I pray for my nephew to stay safe and healthy
31. I pray for my parents to stay safe and healthy. 
32. I pray that I can be more daring and courageous in life
33. I pray that I can handle the challenges that life will throw at me and will never give up no matter what. 

Eve

So it's my birthday tomorrow and per usual I have no plans especially now in the state we live in. I will have the usual cake, pancit, and all those food items to share with my family but nothing really special. I like having low key birthdays. Part of my introvert nature really. Also, I will accompany my mother tomorrow for her routine lab tests and hopefully, nothing scary comes out of it. My family's safety and health are basically my birthday wish every year.

So I will turn 33 tomorrow and geez I am at my father's age when I was born! I still sometimes can't fathom that I am this old, a full-fledged adult but here we are. Not gonna lie this wasn't the life I pictured myself in when I'm this age already but you know what with everything that happened this 2020, I have a new appreciation with my life. All my complaints and whinings before seem so futile right now. I have a lot of things to be grateful. 

But of course, while I'm basically contented where I am, I still dare to dream and hopefully I can manage to reach that even if it's gonna be difficult but reach for the stars, right?

Thank you Dear Lord for another year.  

My Top 5: Rubbing Alcohol

Aside from face masks/shield, the must have this pandemic season isrubbing alcohol. I've been the one doing the purchasing and stocking up of at home and I've tried nearly every brand available! Here are my top 5 picks

1. GREEN CROSS

2. CLEENE

3. BAND AID

4. CASINO

5.  HYGIENIX

Reactivate

So  I activated my dormant GCASH. I had it since 2017 as part of a promo when I watched Coco in Ayala cinemas. I had my ticket discounted 50% when I downloaded the app as a GCASH freebie! But I didn't it use that much after my initial use for mobile load. I just liked Paymaya better because it had a virtual card I can use for Spotify subscription. Actually, only this year due to the lockdown that I used my Paymaya outside of paying for Spotify! Paymaya was very useful in paying bills! Back to GCash, I decided to reactive it since it seems to be the more popular mobile wallet app and you never know I might have the need to use it so I better have it back.

The other online portal I reactivated is my Paypal! I actually had it since 2008! I think it was the time I was thinking of monetizing this blog so I signed up for one. But I didn't move forward because I got lazy to be honest so my Paypal became useless and eventually forgotten. When I reactivated GCASH, I've read that I can link it on Paypal so there, I was reminded I had one before! When I tried to reset my password, the mobile number saved there was my old one that I don't have anymore! But good thing, I answered the security questions correctly but it took me a second try! I reactivated Paypal because well just in case I will need it. There's no specific reason just yet but I just felt like I need to reorient myself with digital money transactions because it is essential in the world we live in right now. To be honest, I still don't fully get how Paypal works so let me study it!

Please Ber With Me

Ber months are here! Honestly, the endless and tiring Jose Mari Chan jokes has run its course! But I do love Jose Mari Chan's Christmas in our Hearts album. Whenever I listen to it, it gives me warm feelings. I will not listen to it yet, just not in the mood It's already a given this year's holiday season will be so different. I've accepted it. I hate it but what can I do right? I just hope and pray that me and my loved ones will stay healthy and away from any life threatening disease. That's all I want for Christmas.

I will listen to this though to kick things off. It's still my favorite not-so old Christmas song. I love the message it wants to send across. I need to be reminded to keep on believing even if the present feels so difficult and jaded. I need to believe. 

Battle Cry

So today, on the last day of the retrenched employees, ABS-CBN launched this music video "Tinig ng Nawalan" and it's such a powerful piece. It speaks a lot not just with what happened to them but also the general feeling of despair and frustration/

May alaala ang kasaysayan.

Unexpected

 My video editor went to the office last week to hand out his resignation and collect his stuff. He can no longer go to work in Makati because he chose to stay with his family in Tarlac. Days before the quarantine was implemented he went back home and stayed there until last week when they rented a vehicle so he can properly hand out his resignation. I  expected it and totally understand his situation. In a crisis like this, you want to be with family. But to our surprise, the administration asked if he was willing to work from home! They consulted me actually if I could arrange a work from home setup and while to be honest it will be a little difficult to do but then again it's workable so of course I said yes. In this world we live in right an opportunity to secure employment is vital. I'm happy the administration was the one who offered the opportunity because it just shows great character really. I admit I had my fair share of complaints in my 11 years with the company but I always chose to stay despite of it because well the place is really a home to me.In this crisis, I even appreciated how our company took care of  us. I'm blessed I found a home here.

