Passage

The Recording Academy / GRAMMYs uploaded on their site Fast Car live performance of Tracy Chapman and Luke Combs. I can't get over how good this performance is. When I heard Luke Combs' cover I was pretty meh about it and I was annoyed when it peaked higher (#2) on the Billboard Hot 100 than Tracy's original (#6). But this performance gave me a new perspective on the cover. Seeing him performing it live I appreciated his vocals and especially the sincerity in paying tribute to Tracy. His cover being a hit reminded people of how great Tracy Chapman is as well as reaching a new generation as well. This song is almost as old as me and it was one of the songs that I heard over the years on radio. But hearing Tracy Chapman perform it live at this age just hits differently. The passage of time just makes it more special. There was another Grammys performance that embodied this kind of sentiment as well - Joni Mitchell singing Both Sides Now at age 80! Music is a very powerful time capsule.

Food for the Brain

 I went to a bookstore earlier just to check around and found a copy of journalist Patricia Evangelista's book. Immediately bought it. I read the first few parts on the bus home. A heavy but engrossing read. It's about her coverage of the drug war in the country. I've been feeling hopeless a lot lately so you know reading this book isn't the best thing but I will always have journalism in my heart and about a journalist's journey is something I will not resist.

Thrill

 I almost gave in. Good thing I really did learn from what happened last year. Never again. But moments like this happen from time to time, I just need to have presence of time so I won't commit that mistake again. It's hard but doable

Orange Juice

Today I witnessed a good gesture. Letting go was the easier choice but they didn't do it. Highly appreciated. I had some qualms before but glad to know that I made the right choice.

Fast Car

 Because of the Grammys performance tonight, it reminded me of how BEAUTIFUL and TIMELESS this song is. The song is almost as old as I am and now I'm at this age and experience some lifechanging, this just takes a new meaning

Lights Off

On a seemingly okay day then something happens that should have not happened if only they don't seek drama where there is none. But well, I try to understand that maybe it's just a result of pressure of being needed all the time so meltdowns happen but it's pretty exhausting. I do act as if nothing stressful is happening because the last thing needed is to add more drama. Pretend is the key.

Not Quite

 Close to finish but not there yet. I still missed my target because I just can't focus at certain times and now some unnecessary drama blocked my way again. Oh well, it's so tiring. But I need to march on and deal with stuff head-on like I always do. There's no other choice unless I want to fully wreck everything, I'll never do that. I'm tired but not a fool

17 minutes

 Another challenging weekend ahead, I made some strides today but still not enough to reach the goal I wanted. Hopefully, I won't fail tomorrow. 

Another Farewell

 When I was younger, one of my so-called peculiarities was that I played armchair program scheduler where I made schedules for TV or radio stations, real and imagined! So the fact that I was able to do actual programming planning for a real cable channel was something I really enjoyed. We are a niche cable channel but we have dedicated viewers, especially the senior citizens who watch our channel in the wee hours of the morning because they either woke up early or they can't sleep yet. If there is one thing that's making me sad about the channel's impending end is thinking of those viewers especially those who would regularly message or post on our Facebook page over the years. They were the viewers who would bombard their cable operators when our channel had no signal. Alas, the changing landscape of cable television eventually caught my beloved TeleNovela Channel as well. Job-wise, I'm fine because for the past few years, I have been on double duty doing other projects and in charge of other responsibilities for the company. However, being the channel coordinator was my main job and for the better part of my working life - it was my world. I'm gonna miss this channel so much but definitely grateful for the experience.

126

 More things to worry about I guess. Oh my. It just never ends but after learning about what happened to a friend just today, it kept me in check to not ignore the fact that my worst fear is not here. I'm grateful to that of course but it just worrying

Size 8

 I don't have much but at least I can give something that is appreciated. I wish I could give more but this is the best I could do given everything I'm dealing with. Oh dear Lord, please hear our prayers, I always get nervous each time it happens but I'm trying my best not to be engulfed by fear again. 

One Month

 It's hard to let go of something that has been quite in my life for the last decade or so. But I knew someday it would happen and I thought I prepared myself for this already but now that it is a reality, it really sucks. But you gotta march on and hopefully opportunities will still come in. 

Headspace

 Here I go but only slightly better but I need to do better as this will be my sole focus now in just a few weeks. I need to balance everything and be more focused. Before everything gets too messed up

Questions

 Seeing some concerns and yet we can't address it yet is breaking my heart. We are just very small community but I still cherish every single one who valued us. I hate seeing this happen.

Era

 So many things happening and I'm really sad and devastated. I'm trying to keep it in and trying to remain positive. I deeply regret the times I felt that this was a nuisance that was stopping me from focusing on this other thing. Everything is so vulnerable now so I am nervous but I need to continue marching on.

FIN

 So the confirmation I've been waiting for happened today. I am very sad but I can't deny that I saw it coming. I was hoping against all odds but just so many factors that practically happened at the same time that led to this result. It's just hard to keep it going so  I have no choice but to accept and make the most of what it's left. At least there's some good news though because one thing I feared didn't come to fruition and hopefully it stays that way for stability. 

Holding

 I'm still in a daze. Still worried of what's to come but also preparing myself for the worst. But I'm trying to stay positive that good thing will come our way soon. I badly need it. Not just me but all of us.

Hanging

 Another day where I am left bothered by an impending doom. I'm still hoping it still could be saved because this has been a big part of my life and losing it for good will suck so much. And of course, it is a security blanket.

Spell

 I really need to pick myself and be optimistic that this won't be the end of it all. I hope they find a way to make it work and give another least in life. It's been hanging over my head for the 2 months and the lack of resolution is really making me so anxious. 

Clean up

 I really got lazy today and I might be messy tomorrow, oh no! But let's see maybe I can do a quick fix up! But I'm getting tired of fixing things to be honest.