My mind is filled up with so many thoughts that bother me not just at night but all day long...
My family's health and well-being.
My company's situation.
My country's future.
My path's direction.
My life in general the past two years had been governed by endless fears, I wish I could easily just everything off but I have nothing else to do but just endure all of it and try my best not to get drowned.
I knew this no vaccine, no ride will cause chaos because they just don't think of practical application of it, how it will be done on the ground. Sure intention to promote vaccination is good but not at the expense of making the life of the ordinary commuting worker a living hell. But what else is new right? This has been going for a long time, directives that are not carefully planned and so many loopholes. I'm so sick of this but there's nothing I can do but just be exasperated.
The manager has asked my help if I know someone who is looking for a job and recommend to apply for us. I actually don't know anyone right now but I still helped by posting job opening our channel's Facebook page. I hope it helps us! I can feel how stressed she was earlier! The timing just not on our side really but we will survive this, I know we can.
There are multiple new projects coming in at the office which is good news but manpower is a challenge right now. With the people in quarantine plus those who recently resigned (add to the fact that there was retrenchment in November), we are definitely going to face a lot of challenges handling these projects plus there are potential projects that will add too. I'm preparing myself because I might have additional tasks on top of the things I already do right now. I was not asked yet but given the situation, I need to be prepared if they will ask for my help. Getting new projects is such great news but I wish it happened late last year and who knows maybe the retrenchment could have been stopped. How tricky the situations are right now! Good Lord please us survive this.
I've been feeling a lot of dread lately so I needed an escape and what's the best that I can do that is to watch stuff! The past 2 nights I've checked out MY LIST on Netflix. I returned to Netflix last month because my nephew wants to watch some anime programs he is into right now. Now, I realized why not watch some of the stuff I put on MY LIST and there I watched the films Tick...Tick..Boom, Shawshank Redemption and documentary Shrinkers. I watched Tick..Tick...Boom! without knowing much of the background of the real life story behind it so I was so captivated with what I saw. So moving and engaging. Heartbreaking too! I've been meaning to watch Shawshank Redemption for a long time because it is famous and has been considered a must-see and I was not disappointed. That was a riveting tale of finding hope in the worst case possible and the "twist" also blew my mind. It is indeed classic adult filmmaking that truly resonates. Lastly, the Singaporean documentary Shrinkers has a nice hook of a "lost film" that came back to the life of the documentarian so many years later. It was so engrossing how it all happened and also to see the footages they did in 1992 was such a time capsule.
So yeah I had a good weekend I guess!
Cases are closing in to 40K. Well, officially that is because many are not getting tested because it's not practical because of the expensive PCR tests. Also, there are people who just take the antigen test at home. It's all messy. We are all now assuming this virus is everywhere at this point. I don't know what to think or feel anymore. Still hoping and praying for better days ahead.
37K cases today and despite the all time high number the health department is encouraging less PCR testing and quarantine days now for those who got infected and close contact. I get it for practical purposes especially for those vaccinated but it seems careless, speaks a lot of the " bahala na" mentality. It also feels like an admittance we don't have the capability anymore. I was at the pharmacy and all paracetamol and over the counter products for colds and fever are sold out. Even strepsils for sore throat. Two years of this pandemic and yet it is giving me new ways to scare us. Oh Lord please let this be final wave, please
Cases reached an all time high again and the virus is just literally everywhere. The streets are essentially empty. Saw many stores in Ayala that are "temporarily closed". In this pandemic I have seen a lot of these temporary closures that ultimately led to full time closures one of which is the FamilyDoc clinic here in our place. Imagine a clinic closing in this era. There are fewer people going to work onsite these days as seen in the number of commuters now. Even in our office we are so few. I've been in the office for the past 3 days and I will go work from home tomorrow. I contemplated going to the office again to finish some task in advance but I decided against it in the end because I can do it next week anyway and I need some time off commuting because it is scary to be exposed out in the streets. Paracetamols and other medicines going scare is quite disturbing too., Hoping and praying hard this is the last big wave. Please let it be.
Loving our new cable / internet provider! I joined their Facebook promo and won an HBO Go voucher! I really wanted to watch the sequel to one of my all time favorite - On The Job and it's streaming there so I will now finally be able to see it! Also planning to watch shows I've been meaning to watch but haven't yet like I May Destroy You and Enlightened! Some movies like Dune and Godzilla vs Kong which are available there too! I will really make sure my one month free access with this platform!
Commuting to work is a different experience lately. Traffic is light because there are just few people around. This is happening definitely because of the rise in cases. Even at the office we are even fewer than usual in the pandemic era. The shuttle van I'm riding also has fewer passengers. It's a mix of feeling of relaxing but uneasiness too. I like the calmness it exudes but still I can't deny the reason behind all of this. With the fast transmission it is scary to be out there but my work needs to be done at the office especially with my video editor in a quarantine facility right now,. A lot of things to be done and grateful that I am busy because when I'm not, negative thoughts simply rule over me. I can't live my life like that.