Processing

I was talking earlier to a college friend  from my days at the school student publication about my beloved college course Broadcast Journalism getting dissolved for this academic year. We are trying to figure out why the school can't sustain the program anymore. The main reason given by the school administration was the financial effect of the pandemic which is understandable. I've read in the FB group of our program a post from a current student who shared that there are only 8 freshmen enrolled this upcoming school year and the school needed at least 20 to justify continuing the program. The second and third year students will continue but the freshmen were advised to shift course.  Reading the posts of the current students online, I'm impressed with how they are passionate to keep the program alive even writing directly to the admin making their case why the program should stay. I'm so far away from the university now to fully understand what happened but still, I wished the school tried to make it work. Was it really that difficult to keep the lights on?

But truth be told the lack of interest from the younger generation about the course is alarming The course has seen a major decline in the K-12 era. The current third and second year students combined is less than 40. When I was freshman we were near 40 in our block. So what's happening? It is because the lack of viable work opportunities in this field or simply disinterest especially in this era where people can self publish content online? Is there something wrong with media literacy in high school? Has social media killed traditional broadcast journalism?  You know the one that's analytical and not just doling out "content" as quickly and baity as possible to trend? 

I'm sad and bitter.

A part of my life is lost now.

Heartbreaking

 So on this day...

My course Broadcast Journalism was dissolved by DLSU-D due to small amount of freshmen who enrolled this semester.

All the regional editions of TV Patrol had their final broadcast today as the regional stations of ABS-CBN are closed now due to network's denial of franchise/

MOR 101.9 is having their farewell programming as I type this. But the jocks started saying their goodbye yesterday on their respective shows and I've watched all of it and saw a lot of DJs cry as they say their thank yous and goodbyes.

Not a good day for Philippine broadcast media. 

 

A Good Heart

We have a new receptionist at the office today and when I asked her name I found out she's the wife of the recently deceased driver of our boss. His death was so sudden really, it's not because of COVID19 but he had a disease that he was hiding apparently from his family because he didn't want to be a bother until it was too late. One day he was rushed to the hospital and sadly he didn't make it. It was a heartbreaking story because he was still young (in his 40s) and he still has a family to raise. He was also a nice and cheerful guy. He is greatly missed. I'm very happy his wife is working with the company now. I'm sure our boss made it happen. If there is one thing that made me stay this long with this company because I respect our big boss a lot. He has a good heart. May God bless him.

200K

Today the country's confirmed cases of COVID19 is now over 200K. No end in sight. Worrying. Frustrating. Infuriating.

***

 The weather is so humid today and it feels like we are back in summer. Now at night the humidity is just adding to the stress level I have right now. Actually the root issue is just a small thing but it's annoying me a lot but I have to be patient as always. So here I am just typing it all out away hoping that putting what I'm exactly feeling right now will help me relax and feel better

For Life

 

So one my childhood radio station is closing down this Friday although technically they have been off air since the ABS-CBN shutdown last May but they continue to broadcast via Facebook and their website but this Friday it all comes to an end. I became listener in the late 90s when it was still called WRR 101.9 All The Hits, All The Time and of course it was part of my childhood chart geek  era and I listened religiously to the Saturday Top 20 countdown with Martin D. I've witnessed the radio's various rebranding from For Life to Bespren to Tambayan and when it finally used the branding of the provincial ABS-CBN FM stations - My Only Radio. A college friend is one of their DJs and his journey was such a good one because he was a fan since a child too and the DJs knew him because he was an avid caller and occasionally visited the station . He did became a radio DJ for another station and made a name for himself but this was his dream station and it finally came true January this year and I'm sad it was cut short.

I've had my radio heartbreaks before (93.9 KC FM's demise, Delamar leaving Morning Rush, DJ Kelly leaving radio, Campus Radio dying twice) but this one hurts the most given the circumstance. I'll definitely listen to the farewell show this Friday. I truly hope and pray they will come back though someday.

