Versus

 I saw that Fully Booked will be holding online writing workshops. The setup is actually something that is suitable for my preference. I'm highly interested because I want to seek knowledge because I feel like I'm in a rut right now, jus going through the motions and just dreaming but with no action. It is not for free though which actually works form me because if I shell out money, I'll be more committed to it. But well sadly I can't easily spend 2,500 pesos (the early bird discount) because of life's responsibilities and limited financial capacity I have.  But my heart really wants to try this out and  maybe it can help ignite a fire in me that I know is still there. Sadly, my practical side is really giving me a pause. I should be looking for additional source of income instead of spending with not essential stuff especially in this time. On the other hand, maybe I should see it as an investment to myself? Maybe I should dare take a risk like this one.How I wish I was  rich  so this stuff won't bother anymore. 

Abhor

 This pandemic is scarier than ever especially now more than ever with a lot of people knowing someone who already passed because of this disease. Then the politics, those people in power have no shame anymore. No sense of humility. not even that apologetic or reassuring. Some people in power peddling a so-called medicine that says that cures COVID and not even backed by science. Regulatory board bending their rules to accommodate it half heartedly. Vaccine rollout quite a mess with people just now accepting this vaccine with questionable reason why it's here because there's no other choice. Kung ano na nandyan tanggapin na lang. I hate it so much. Especially because its comes from a place that is power tripping right now. Of course it was tolerated and coddled before so we are not even surprised anymore. I don't know how can ever we rise from this. 

Relief

 Thanks to company service today I was able to go back to the office! I really needed it because there's still a lot of pending stuff that I can only do at the office. And also good for my mental health to be honest. The past few days I have this recurring body pains from various body parts but today NOTHING. I was so busy today catching up with work load that I didn't think much of the CHAOS happening in this country. 

Flashback

 Back in 2005, I was one of the chosen staff by my college student publication Heraldo Filipino to attend UST's Inkblots National Journalism Fellowship. It was my first ever seminar related to journalism and I was really excited! During that 3-day symposium, I attended lectures by seasoned journalists from print to broadcast like Shiela Coronel, Marites Vitug, Glenda Gloria, Jiggy Manicad, Charie Villa, Ruel De Vera, Nestor Cuartero, Quinito Henson and Christian Esguerra. My favorite lecture was from Christian Esguerra because he is eloquent and insightful (He was a PDI reporter back then and now he is hosting an ANC show and has a podcast too where his sharp interviewing skills are on display). The sessions of Quinito Henson and Nestor Cuartero were also memorable because we had mock press conferences featuring Purefoods basketball team and Champ from the band Hale. My most unforgettable session though was Editorial Cartooning  with Philippine Star's Rene Aranda. We weren't supposed to attend it because we are not visual artists but all the writing related sessions that day were not available anymore. However, we didn't regret attending because Mr. Aranda is such an engaging speaker. After his discussion, he asked the delegates to make an editorial cartoon about Calibrated Pre-emptive Response and I was so shocked when he picked my work as third best (My fellow news writer Em Sipin  placed second too!). I have NO drawing skills at all so I just worked around with what I can draw and hopefully not embarrass myself! Anyway, I was just rummaging through my stuff earlier and found this still in good condition. I really should frame this because it is a reminder of my 18-year old self when I was not jaded in life yet!

RIP Bradpack

 A co-worker passed away yesterday. I've worked with him in various projects and he's always efficient and on time. He's a chatty guy and always so nice. He would call everyone "Bradpack" which was his version of "bro" and "pare". I checked his Facebook and saw his son posted a farewell tribute to his dad. I read the comments and said his father died of COVID. Devastating. It's my first time to know someone personally who died because of this deadly disease. It just makes things feel more real to me. Since I'm work from home now so I didn't get exposed and honesty I didn't even have that much interaction with him lately as well because his shift was later in the afternoon back then. Still, once I go back to the office knowing he won't be there anymore is just making me feel so sad. 

I will miss you Kuya Pat. Rest in Peace.

