Crucial

 Everything is so crucial right now.  Not gonna lie but I'm trying to be just silent because I don't want added stress in my life right now with what I'm dealing personally but damn it's hard to ignore what's about to happen. I'm very scared right now because the past few years a lot of things that could go wrong did go wrong. So I'm avoiding thinking deeply about it because I'm just very scared. Oh Lord please guide us. 

Oscars 94!

 Oscar nods today! Whole I don't watch even half of the potential nominees, I do like tracking the awards race and my favorite categories are Animated Feature, Original Song and Visual Effects! Among the Best Picture nominees, my favorite is CODA but I will see West Side Story when it opens in theaters here next week! I admit even though I haven't seen it, I was rooting for it just because of the reviews and I love Spielberg! ! Also happy for Encanto nods and Raya and the Last Dragon not missing! Netflix though might finally win the big prize with Power of the Dog leading the nominations! The pandemic made people warm up to major streaming film releases  but still a theatrical experience is still different

Officially Annoyed

 Tomorrow is the official campaign season for the upcoming elections. I'm seriously dreading it. I'm already annoyed with the ads currently airing so what more now that it will be official already. I'm really nervous about this upcoming national elections. Very scared. Hoping and praying for good results this May. 

Seventeen!

 Because of my anxieties I forgot to do an anniversary blog post on the exact date I made it! Anyway, this blog was born on February 4, 2005! Seventeen years late it's still here! This was my very first post

So full of insecurities and 17 years later nothing has changed I guess hahahahaha

SSSS

I had a work at home task which I basically did all day but to be honest I could have finished it earlier if there weren't so many distractions in life. It's a real test for me and I got so frustrated but I needed to be at my best. It's been such a struggle how to balance it all, the hardest part is fighting my anxieties off. Stressed and scared what a soul sucking combo. 

Oh No...

 So just moments ago I felt like there's a sign of one of the things that I dread is happening. I've been trying to not think about it but I know it was inevitable. I'm very scared but I don't know what to do but just face inevitable how unfair life is. I hate it so much. 

Rush

 So Facebook Memories reminded me that this happened 10 years ago! How time flies. My memory is still fresh of waking up early on Saturday to go to Robinsons Galleria and I was there even before the mall opened! Since it was my first time to attend a fan event, I don't know what to do and was also shy that I didn't line up first despite me being early but I still I was early enough to get a good seat as opposed to standing up. I will always find it touching when Chico and Delamar recognized my codename forg as a frequent texter of their show! It's sad their tandem is done but I still listen to them separately on their shows via Spotify podcasts and will always love them

Release

 I acted on impulse earlier today and did something for my enjoyment. I did something against better judgment. It's not really a big deal in the general sense but for me, it kinda is because it's a symbol of doing something because I just want to. It was quite exciting and perhaps rejuvenating to do something not planned but out of the blue because I felt like it. But then again, I didn't go all out with what I was planning and still proceeded to take the direction I needed to be. My rational side still kicked in and good thing I still do because there were some essential stuff that I needed to handle that if proceeded to go all-in today it would just hassle me later on. Still, I'm glad I did what I did today. Maybe I can do that again next time without the guilt of sacrificing something else just to proceed with what I want. 

Boss

 It's a working from home holiday! Normally I would go to the office for non-Holy Week/Christmas holidays but of course  those were the days before the world changed forever! But to be honest I procrastinated and just finished my tasks a few minutes ago. Spent the day running family errands but when I had free time in the afternoon I streamed a movie on Upstream where I have a voucher to one watch movie for free. And the movie I chose to watch? Boss Baby 2! I was just in the mood for something light as always. It was a cute movie with nice message about family. It's nothing really new but was good enough to have a break from life's anxieties. 

Next

 Today is the end of this very long month. What a start 2022! So much stressful moments up until yesterday! Today is calmer thank God. But of course there are worries that continue to haunt me. However I decide to take things on a per day basis. Today was okay and I'm thankful. Hopefully, more of this if not better days. As usual I am managing my expectations but will continue to stay hopeful. Oh Dear Lord please listen to my prayer. 