Panic Comeback

 So yeah an hour ago, we had another medical panic because my mother couldn't sleep and she was worried her blood sugar is hig. Because of the stress my father was panicking so my mother got irritated and scolded him. Some good minutes of anxiety-driven arguments later we arrived at the nearby small hospital to have her blood sugar checked and thankfully it was at a normal level. We are at home now but I decided that tomorrow we will visit the clinic she regularly has her check up on. Well, next week was the scheduled for her tests anyway for her diabetes management so better have a check up again just to make things sure. It was a stressful night. I need to constantly remind myself to not let the anxiety win because I should be on top of things,I must be the sensible person, I have to be the rock they can lean on. It's so difficult because I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with it but I have no time to dwell on negative thoughts and just do it, just be the stronger one. 

1 > 7

I've read today a tweet stating that the total confirmed COVID19 cases here this month already exceeded the total cases from the first seven months. We have over 94K in August compared over 92K combined from January to July. Very alarming and scary. The reported confirmed today is over 2K which is actually the lowest in awhile. We have gone from averaging 200 cases a day in summer to over 4K consistently the past few fays. I've learned to accept that life will never be the same again. I resent it but what can I do about it? I admit the past few weeks I've been avoiding to think about this pandemic anymore by choosing to focus my attention elsewhere. But you simply cannot escape this. I remain hopeful we can see the light soon even if I feel like everything is so chaotic with no clear direction to safety. I need to cling on to hope.

A Good Kind of Suck

Thanks to the Emmy nominations it received this year including Outstanding Comedy Series, I checked out the series WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS. It's so hilarious! It's a mockumentary about 4 vampires and their human familiar living together. In a way, it's like a modern version of The Addams Family but bloodier! The writing is so sharp and most importantly the acting is top notch. My favorite character is Colin Robinson, an "Energy Vampire'. He is not your typical vampire because he does not drink blood and can be exposed in daylight. What he sucks is people's energy by boring and annoying people out! The show had two seasons so far with 10 episodes each so if you can, check it out!

Distance Learning

 So my nephew's Grade 7 class has started by receiving the video materials and the books.The videos  were given to my sister via a flash drive while also being available through Google Drive. My sister and my nephew are also part of official Facebook group chats of the school and class while there's also the official student online platform where modules are uploaded and the schedules of submissions and such are posted. I watched the videos, some are provided by a textbook supplier which are quite good and has the Encarta feel but what I really like the videos produced by the school themselves especially the Math one. The teacher was in the video while there's a Powerpoint slide presentation for the visuals of what she's discussing. The teacher's voice is clear and she conducts herself as if she was really in the classroom. It was able to dig up my Math nightmares memories too! I'm glad my sister enrolled my nephew in this school as they are really quite competent so far. It's very essential because this new system is such a big challenge. 

Two Sounds of Silence

 Yesterday I had the chance to go to a chapel and a mall for the first time since March. The chapel I went to is actually closed but the design of the chapel is open-air so you could still see inside as you stand by the locked gate. It had a calming effect when I was there and began praying. We live in such uncertain times, the biggest life-changing event a lot of people are experiencing and sometimes your faith could keep help you to keep holding on despite everything that's happening. While we pray at home and watch the masses on TV, it's still different when you are there. 

When I entered a mall it really made me feel so sad because it's so empty. Not literally of course but this mall which used to be a busy one has very few people inside outside the employees. There are stores open but mostly with no one around. Out of curiosity, I checked out the cinemas and it's even more depressing as it is literally dark there as there were barely any lights on and the nearby food stalls and fast food were all closed as expected. It was also frozen in time when you see the movie posters around. It truly hit me that the moviegoing experience could really die. I hope it won't be the case. Countries like Japan and Korea who have theaters back in business are showing good signs of life in the box office so I hope it will be the case eventually worldwide but it's gonna be tough to convince people to go back. 

Another month is gonna end soon and we are entering the ber months still pretty much in a chaotic world so guaranteed the holiday season is gonna be different this year. Oh dear Lord please let us have holiday season the way we knew it or the very least not as restrictive that you can't feel the spirit anymore.

Over

 So just a few minutes ago I found out that one major aspect in my life that I've been involved in for many years will likely be coming to an end. I won't go to specifics because it's not yet a sure thing and I could be jumping the gun. However, all signs are pointing to the doors closing. I didn't expect this to happen because I thought it will find a way to make it work like it always does. This thing had face so many obstacles in the past but it always finds a way to survive despite very challenging situations thrown at it. But sadly it can't survive this pandemic. I feel deflated because you know that thing has become a part of my life so for long and I devoted a lot of time, energy, and effort to it. Despite its many flaws, I loved it and it fulfilled one dream I have. Although I won't deny there are times before that I wished it was over so I can be free of the pressure but I know it was just the stressed soul talking and I really didn't mean it. I've would not be involved with it for so long if I didn't love it, right? But maybe as this door is gonna close maybe it will open doors. Or maybe reopen a door I thought I closed already. 