I always get broken things. Things that have issues. Things that don't work smoothly. I always have to deal with imperfection. I settle for less. I settle for mediocrity. Most of it is my fault because I just accept it. Tolerate. I work with what I have. But I deserve better. I should ask for more. I should ask for better. But aiming for better always have complications. Add to the fact that I'm trapped with so many limitations. I'm tired of this endless cycle of my life. Nothing really works out.
Highest cases ever and I fear this is just this is just start of more record cases. Vaccine cards being an entry pass is now getting more common. I'm worried but managing to be as relaxed as possible. Life has to go on, we can't afford to do lockdowns anymore . I'm currently watching the latest season of The Amazing Race and this was the season that was affected by the pandemic so it's so eerie to watch this episode knowing it was just weeks away when the world changed forever. But also love to see life again when it was really normal.
My life is always about a test of patience and how to control the situation from escalating to unnecessary drama and source of stress. It's so unbelievably hard because there are just so many intersecting factors I have to address. Most of the time I sacrifice my own happiness. I know I'm doing the right thing but whenever I faced troubling times I can't help but wonder if I followed the path I really wanted to take where would my life will be right now? I think this will forever haunt me. It's just the stress talking right now because ultimately I would have regretted it big time if I chose not to prioritize this matter in my life. It would have been more painful if I didn't make this choice. But I wish this line of thought will not cross my mind again. It's a real internal torture.
Spent nearly 5 hours waiting to get my nephew's second dose of vaccine. First dose last December was just an hour. There were so MANY people today. I was pissed off how disorganized they were, the minors should have separate schedule or they should have allow the adults first dose and booster on the same schedule or same site. They could be short staffed I know but still they should have had better planning. Many people rushing to get vaccinated because of the restrictions now for the unvaccinated. I have mixed feelings about that, I get the idea of encouraging people to get vaccinated already but I feel like the implementation of this would be messy and could be abused for power trippers.
First week of 2022 and so chaotic already.
Cases are rapidly rising and as someone who still goes to the office, it is quite scary but I gotta march on. Paracetamol are now gone in pharmacies, it's quite unsettling. While for sure there are hoarders out there but there is legit demand for it. What a way to start the year. How many have I said that I hope this ends soon but it's now 2 years and we still can't escape this virus. How long are we gonna wait?
So last week cases were down to less than 300 and in just a few days we are now at 10K. Cases are surging all over the world to alarming numbers. Omnicon effect. I know quite a few personally now who have teste positive. The office earlier was so bare with people. In a way that feels safer with less people around but also nerve wracking to think what's happening. Trying to remain as calm as possible too, devoted a lot of time focusing on work. It's somewhat encouraging that according to reports most cases are mild. I'm quite hoping this is it for Covid. The last alarming variant. And after this we could now live a life as close to what it once was, I don't expect to covid to fully disappear but just less deadly. Please let this be Lord.
So I bought this used HP laptop for a cheap price yesterday and currently using it to type this post. My current laptop works fine but has monitor issues which I haven't replaced yet but now that I have another laptop I can use for work purposes then I will finally have it fixed as soon as I have the extra money to do so. This laptop has issue like battery is dead so it needs to be plugged in always which is not new thing for me because my current laptop has the same issue and honestly I've been using laptops like a desktop and just at home. The only time I brought a laptop out in the open is when I used it for my thesis defense! This laptop also has limited storage/memory which is fine because I will just mainly use this laptop for work so word and excel are all I need. On that secondhand store where I bought this, there was also a secondhand Mac available that I was tempted to buy but it went above my budget and I've never really used a mac outside the video editing one I used at work so I got more practical picked this one because it was the cheapest. Anyway, I hope this laptop will last me a long time. In fairness to me I've had 3 laptops in my lifetime and all were used for than 5 years at least.
Covid cases are rising again that it's hitting close to me. My video editor is isolating right now after her sibling tested positive although his test result was negative. Looking like restrictions are here again and the annoying comeback of the mandatory face shield use is imminent. I'm worried but I need to stay calm. It doesn't help that lingering thought of my family's safety especially Nanay's health is affecting me that much. I'm reading up that at least hospitalizations are not as high and just many mild cases and South Africa where this was officially discovered is seeing a fast trend of lowering cases. Hopefully, it won't be deadly. Come on let this end already.
Good thing my family decide not to go out on New Year's Day. I actually had a good 4-hour afternoon nap which is quite refreshing! Back to work on Monday and looking forward to it because I have a lot of things to do and I'm thankful because I need to stay busy to keep my mind from thinking of negative things. I will attemp to have a New Year's resolution by trying to control my pessimism and alarmist attitude. I won't say I will be completely off it but I will try to remain as calm as possible when facing life's pressures. I owe myself that/
So I blogged every single day in 2021 365 days. First time ever in 16 years of my blog's existence. Yes, I combined my yearend TV and Movies retrospective in one post so I would have exactly one post per day hahah! Anyway, I know majority of my posts since I started posting daily are not polished! With mostly random vague thoughts filled with rants, fears and anxieties. Basically my shock absorber but it has really help grapple with complicated feelings the past 2 years or so. I'm fearful of what could happen this 2022. Where I will be 365 days from now? Hopefully, the worst case scenarios will just stay in my mind and will not manifest. It's really rough but I will carry on and face everything life throws at me the best way I can/
