Deflated

 * Today I thought one thing I've been waiting for will finally happen but nope it still ain't happening /

* While not as awful as last week, I still feel some tooth ache from time to time

* One thing that I thought was over came back again awhile to give me some stress.

* I had a chat with my carpool mate earlier, a nice elderly man who continues to work just because he still can and wants to be useful. Of course because of my age, he asked if I had my own family and I said no because I'm devoted to looking after my parents which made me think again of how I wish I could so much more for my parents financially speaking. I feel inadequate.

*I feel so hopeless if things can ever go back to what it used to be.

Plot Twist Please

 I'm so tired of everything that is happening in this country. I'm tired of so much arrogance, so much shady decisions, so much trolling, so much obnoxiousness. I'm tired of those who continue to believe that this person is doing the right thing, that we are being led to the right direction. There's so much blatant disregard of what is proper and sensible right now. I cringe when people find the statements made as funny. Nothing is hilarious anymore. We are "entertained" way too much. I'm so upset to live in this moment where I feel like we can't get a win. Everything feels hopeless. Everything that could go wrong is happening. I'm so frustrated. I'm so afraid of what the future beholds. 

It Continues

 Last week I saw two small private schools here that have FOR LEASE signs on their now former buildings. It was such a sad sight to see. I never expected that I will see so many schools closing.  I thought I've adjusted with this life we have right now but I can't shake off this feeling of uneasiness whenever I'm reminded of how much lives have changed.

And then you see the grave mishandling of the potential solution to end this ordeal. I'm so frustrated!

2M

 Over 2 million people have died because of COVID19 and this pandemic has no signs of slowing down anytime soon. The effect of this pandemic still lingers.  The vaccination program in the country is one big mess. Frustrating. It makes my blood boil. Are we really this hopeless? I don't know if I can be enthusiastic about the future. I can't feel any source of inspiration right now. 

Bleak

 I'm in a foul mood today. There are just instances in my life where I feel it's so unfair but I have no control over it. And honestly root source is money. I absolutely hate it. Again, I know people have it worst but it does not invalidate my current struggles right now. So many frustrations but I'm trapped, so few options left. So many what ifs. 

Then you see the news, it's just so frustrating how the attitude of the people are. Harap harapan na tayong ginago pero where's the outrage? Ok na lang talaga na ganito na lang? Exhausting and tiring, I want to escape from it all

Sagip Pelikula Film Festival

 I'm still on a high from last night's remastered Radio Romance digital premiere which by the way you can watch here: https://www.ktx.ph/category/radio-romance

There are other restored films that's screening over KTX too for the Sagip Pelikula Film Festival and I plan to watch more! This is the type of endeavor I really want to support because these films are classics and the opportunity to watch them in full glory is a treat! I hope more people will check it out because these films deserve to been by a new generation!

Photographs of the Past

 So I watched the digital premiere of the remastered 1996 movie Radio Romance via the platform KTX. I've seen this before when I was a kid but to be honestly I don't remember that much anymore and I was in the mood for a nostalgia trip to a much simpler time. Before the movie, there was a talk from the writer-director Jose Javier Reyes and it was  a delight to listen and I especially like the end where he discussed why restoring old movies is so important because they are the photographs of the past, it's a peak where we have started and how tradition is important to have direction in the future. Such wise words. Anyway, the movie was a treat, it's like Love Actually of course this one came first! So many stories of love and generally light to watch. I definitely enjoyed seeing the sign of those times. I giggled when Rico Yan's character boasted to Claudine's character that his PC has 1 gig memory! It was also fascinating to be reminded how back then cellphones weren't mainstream and when people meet up, it really is just word of honor! And course when parents worry when their kids got home late, they have no means to contact where they are aside from calling the landlines of their kid's friend's houses! And course the radio booth set up and the displays of the different kinds of radios and components at that time. So nostalgic!

You can watch the restored Radio Romance this week on KTX

https://www.ktx.ph/category/radio-romance

Throbbing

So yeah my toothache is still here and it's quite a hassle! Anyway, thank you Ponstan for making it bearable at least. To be honest, I don't go the dentist regularly, no one in our house does. I never had "official" tooth extraction and just let it fall off naturally. I did had tooth filling once and several cleanings. I know it's not late to do better with my dental health though so yeah I better make sure to get this done immediately. Going to the dentist is a little complicated with COVID around though

Ache

 I have a toothache tonight, first time in awhile. I already took  pain reliever but there are still few pinches of pain every now and then. I really hate this feeling because it's so inconvenient and quite bothersome. Hopefully, tomorrow I will feel better because I have many things to do at work!

Ignited

A few minutes ago I saw a window to a chance to fulfill a dream. But of course I just peeked and fantasized of what could have been. I think that little fire in me will always keep burning. I wish I was in the position to take a risk and finally take that chance. Heck, before I saw that I was dealing with something that's keeping me from going anywhere near that window. And  I will be honest, all I have  is just the desire but I have no skills and confidence to make it happen. It does feel good to dream again like I was a young person beaming with potential. It's too late now. 

Snippets 10

 My nephew finally had his haircut today, first time since March! My sister was just trimming his hair for the past few month but it was just too long and looks untidy. He looks very pleasant and actually younger like he's 10 again!

***

 My sister also had a check up because of a hip pain she's experiencing since last week when she lifted something in their room the wrong way. Her husband got worried because he is just like us we worry about these things and immediately thinks of the bad case scenario. Thankfully, it wasn't the case and she just needs some medication and also avoid lifting things because she just had muscle strain. 

***

I initially thought of doing some advanced work task today but got lazy because it's a Sunday, I deserve a break. But it made me think maybe that's why I'm stagnant because I don't push myself beyond what's needed? Maybe I need to exert more effort. 