Back II

 The carpool driver texted me today telling me he's back in service tomorrow with the country easing the restrictions. He asked me if I would ride and I said yes. He texted in ALL CAPS!, He's excited I guess to go back to work after two weeks. I'm glad to have my regular carpool back. I'm so grateful with the company shuttle for the past two weeks but it was never gonna be a regular thing so I'm glad to have the carpool accessible once more. Also, glad more people will have their source of livelihood back again. The threat of the virus is always scary but we can't afford another total shutdown of the economy any longer. 

***

My nephew was shocked to see his former classmate in elementary added in their Grade 7 class online group. He's annoyed with him but treated him kindly compared to their other classmates so I said to him that he might have followed you in that school haha! I could relate so much because I had classmates in the past who were quite annoying but I was still very kind to them because in general they're really harmless and do not deserve to be treated rudely. I admitted they tested my patience too but whenever there's a choose your own group activity on school, they will lean on me and of course I accepted them. I remember one teacher told me that initially, he thought I was "like that" too but later on he realized that they just gravitate toward me because I'm patient and approachable.  I'm an introvert but I try not to alienate people. I never had a "barkada" to be honest but I like it that way, I can be friends with anyone and was never tied to one group. I do think people don't see me as intimidating so I can work with practically anyone. Flexibility and adaptability are so essential when you work. 

Early Morning Panic

 So yesterday I received a text about a very big and urgent work concern that really drove me sleepless. I admit this concern was because of something I overlooked so it really stressed me out. I had to go to the office today and it was raining hard as our shuttle heads to the office and it added to my anxiety really. Then we arrived at the office, it was locked as the one who usually opens the office couldn't go to work because his carpool was not available. The stress level was through the roof because that work concern was very urgent. The other person who has key arrived over an hour later! Once we got in I immediately went to the editing computer and gathered the stuff I needed. This urgent concern also made three other people come to work earlier than they normally do to help out. Thankfully, the concern was settled around 9AM! Nabunutan ako ng tinik. I really appreciated how everyone was helpful. You know I admit I like working alone but you really need to know when to get help and not be shy about it. Also, learn to admit your mistake. I was careful not to give excuses and I also appreciate the fact the managers didn't give me a hard time even though they got stressed as well. I know I'm lucky because other people would have berated me. I had my experiences of that as well during my early years at work, I even had one shouting match to a co-worker that led me to walk out HAHA! I would never forget that. That's really the only instance I ever lost my cool at work and got visibly angry. Of course that incident was a learning experience and that person I argued with became a good friend through the years (she resigned last year).  Anyway, hopefully I won't experience that kind work-related stress again..I need to be alert all the time and be extra mindful to avoid being in that situation.  

Snippets

 Today is my nephew's 12th birthday. Time flies. He's gonna be a teenager next year. I'm just grateful he is healthy and generally happy kid.  May God Bless him more.

***

I woke up with a clogged nose. Before it's nothing to be alarmed about but not anymore in this era. Fortunately, I feel better now and no coughs or fever or anything very scary. The anxiety drove me nuts really. 

***

Received a text about a work concern that is driving me nuts.

Shield

 It's now mandatory to wear face shields while on public commute and  at work. Personally, I'm fine and I do wear face shields when I'm outside anyway. However, today I went out to buy my parents' medicines and found out that the drug store won't let out anyone without face shield. Again, I do wear one already so it was not an issue but just surprised that stores could now be doing the same. I guess it just bothers me that it has come to this, the situation is this terrible that face shields are now gonna be a regular thing like face masks. Yesterday, there were over 6K cases again. It's midway of August. We will start the BER months still in such precarious situation. I'm guessing the stricter quarantine in Mega Manila will be extended. How are business and jobs gonna survive? Terrible time and it feels so endless. 

TeleNovela Channel Philippines General Plug 2020

I just tried the "blog this" button on YouTube so might as well make it today's post😂! I'm studying our channel's YouTube channel which has existed for several years now which was really just used to upload videos for promotion. Now we will try if we can get monetized. Well, actually we applied already but got rejected because there's no "original input" on the videos we uploaded. The freelance social media manager who handled this is no longer working for us so I was asked to check this one and see what could we work out. The channel has 17K subscribers so there's a potential. I'm still a noob when it comes to this though but I have to learn now.