KJ

 The past few days, I made a conscious effort to minimize my exposure to social media because the situation right now is just making me so anxious and hopeless. However, out of necessity,  I decided to check a few official government pages to get a specific information but I got lost reading a lot of comments from ordinary people. There's a lot of stress, distrust and hardship right now.  I actually got annoyed whenever I see meme/hugot/harot posts in the middle of more serious concerns and insights being shared.  I know that's how some people deal with tough situations - finding humor. But I don't know, it's been a year of this never-ending nightmare that I'm finding it hard to find something to laugh about.

Unchecked

Last Wednesday, I saw a tweet with a photo of long lines in the bus terminal last Wedneday. This is a nightmare back in the normal times but now with added anxiety of catching the virus and getting reprimanded because of an impractical curfew for the working class. This is a clear case of lack of foresight of those who set the rules. Our governor recently made a post about checkpoints that have caused heavy traffic and basically the blame was again placed to the ordinary people. It's harder to be part of the working class in this ordeal we have right now.

Extended Stress

 So today it was announced that the Enhanced Community Quarantine has been extended for another week. It was inevitable with over 10K for 3 days now.  It stresses me out both health concerns and economic issue. I'm not sure if I can go back to the office next week but I really want to. So unbelievable that I'm in this situation yet again

15K

 Yeah another record high, over 15K. Over 3K is backlog from March 31 but still not reassuring. How are we going to deal with this anymore?

Silence

 Today is Maundy Thursday and the start of April. Second holy week and summer season in a pandemic. This week is traditionally quiet and somber but the silence right now is deafening than ever. I hope and pray next year will be better.

Heard

 There was a survey by the municipality that was conducted here in our subdivision today. My mother thought it was for  "ayuda" so she was really excited when she told me to go to our multipurpose area after she was informed by someone from our homeowners association. I didn't think it was the case but I didn't want to burst her bubble. Anyway, the survey was about to ask feedback if our the projects of the mayor's office is effective and my response was that I'm not fully aware of the projects to give an informed opinion. Next, I was asked if I think the National ID project will be difficult to obtained and I said yes and the officer didn't ask me further. To be honest, I think that's really unnecessary since there's UMID already that's really should be the one that covers all government offices so what's the purpose of this really?  Lastly, I was asked if we are willing to get vaccinated and my response was yes but will depend on what brand they will administer especially for my senior parents. I want to make sure the vaccine is a reputable one and also to be honest I just have big reservations of the one brand widely available that they want to us to settle for. I don't know how this survey will turn out but I'm glad my voice (and my family as well) was heard today

Bumps

Today was such a challenging day for work-home balance. My work from home task were interrupted because of house errands and also looking over my parents that are not in good terms because of a shallow issue but being forced to stay home right now is definitely a factor why the mood swings are so insane. Then around  the afternoon, my Internet connection was poor so I had difficulty downloading some videos I need for work. So stressful really. That's why I really want to work at the office, I get things done with less distractions and also better for mental health to be honest. For now, I don't have a choice but really hoping I can go back to the office next week.

10K

 First day of ECQ Season 2 and over 10K cases today! Yep. This is going to get worse each day. Of course aside from that health crisis, we are also riddled with so much politics, misguided defense, stupid excuses and general hopelessness. Back working from home for now as well and it's really more difficult like I just finished a task few minutes ago . When I'm at the office I can finish everything before I leave and don't take home any job normally. But what can I do right? So stressful. God please help us

Same, Same

 So on the day before ECQ returns, we went to the market like we normally do a Sunday but as expected there were more people than usual. I also went to the drugstore to stock up on some medicines for my mother and thankfully it was not chaotic and I was like one of four customers. I did a quick run at the grocery too to buy some stuff and when I entered, there were no lines but when I left, there's already a long queue both a the store entrance and the nearby ATM. Yeah people in panic mode.  More people close to each other. Now tell me if this decision is really a good thing. But what I can do really at this point but just deal with it and stay sane as I can in this never ending ordeal. 

