There are a lot of things which I find myself weird. One is that I never felt my heart "beat". Don't get me wrong I'm not a love grinch it is just that it is the truth. Strangely I could honestly say that I never had any crushes to the people I knew personally (classmates,friends). I only had crushes on celebrities. And I realized this queer phenomena since I was a kid. When my classmates started having crushes I felt left out. So when they ask me who my crush it I will tell that she is from the province. When my family ask me I will tell someone from school but not in my grade I will tell that she is from a higher grade. I lied a lot. As I grew older I did not change, I also convice myself that maybe I really have a crush on someone I'm just in denial but after years of self examination I'm really sure I did not have any crushes ever. I really feel like a freak , there is no one I know that never had any crushes. I'm 17 I should be going gaga over a girl but no. Honestly I do want to get married someday but I don't think that I could be a good husband or even a boyfriend. I'm too insecure and selfish to be one Maybe that it is, I'm destined to be alone. My brain had stopped my heart (or hypothalamus) to love since I knew for a fact that I'm not really capable of loving in a romantic way. It saves me from heartaches. Maybe there are really people that are better off alone. Maybe that includes me.