Bothered

 A stressful night again due to family matters. So many fragile factors I have to consider. It's testing me so much and honestly not handling it the best way I need to be. I feel so annoyed and terrified too. But I can't be weak right now, I need to be stern or else everything else falls. That's why I can never feel at ease. I can never be comfortable because something dreadful will happen eventually. I hate to be drowning in misery most of the time I escape sometimes but still within the vicinity where I can jump back in when needed. I don't want to give up of course but it's just so hard. 

Making Sure

 So paid my new internet/cable provider today at their office in the town proper, it's quite far and they have no online means to pay yet although there's an option to have their messenger pick up the payment here at our house but I kinda have trust issues and since this is the first payment too so I want to make sure everything is secure! Anyway, their office is small and simple but honestly I like that this company is just small and just focuses on our town as their prime customer. Service will be more accessible and focused! I do hope they get a lot of customers especially since the service is great.

Crossing My Fingers for the Nth Time

Cases are below 20K for three straight days now and I do really hope it's the start of the downward trend. I've already accepted we won't get rid of covid but I really we can enter it in the endemic territory soon enough. But the damage has been done though, things will never be the same but I hope I could see and feel what like was before. Oh God please no more deadly new variant/

Frugal

 Just finished some work from home tasks! I really worked hard this week and my goal to have all things pending and checked off my to-do list is successful and I did it earlier than needed! This secondhand laptop I bought has been very useful, sure the specs aren't top notch but it has the basic MS applications I need and works fine. Good thing this small investment I made paid off. Maybe someday I can buy a brand new laptop but for now I feel relieved that I did made a good choice because I admit I was afraid that I made a bad one because I prioritized saving money. 

I Can Get Satisfaction

 So our new cable/fiber internet had no connection early this morning so I immediately contacted them but they responded two hours later at the start of the office hours and informed me that our whole barangay was affected by a mainline issue and they are already working on a fix already. Good thing I was working from home today so I was able to load up our prepaid Wi-Fi so my nephew can use it for online school. I was a little worried because our experience with Spectrum had been great so far but you know what they were able  to fix the problem soon enough and informed me on both messenger and text message! Now that's what you call good service and I immediately posted on their FB on how satisfied I was on how they handled the problem. A high school classmate messaged me because they saw my post and asked if the service is indeed good because she was planning to change provider and I recommended it highly! I've been burned by customer service of bigger companies for years now so it was such a relief to get good service. Local business like this with focused on specific areas has its advantages. I received my first bill today and will gladly pay it on Saturday. I hope the good service will continue and not just from the beginning! I deserve it!

Lead

 So today I learned the newly elected president of Chile is just a year older than me! It's quite unsettling to know a person my age can be a president now. Me at 34 can't fully grasp adulthood and someone near my age about to handle a whole country? But I am curious how he will fare and I hope he does good, maybe my generation can be good national leaders. Hopefully.

Clogged

 It's really hard to get out of this mental prison I placed myself in. Whenever there is a lull moment, I can't help but think of negative stuff. Sometimes even if I am in the middle of doing something that feeling of dread pops in. I'm so scared of what awaits. I'm terrified if my fears will happen. I' m doubting my instinct, if I made the right choice or I just preferred what's easy for now. Lord, please don't let this fear manifest in real life. Please....

Step Away

 Political discourse is heated right now as election is just a few months away. I already know who I am voting for and praying my choice wins. But I choose not to join the chaos right now, it's too stressful and I already have a lot of personal matters to deal with to let this add up to my growing anxieties in life. I'm scared of what could happen so I'm avoiding thinking about it for now. If I dig deep into my feelings about this, I go to dark places. It's not healthy. 

USB

I spent a good amount of time looking for a flash drive which I distinctly remember taking out of my bag but when I was about to insert it on my laptop I can't find it! Until now I just can't find it. I don't know what's happening to me that I'm so absent-minded that I lost a simple thing like that. I can't help but wonder if this is a sign of a bigger problem? Oh my mind goes that direction again!  I hope I can find the flash drive tomorrow.

Overcast

 January is about to end it feels like this month has lasted for so long and this year has so much challenges left. I'm very scared of the future. I think about what could go wrong every single day. I wish I could stop this but there is always something out there that would remind me. I can't avoid it completely. I'm beginning to think that I will never have peace of mind and I will live in constant fear. I hope I'm wrong/ I really hope so. I'm clinging to hope as long as I can.