No Path

 So yeah starting on Monday, BACK on ECQ again. Hopefully, it won't last longer than Holy Week because the economic fallout will be hard. I saw this coming so I made some early preparations both at work and home. However, now that this is a reality it really sucks so bad. Same worries as last year. Nope, maybe even worst.  I'm really afraid where we are heading. 

Smile in The Middle of Stress

 Received some good news today. My sibling who had a health scare earlier this year had a good medical checkup today which is a big relief! With the rising cases of COVID (another all time high today with nearly 10K!), health is such a big concern right now. Tatay also received some good news from his former workplace's cooperative. He is annoyed that he can't go outside now as he is 66 and part of the list now allowed by the government to go out so this good news is such a blessing in this frustrating and scary times we live in. 

Another All Time High

8,773 confirmed cases today.  I already know some acquittances who tested positive. Thankfully, I  haven't been exposed to anyone who tested positive, hopefully forever. Scary times. Depressing times. As I walk to my shuttle's parking space, I can't help but feel sad once again seeing the many struggling business I see. One year later and we are in such dire state. 

Longer

 Today's confirmed cases is 6,666. Yup, the joke is on us now. Lots of chaotic and stressful things happening right now because of this surge. So much mismanagement. So much distrust. So much excuses.

Cling

 Moderna just announced that the Philippines secured 7 million doses of their vaccines thanks to a partnership with the private sector. Thank goodness! I hope they get to this country soon enough and I really it won't be delayed anymore especially if for some nonsense reasons. Let the private sector do it, it's obvious the powers that can be has mishandled this so gravely.  Today is the second day of the GCQ with Additional Restrictions and I went back to the office. Thankfully, my shuttle ride didn't experience any checkpoint hassle and it was just a regular ride. The last thing I need right now is to face that kind of stress. It's hard but you gotta keep fighting 

Enough

 My father was watering the plants when a casual friend walked by and was about to start a political discussion but tatay, who usually engages in small talk, brushed him off   "Sorry may gagawin pa ako sa loob", he said . My tatay is not here for his loyalist crap anymore. He voted for him but less than a year in position, he regretted it so much. I'm really relieved that he was not as easily persuaded by his peers, while he never debates or goes into arguments, he never really agrees with political statements he clearly opposes, he either changes the topic or gave vague non-answers to not encourage the conversation but today was the first time I saw him totally reject someone attempt for chit chat. Yeah, today we just have over 8K cases, messy quarantine measures and just general sense of dread, he can't be chill anymore with someone still believing he's not doing anything wrong. 

With Add Ons

 NCR and nearby provinces including Cavite are back to GCQ tomorrow but this time with added restrictions. All industries and public transportation are still available so I can still go to the office although for tomorrow I opted to work from home because I don't have immediate work task that I'm need to be physically present at the office and of course I want to observe as well how this GCQ with added restrictions play out tomorrow.  I really hate this, I hope checkpoints won't return. 

7,999

 That's the number of cases reported today and I'm more annoyed that really it had to end with 999? What is this sales marketing trick because 8000 cases look more horrifying?  Nevertheless, we are really spending the pandemic anniversary with no positive signs or any progress at all. I feel so scared and hopeless. 

Circle

After yesterday's angsty post, today was back to normal as if nothing happened last time. It's normal and I'm used to it but I don't know each time it happens it really pushes my buttons. Incidents likes will still happen in the future and dear Lord please guide me more patience and strength because I love them so much and I don't want to feel what I felt last night again

In other news, over seven thousand confirmed cases! It never ends. 