"Heartbreak"

 I realized this week that I'm not over a "heartbreak". It's in quotations because it's not the heartbreak normal people have. It's a different kind of heartbreak over something I've always cared about but never thought I was this passionate until it was gone. Hopefully just temporary. This matter had an abrupt end and under questionable circumstances. Months have passed and yet I still feel sad with what happened. I feel incomplete. I try to move on but I just can't because what happened is unfair and there was a lot of nastiness involved. I truly hope one day it will get the vindication it deserves. 

More

I was busy all day juggling work task and family errands. I like being productive though because my mind is preoccupied and I don't dwell on unpleasant thoughts. This week I had a lot of those and it didn't help I had a horrible dream earlier. Maybe it was the manifestation of my worries. Tonight, I had a lull time and those thoughts haunted me again. I can't seem to relax. I feel so frustrated to a lot of things but I need to be a tougher person because I'm really finding myself  to be the center of a lot of pressure more and more each day. 

Seven days

 Yeah the streak of mind-blowing terrible things happening continues to the new year. So much bad news already in the first seven days of 2021. In the news dominating social media is the mysterious death of a flight attendant and annoyingly it had been used by politicians, police and resulted to slut shaming, outing gay people and a lot of homophobic and sexist remarks. It's such a sloppy investigation. So frustrating

And today there was chaos in America when supporters of the outgoing president attacked the Capitol in protest. Crazy day. Never though I would witness such horrible things in my lifetime. 

Setback

 My brother told us that he got laid off today and next week is his last week of employment. What a downer to open 2021 but a lot of companies are struggling these days. He has savings and still single so no immediate financial concern but still it sucks. He's planning to be a rider for logistics apps as he feels like he does not want to be tied up to a company anymore and there could be more financial success in this industry. He's not as techie savvy though so it could be a struggle for awhile but at least he has a plan and determined to rise from this one. 

Busy!

So I really had very busy day today at work. It felt like normal times you know which I'm glad. Anyway, My plate was full today and did multiple things at once that I accidently posted an instruction to my work from home video editor to a group chat of the dubbing project where I am the Quality Checker and there I was about to remind my editor why he hasn't sent the revisions yet haha! Apart from that I did my usual program grid tasks and coordinating the transfer of project files from a client to our uplink facility, I had to keep track of the numerous revised videos the client sent and made revisions to the grids accordingly! And apart from that I was also busy doing stuff because the channel  I supervise is now airing on Cignal Satelitte TV and there were marketing collaterals they were requesting. Good thing our graphic designer is not loaded with other taks so i was able to ask for help / Myvideo editor was quite efficient as well, it was such a new normal thing when I was checking the videos before he rendered it online! Apart from that, I also had to drop off some documents at my father's old office and I had to walk 20 minutes from my office and then another 20 minutes from my father's former workplace to the shuttle's terminal. I do like walking even if getting sweaty annoyed me! Still, I would rather walk than pay over 100 pesos for taxi! Money ain't easy these days!

Anyway, TeleNovela Channel Philippines is now available on CIGNAL Postpaid Plan 290 & up and Prepaid Load 200 & up. Watch us at Channel 126! This channel is turning 10 this year and I've been handling this project for nearly 8 years too! This is a small niche channel and I never thought it would last this long and I'm proud.  I really worked hard to keep this channel afloat despite very limited resources.  

 

Fingers Crossed!

My first working day for 2021! I normally work from home on Mondays but I made an exception today because I want to start the year right! So there's some good news on my work tasks as things have progressed for the project's sustainability hence my employment is secured and that's always good to hear. 

The big boss is already here as well and hopefully, there's some good news that awaits us.  I'm trying to manage my expectations by being cautiously hopeful. 

Grey

 Tonight was PBB Connect's second eviction night and the one that was voted out was a guy who got outed as someone who tweeted that he was in favor of ABS-CBN shutdown. He admitted it voluntarily in the house and for me he did look genuinely remorseful of what he did. He's also 19, probably too young to fully understand the issue. When he got evicted, I did feel sad because he knew it was coming because of his tweet and I felt the sincerity when he apologized. However, it's good that he got evicted. Host Robi said it perfectly that you can forgive but not forget and if he was saved it would be like an insult too the people working or got retrenched as well. But his case just made me think about the people I know in real life who were also like him who was in favor of the shutdown. Aside from that problematic political devotion, they are generally good people so it's really hard to permanently delete them from your life. I also think maybe they just don't really understand the deeper implications of the situation too. In a time like this of  aggressive and antagonistic political stance, a calm and sensible discourse is overshadowed by the louder voices. It's so frustrating and alarming and how I wish I am eloquent enough to convince people to examine their views. 

Streak Ends

 For the first time since 1997 I didn't listen to the radio year end charts on New Year's Eve. I've talked about ending this tradition I've had since I was 10 years old before but it was a hard habit to break but this time I just didn't have the enthusiasm anymore, I didn't get excited like I used to. I did try to listen to one but I didn't last because it's just not connecting to me anymore. I still did check out the results posted on social media and PEx eventually but I didn't have the interest to listen live on radio and anticipate as each song is revealed one by one. Maybe it's just me growing out of this hobby or maybe a part of how last year zapped the energy out of me. I thought I will be sad that I ended a long tradition but I didn't. It just felt like a natural end.

Day 1

 A very cold day on the first year of 2021. I had multiple naps in between meals today! I consumed a lot of  food today which was not good I know. I love the weather though because it is relaxing this is the weather I wanted to feel last month! Anyway, this cool weather stays for awhile. I'm cautiously hopeful for this year. I acknowledged the challenges are far from over and there are still a lot of things that is frustrating me a lot but I need to keep hope alive.