Monday, April 11, 2005

Romance isn't part of my vocabulary

There are a lot of things which I find myself weird. One is that I never felt my heart "beat". Don't get me wrong I'm not a love grinch it is just that it is the truth. Strangely I could honestly say that I never had any crushes to the people I knew personally (classmates,friends). I only had crushes on celebrities. And I realized this queer phenomena since I was a kid. When my classmates started having crushes I felt left out. So when they ask me who my crush it I will tell that she is from the province. When my family ask me I will tell someone from school but not in my grade I will tell that she is from a higher grade. I lied a lot. As I grew older I did not change, I also convice myself that maybe I really have a crush on someone I'm just in denial but after years of self examination I'm really sure I did not have any crushes ever. I really feel like a freak , there is no one I know that never had any crushes. I'm 17 I should be going gaga over a girl but no. Honestly I do want to get married someday but I don't think that I could be a good husband or even a boyfriend. I'm too insecure and selfish to be one Maybe that it is, I'm destined to be alone. My brain had stopped my heart (or hypothalamus) to love since I knew for a fact that I'm not really capable of loving in a romantic way. It saves me from heartaches. Maybe there are really people that are better off alone. Maybe that includes me.

4 comments:

girlnextdoor said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
girlnextdoor said...

it's me rmay...uhm, I didn't expect that you've been bothered by love,too...hehehe...you know what, love moves in mysterious ways (kanta ba ito?)...maybe,for now,be patient na lang muna...and wait for the right one...I tell you darating din yon...

cyberpunk said...

hey there...you know what, I seriously envy people like you...being in love is basically just a headache.. anyway, you're just 17 so don't worry too much... you'll eventually fall in love.. besides you're a guy, you can afford to be single way longer than a woman can (thru society's eyes)

Anonymous said...

hey jec, CMC here... nice. ^^
nabasa ko rin sya finally. well, basta pag nagkacrush ka na, AKO UNA MONG SABIHAN AH!!! ^^ i'll be glad to be hearing from you. ^^

tc.