Tired

 One of those days where I once again question myself if I made the right decisions in life. Two small incidents where I got castigated. The first one is a simple mistake on a matter which to be honest is so inessential but I tolerated and perhaps spoiled him because  he had a terrible time last year and all I can do is to make him feel better. But because I forgot one of his request I got berated by hurtful words. I don't deserve it but I stayed quiet and apologetic so the issue won't be big but I'm getting the cold treatment right now. The second one is I got accused, although not directly, that I'm stealing money  because I was questioned of the price of a medicine I've been regularly buying and for some reason she didn't understood the quantity and prices.  I have receipts of course and explained things thoroughly and I just got a dismissive "ok" response but I still feel like I did something wrong.  I don't deserve it but I got to stay the mature one as I'm the younger person  and the one who should be patient that maybe because they are getting older, they are more sensitive and paranoid. But it's hard especially because I feel so insecure where my life is right now. I could have reached for the stars but I kept thinking about their welfare so I adjusted my life choices so I can look after their concerns. I want to say that I don't have regrets because ultimately I love and care about them so much but moments like this where I feel like I'm being treated unjustly makes me ponder what if I made the call to prioritize what I really wanted to do even if I had to leave them behind. Would I be happier?

Light

 Just talked to a friend working at a Los Angeles hospital and she's really optimistic because the cases in their hospital dropped dramatically in the last few weeks and this is the effect of more people getting vaccinated. If the trend continues, she's hopeful by May there would be a legit semblance of normalcy. That really made me feel better at least because my country is such a mess right now, cases rising again, very few vaccines available (the one available here has shady dealings that makes people really uncomfortable) and a very horrible government. I need to see some light in this dark alley. 

Deep Well

 Once again I'm fighting hard not to fall hard with my cynical thoughts. Anxiety is through the roof with the never ending pandemic, never ending mismanagement, never ending patronizing and enabling. I'm tired of overthinking. I'm tired of thinking the worst case scenario. I'm tired of feeling so frustrated all the time. So many problems. So many worries. So many insecurities. 

Brink

 No office work tomorrow due to disinfection as precautionary measure to the rising cases of COVID yet again. Some of notable public figures reported that got infected as well. Confirmed cases today is nearly six thousand. Alarming and worrying. A return to stricter quarantine measures is inevitable. I feel so hopeless. 

Home

 My brother is back home after staying a month in Bohol to be with his wife. When I told nanay earlier that tatay texted that my brother already arrived, she said out loud "SALAMAT SA DIYOS". She was really worried because of the complications that pandemic brought in. Much more know with the alarming rise in cases and stricter lockdowns are making a comeback. The anxiety from one year ago is really returning and having your family as close as possible really matters these days. 

5,000

 So today the reported new COVID19 cases reached 5,000. It's odd that it's a flat number so kinda makes me a little suspicious but to be honest the total reported cases of over 600K cases in the past year or so I feel does not reflect the whole picture, maybe we are over 1M cases already if there were more tests done. Anyway,  this so stressful but I'm hopeful there won't be a super strict lockdown again that hurts the economy and much worst be a platform for abuse of power

One Year Later

 Last year when the community quarantine was announced to take effect on March 15 I was really worried because this is something I have never experienced in my life. A lockdown, what a concept. And a lot of fears came to fruition. I was worried about my job, me, and my family's safety and the country, the world, in general. I knew that life will never be the same again. It sucks that my fears about the aftermath in society came true and until now there's so much suffering everywhere while there's a lot of side issues as well that's raising my frustration to another level. But of course, there are things to be thankful for, I and my family's health are good although there were non-pandemic health concerns last year that became complicated because of the restrictions but still, it could have been worst, and thank God it wasn't. My country is still a mess and right now the restrictions are making a comeback with the rising I cases. I still stand my ground that a medical problem should not be managed by using a militaristic style but what can I do but just bite my tongue and hope for the best. One year later I'm still scared. 

Roadblock

 I had some issues with the carpool ride today. The driver is new although we are still coordinating the original driver so there was some miscommunication early in the morning which was a little irritating. Then today on our way home, he informed us that for today we will be dropped off to a spot where we still had to ride a jeep to get to our barangay. Very annoying. He was apologetic because to be fair there was only three of us today destined to that location so I guess he wants to save gas or what. Our fare was not the same too so we weren't cheated on but still it was my first time to ride a jeep again and while being an open air vehicle is good for virus safety, I still felt uncomfortable. The original driver would have still driven us to our location even if we were only that few because he did it before. The timing was just not good considering the rise of COVID cases again. Oh well. I hope this was just an isolated case and won't be a regular thing. 