Kalakal

While I was walking to our subdivision earlier, I saw two older kids collecting kalakal (junk they can sell) who were then chastised by a barangay officer because they are not allowed to go out under quarantine rules. I heard one kid telling the official that they will go home now as they already collected enough for the day. I continued walking so I didn't get to hear what happened next. But when I was near the subdivision's gate, I looked back to see what happened to them, I saw the officer was still talking to both kids but later on he left and so did the kids. I know the officer was just doing his job but I can't help but feel sad because that incident is like a gut punch. I feel that unlike other kids they don't really have the  privilege to stay at home and they need to find a way to earn a living. Life before this pandemic was already hard what more now. School is another issue for sure, will they be able to go back to school especially with the online/blended learning setup? How many more kids will be deprived of education because of what's happening? I sometimes want to avoid thinking about these matters because I just end sad and frustrated but I can't help it because life will find a way to remind you that the problem is too severe to not to care. 

One Hundred

My 100th post this year. My most active blogging year since 2013 when I was still doing Chart Recaps! I initially just wanted to blog to document my life in lockdown but later on it helped me process my rollercoaster of emotions because of all that's happening in this country and the world.  I've been so used to tweeting the past few years but now I feel like this blog is the safer place to share what I am feeling.  It also has been a good writing exercise as well. And boy I do need to polish my writing skills. I often myself editing after initial publishing because I spot so many errors and incoherent thoughts. I've noticed how I often use same words twice in one sentence! Write, publish, edit, publish, edit, publish! Of course there are times I don't bother to check for errors if I'm overwhelmed with emotions and sometimes just plain laziness. But I did realize during this time that I really need to strive to be better  and not just settle for mediocrity. One can only improve if you acknowledge the mistake and not be in denial about it.

It's been a pleasure to blog frequently again. My day is not complete without posting something here. I hope to continue doing this and write better essays along the way! 

Wiki

 For the first time ever I edited a Wikipedia article! Well, it's the channel I handle for work. I just updated it because it's been months since it was last updated. Truth be told, no one in our company created that page or updated it before. Must be just a viewer but no false information was posted so we just let it be. It didn't do harm anyway. I also often use it as a reference for the timeline of the programs that aired on the channel! That's actually why I made a Wikipedia account using the official e-mail of the channel when I saw that the programming timeline was not updated. Upon editing the page, I checked the history to see who was editing, and true enough it was one of the viewers who also posted before on the channel's Facebook page. I clicked his account and HE WAS BANNED! Apparently, he made sock puppet accounts! I guess it was an IP ban. Oh well!

Health is Wealth

 My uncle is in better condition now and will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow. Thank you Lord. Honestly, yesterday's incident left a really a mark me. Just like when my mother lost consciousness in the bathroom a few months ago. It's so surreal to see the strong figures of your life in such weak moments. I was worried for my father too, he is already a worrywart on a regular day then this year seeing your wife and youngest brother have medical crisis will raise the anxiety level to a different degree. I was worried for his health so I was always on alert assisting that he does stretch himself too thin. Thank God my mother's health is better now and hopefully my uncle will recover quickly as well. I also pray hard to keep Tatay healthy as always. Health is Wealth seems to be one of those cliches you use to say when people ask you what's your motto in life but as years pass and you see people in medical emergencies, you would really feel the value of it. I pray to God as well that I will stay healthy as well. 

2020 Won't Stop

Late this morning my cousin rushed to our house to inform us my uncle couldn't speak although he is conscious. Tatay and I rushed to their house and it was so unforgettable because we were all crying as we are trying to talk to him but he was just sitting but would not respond. He would just look at us and we hear nothing but moaning. Good thing their neighbor who has an emergency van was there so we were able to rush my uncle to the hospital. When we got there he was immediately admitted and we found out he had very low sugar that's why he was acting that way. An hour later my uncle regained consciousness and according to my aunt who was with him (only one companion inside the hospital due to pandemic restrictions) he had no memory of what happened today. He was actually shocked to wake up inside a hospital. In a way, it's good thing he has no memory of what happened earlier because it was so traumatic really. It would not help him. My cousin said that uncle had been feeling not well for weeks already but he would rebuffed any suggestion of going to the hospital because of COVID19 fears. I totally get him but his body basically made the decision and forced him to go to the hospital. Thank God, he is in better condition now. He is confined in the hospital for observation. What a day really. Getting sick in a pandemic is extra complicated and raises the stress level. This year is so challenging. Lord please better days ahead. 