Square One

 So yeah almost a year after the first community quarantine was imposed, NCR cases are surging, local officials imposing localized lockdown again, the police wants to prohibit public display of affection, some areas will have checkpoints again and there's that feel again of Deja vu. We are going back how we started. For now Cavite won't be as strict again and I hope it stays that way because I don't know if I can handle that again, the anxiety of being in a strict lockdown is too much. So damn frustrating really. 

Alert

 So PHIVOLCS has raised Alarm Level 2 (increasing alert) on Taal Volcano so meaning there's imminent danger of another eruption. It happened in January last year before the pandemic started and while our place was not directly affected we witnessed ash fall! It was surreal to witness that in my life. Our subdivision chapel became a temporary evacuation center for some people in Batangas Oh Dear Lord please don't let it happen again. Please protect us from this.

'

So tired

 I try to avoid or not too think much about current events lately because it's so frustrating but the heartless justifications of EJKs. I can't believe I live in such a time when people just shrug it off or worst defend it. Honestly, I'm more affected that there are a lot of people still standing by this person. Unbelievable. It's not just online but people in real life. How can they digest all this rampant toxicity? Because that person make them laugh with offensive, in your face, insensitive, crass jokes? I can't believe anyone still believes that everything is alright, that everything is being handled well. I'm so angry and frustrated. Hopeless because there's nothing much I can do but just witness how everything is unfolding before my eyes.

Remember

My nephew reminded me today that it's been a year since our dog of more than a decade passed way. He called the dog "Bow wow wow" when he was a little and we stuck with that name too. I was really sad when the dog passed away even if I never really touched him over the years because I'm asthmatic and I'm generally afraid of getting bitten. But he was a constant  presence in our family, so it felt like it was losing a loved one. Little did we know that the dog's death will be just the beginning of such terrible year. 

Still Hanging

 Metro Manila mayors decided to not open the cinemas again  due to rising cases the past week or so. Such awful timing and I really feel bad for the theaters. While there has been legal streaming now but let's face it a lot will not shell out money for that instead wait for pirated stuff on line commonly seen on Facebook which has always been awful in guarding pirated content. While cinemas are open in MGCQ areas but without the capital open, big movies won't dare open as the biggest market is NCR. Oh well, the fact the cases are rising again dampens my hope that we could see a road to recovery. 

P360

 I'm in a moment where I should have moved forward on a decision that I thought of earlier. I should have trusted my guts but oh well what kept me from doing it because it involved finances and I want to save money so I didn't push through with it. Now, I'm regretting that I didn't make that decision but already stuck so just gonna deal with this matter right now. I really hate that my limited financial capability is making some simple decisions more difficult than it should have. Even the little things like this situation I'm in at the moment frustrates me big time. 

More, More, More

 Astra Zeneca vaccines arrived in the country a few hours ago. That's one of the brand of vaccines I'm more confident about! Hopefully, Pfizer, Moderna and Johnson & Johnson brands will find their way here too very soon. Anyway, supply is limited so likely won't get vaccinated anytime soon but having a vaccine gives me hope things could be relatively normal by year's end

Verified

 So I have to verify my GCASH account so I can do money transfer. It was stressful at first because the app won't accept the screen shot of my ID then I figure out maybe because I have an old smart phone and it doesn't capture clear enough photos so I borrowed my brother's phone to do it and it took me multiple tries actually before it got accepted. Then came the selfie verification and it took a few more hours before I received a text notification that my selfie verification was rejected! I thought maybe because I have a beard and I looked different from my ID photo? So I shaved! Maybe it worked because my selfie verification was approved in just a few minutes! Anyway, I tried the bank transfer  and it was smooth flowing! I'm quite behind with all these things but better late than never!

Aid

I'm quite relieved right now because my work load is lighter because there are people who are helping me with some of the tasks. I still micromanage stuff but at least not everything all depends on me. The truth is I'm always hesitant to ask for help because I don't want to be a bother but this pandemic era made me realized that I need to be more assertive for my own welfare. I need to learn to let things go and trust people more. 

March To Where?

 First day of March and in 2 weeks, it would have been a full year since the community quarantine and the normal life we knew changed forever. So where are we heading? So messy. So alarming. So infuriating. Aside from the fear of getting the virus itself, the mental toll this ordeal has put upon is excruciating. No thanks to so many questionable decisions. My frustration just grows each day. It's hard not to lose hope. It's such a big test to hold on despite everything/. 

Lukewarm

 So today the first COVID vaccines finally arrived in the country. But it's the least desirable brand with only 50% effectivity. Not surprised so many are hesitant about it at all. But it also sucks that there's a lot f fear with vaccines right now in general. Likely an effect of the the Dengvaxia issue that had misinformation and fear mongering surrounding it. I grew up with the late DOH Secretary Juan Flavier and he really a very effective information drive to encourage people for vaccines that reached even the remote areas. It sucks that all the hard work he did had been tarnished with the general public's fear of vaccines right now. Of course it does not help that a questionable vaccine brand is the one that got here, way to intensify the anxiety!

Distract

 Back on Netflix lately to watch films with Oscar buzz and some shows too. Last time I was on Netflix was last April in the middle of the hard lockdown. Another reason I went to Netflix as well because my brother was curious with the Korean drama Crash Landing on You after finding out the story involves North Korea because he is fascinated with that country's mystery, so I lent my account to him. He got laid off recently so he's been at home lately and I've noticed he watches a lot of political stuff on YouTube which really gets him mad which I can't blame him really given how frustration the situation is. So yeah when he mentioned about his interest about the show so I though this is a good way to give him a nice distraction from everything. He actually enjoyed the  show and binged it in three days. He's watching various stuff on Netflix which is good although he is still into current politics but at least it does not consume him that much like before. 

1/3

 Today our salary was given in cash instead of ATM due to some technical issues with the bank. And having my salary in physical form is a different experience. I did a literal budget separated the paper bills to three groups: savings, house expenses, cash on hand. I allocated 1/3 each and it depressed me a little because money is so hard and I really have little room for extra cash. Of course, I'm thankful to have a job in this time but still I can't help but feel so insecure about my financial state. I hate this feeling so much,

35

So today is the EDSA People Power 35th Anniversary and I'm so sad that the memory of that historical moment feels like an afterthought now and some even degraded it. I can't believe that a time like this would happen in my lifetime. When will this madness end?

Fast and Slow

 February is ending this week and here comes March which also signals the first anniversary when COVID19 was pronounced a pandemic and lockdowns begin all over the world.  How could time fly so fast and yet it feels so painfully slow. There's still a lot of mess around vaccines and when and how to open the economy. Then what's really annoying that hey politicking is still pretty present, unwavering. So frustrating really and that I really just want to avoid the news altogether but you need to be informed so yeah just have to control what type of news can consume you and not let it drag everything down. But man it's just so hard. 

Bare

 Something I was putting off I finally made the move today and it wasn't what I hoped for. I got heartbroken but I prepared myself for that turnout eventually. However, a twist of events led me to actually getting something else and at the same time, I was able to open up all these pent-up emotions I've been storing inside me for weeks... for months. It was embarrassing but it felt good to speak it all out. Thank you.

Again and Again

I don't know if this is because of this never ending pandemic and political problems but I just feel so down lately again. I continue to worry about a lot of things to from national concerns to personal problems. I wish it stops because it's quite hard to deal with it on a constant basis while pretending in front of other people that everything's OK. There's just a lot things that remind how everything is right now. How our lives have changed so much. And how it can never be the same again.

Damaged Souls

 As we near the anniversary when the community quarantine order was announced, the more I feel really sad. One year and things just got worse. Somehow it feels like time flies but at the same time everything moves so slowly. Our lives permanently changed. One or way another, we will never come out of this the same people we were before everything went to hell!