Just One

 My brother shared to me a story that he went to a mall earlier this week and it was a ghost town. The atmosphere is so sad and while there are stores open, barely any people are inside. The reason he went to a mall because he saw a vlog telling that one shop there is selling top brand rubber shoes heavily discounted. I told him maybe the store is just clearing out the stocks because they will close. He does not know and he didn't even ask when he went to the store. True enough the rubber shoes are on sale. But not surprisingly, he was the only one there. My brother got conscious thinking if the employees were judging why on earth is he buying shoes in the middle of this crisis . Well, I told him I think they were thankful there's a customer and  a sale. I've never been inside a  mall since March 15, the last day of the normal we knew. I admit I miss strolling in one, walking aimlessly sometimes just to kill time. I like malls that are busy, with many people because I feel sad whenever I see empty stores thinking their business will go under soon. Now malls are clinging on to dear life. Definitely something I didn't expect anytime soon. 

Uno

Philippines is now #1 in Southeast Asia with the most number of confirmed COVID-19 cases with nearly 120K cases. Health officials say to be careful comparing it to other countries because of population and number of tests done. Regardless of relative comparison, it is clear that the situation is NOT GOOD and VERY ALARMING. While some countries are now on the record to recovery, we are still far away from that. So frustrating. Five months and we are still in such dire state. 

A Ride

Grateful I was able to work at the office for my 'regular quarantine' schedule of Tuesday to Thursday this week. Still not sure if there will be shuttle service again next week because it really depends if the admin personnel will need to go to the office next week. I hope she does so I can go to the office again although if that won't be case, I was able to prepare all the assets for broadcast until September. Life under the stricter quarantine again is such a challenge but I hope this will be worth it, may cases stop rising.

I hope all the sacrifices made by a lot of Pinoys will not be wasted. Yes, we are known to be resilient but everything has a breaking point.  

Beirut

When I got home and tuned it to the news I was shocked to see what happened to Beirut, Lebanon today. The explosion captured on video looked so surreal! As I type this, there's no official confirmation yet what is the cause of the explosion but what is known is that several have died and are missing. This year just continues to be horrific.

Door-to-Door

First day of the return of stricter quarantine and thankfully the company had shuttle service for today. One of the admin personnel who resides in Imus needs to go the office today so other employees residing here in Cavite were able to join as well. I was fetched directly at our house and was also taken home exactly here as well. It was convenient actually and also safe since it lessened my contact with outside people. Just office and our house. The usual people in the office were actually there since a lot of them go to work via a bike or motorcycle. Anyway, I worked my ass off today because I was thinking this is my only chance to go to the office during this quarantine period so I need to edit a lot of videos and I was able to secure materials for airing until third week of September. Later on I found out that the admin personnel needs to finish some stuff tomorrow so there will be another shuttle service for tomorrow and of course I will go because I need to finish editing videos that can secure the entire programming of my channel for September, if I can October as well. You'll never know how long will this last again. But I really hope it won't be extended beyond two weeks. However, today the reported confirmed new cases is a new single day record 6,352. Oh boy. Lord help us.

Back

While a lot of us were asleep earlier, the government declared that NCR and neighboring provinces are back to stricter quarantine measures. I can no longer go back to the office again. I'm not even sure how or if office operations can actually resume. I'm devastated. I understand the plea of the medical frontliners of course but still, I can't help but feel so anxious because this is hard. Back to stressful restrictions again. Back to shutting down the majority of the economy. Back to intimidation. Back to a greater feeling of uncertainty. Back to more chaos. Back to more fear. 

I wish I can turn back time. 

Never Ending Cycle of Despair

COVID19 infections in the Philippines crossed over 100 thousand cases today with a single day high of over 5,000 new confirmed cases. Medical frontliners and health workers are calling for the return of stricter quarantine measures in Mega Manila as the health system is already overwhelmed. I totally understand their case as I know people in the industry experiencing this.

However, I also worry a lot if another major lockdown happens. Even under this GCQ, a lot of companies and business are barely hanging on. One more major lockdown will be a big blow or worst a death sentence.

What is the right balance? I don't know. I'm so anxious.