Dash

 Went to the grocery with Nanay today and there were barely any people. In a way it's relaxing and those early lockdown days where going to the grocery felt like going to war is long gone. But still it made me think if partly the reason with the lack of people earlier is that people are just struggling right now. We are less than a month away from the 1st year anniversary of the ECQ. Time flies but everything feels so slow. The vaccine rollout is quite messy so another thing to get stresses about really. Is this what it feels like to live in a historical moment. There are so many things I have learned from this but I can't feel at ease because of the uncertainty and general lack of proper guidance and trustworthy leadership. 

Foresight

 Today there was a decision made for the future and while it is needed, I felt pressured and of course for the inevitable but I don't want to happen anytime soon. I don't know why I always think of the bad implications first even if there's a positive direction behind this particular decision. With these decisions as well, I need to be more proactive as well and accept and handle more adult decisions. I'm 33 for crying out loud so it's overdue really but I just feel like I can't handle what lies ahead. I'm just scared of the future but I should change that attitude and be braver. Dear Lord please guide me and my family. 

Knock

 I want to make one move that could help things improve but I can't shake off the feeling of fear and thus keeping me from making the first step. I keep delaying what I should have done long ago. I fear rejection. I fear the spotlight would be put on me when I want to stay as private as possible. But I badly the door that this thing will open if I can be just brave enough to knock. 

Decline

 According to WHO, the GLOBAL  number of new coronavirus cases has declined by 16 percent  and the number of deaths declined by 10% too! This is a promising development and I hope the downward trend continues. This is giving me hope that maybe by the end of the year a semblance of the old normal will return. Please oh dear Lord, let this be the start of the end of this nightmare. 

Snippets 11

 - Cinema reopening in Metro Manila is on hold due to concerns by the mayors. It sucks but I get it and I do hope they find the right measures so the cinemas can open safely like in the provinces. I really want this industry to survive, streaming is great and accessible but also prone to piracy so there's that. 

- Tomorrow is my sister's birthday and of course my birthday wish/prayer is good health after the medical concerns she had early this year. 

-Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the lenten season is here. Last year's Lent fell in the middle of the strict lockdown and it was such an eerie feeling especially during Maundy Thursday and Good Friday our subdivision went on full lockdown. Now it's almost a year later. It's not as strict anymore but still nowhere near the old normal. And we don't know for how long

Off

Today started a little rough then it didn't help my toothache is back! At work I drank paracetamol to relieve the pain but the effect is I got sleepy! It was so hard to work while fighting off antok! Of course rhere are things that annoyed me throughout the day as well. It was an off day. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

Scary thoughts

 My father had a dream last night about his departed siblings. He said it seems like they wanted to take him too. He got scared of course and we told to him to relax and don't think negatively. Admittedly, I got scared too but I didn't want to show it and I shifted topics because I don't want him to dwell on those thoughts. However, my mother got scared and she manifested it by being irritated at my father, telling him he should have a check up if he is feeling something off and stop thinking negative thoughts. It was quite stressful to be honest. I know my father is just feeling sad after losing his 3 brothers in a year. That's something he won't be able to move on easily especially the death of his youngest brother because it was so unexpected and we saw him suffer so much. It still makes me cry when I think about it so what more Tatay? Dear Lord please guide him at all times. 

Next Picture

 Cinemas in NCR are finally allowed to open! Looking forward to see what releases will be in play. Whule there were cinemas open in provinces since last quarter of 2020, there were no major releases as the top marker - Metro Manila - is not open. I understand there are still health concerns but as far as I know there's no reported outbreak anywhere in the world where cinemas are open and for sure protocols will be strictly enforced so theaters deserve to get a chance to regain business. I wish them well! 

Sixteen

I've been blogging for everyday now and I STILL forgot this blog's anniversary last February 4! SIXTEEN YEARS. This blog has existed for so long. I've neglected for years but I made a comeback last year and it helped me cope with the anxiety of the pandemic. It's just so cathartic. Thank you  Google for keeping Blogspot still alive all these years haha!

Anyway, thank you who maybe reading this :)

Productivity

 I had very busy day at work because tomorrow is a holiday (Chinese New Year. Why it became a holiday here I dunno haha!). I can't believe I did 10 program grids, cut-to-cut video editing for 20 episodes and quality check for 5 episodes all in one day. But good thing actually that the bosses told me I could ask for help from the special projects who are currently in between projects so at least my burden was lessened. But I love being busy today, it felt like I was back in the pre-pandemic times. I also didn't have the time to linger on thoughts that upset me lately. 

Hanging

I was reminded how one of my concerns is far from over. It was tough but I need to deal with the reality of life. I don't know for how long can I endure facing this matter. Everything is up in the air. It's hard not to lose hope, It's hard not to feel defeated. It's hard not feel the anger that's brewing inside of me. Why did this have to happen? Why do they always win? Why are they empowered? I'm terrified of what the future awaits. 

Product of Its Time

 

So yeah I watched another Digital Premiere of a Restored Filipino film earlier tonight! And just like time, it's a movie before I was born Tinimbang Ang Langit in 1982. This is a more commercial movie, so think of Viva/Regal movies of this era. It's light drama about romance and music. To be honest, I wasn't really captivated  by the story but I enjoyed it because I love seeing how contemporary 1982 looked like in clear resolution! The use of phones, the dialogue and I was also fascinated by how some aspects felt like it hasn't changed today. There was one though that clearly wouldn't fly today! There was a song featured here with a title "Try a Little Suicide" and to be fair the song is not really advocating suicide but it's a metaphor about taking a risk. The song is actually good but with that title, nope! It's not just about being politically correct but also sensitivity. But can't blame the songwriter and the movie though because back then it was just different context. That's what I love about seeing movies likes this set in the past, you'll have learnings along the way. 

Peaceful Trip

 Today I found out my original shuttle ride driver Kuya Rems passed away. I knew he was sick that's why he stopped his shuttle services but I didn't expect he will leave us soon. Life is so fragile. Rest in Peace Kuya Rems, thank you for safely driving us your passengers for all these years. I will never forget you.

LDR

 My brother went to our province Bohol today to be with his wife as they haven't seen in each other in over a year due to the pandemic. Currently, he is in quarantine in the LGU where they live in Bohol. After that he will stay there for a few more weeks before going back here because of his work. But I do think eventually my brother will reside in Bohol for good to be with his wife because I don't think my sister in law will leave there as honestly she has the more stable job right now while my brother's company is not in good shape. Plus they should be together raising their own family together. I really hope they'll have their own kid soon because my brother will definitely be a good father as he is a caring brother, son , husband and friend. I want to have another nephew or niece too! I'm glad though their year apart together is over now because love is hard to maintain when you are not together physically. 

Mercedes!

 Our company did the dubbing for this and I'm part of the team working on this as the Quality Checker. One thing I can say for sure is that iba talaga charisma ni Thalia. Whille previewing the episodes, I can't but for her charms here. Anyway, this is a good project for the company and glad to be part of it!

Red Lights, Stop Signs

 The current #1 on various international charts and I'm loving this song. The bridge is my favorite, there's just something that's captivating from it. I know there's Gen Z love triangle behind this song which probably helped this song gain buzz but the song is simply good that it wasn't just a one week wonder. It shows how music can be an effective storyteller.  I heard this song on the radio for the first time this week and it's sound so good there. Anyway, here's Olivia Rodrigo's first live TV performance of this song and she did really great, amazing vocals. She has so much potential at 17.

Unfulfilled

. Am I just tired? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? I don't for know sure what the answer is. I just feel... empty. I wish I could achieve some I can be so proud of anytime soon. I'm probably in one of the lowest points of my life. Work keeps my mind busy where I do a lot of things right now. But the problem is the time I spent commuting because there's a lull and listening to music or podcast does not do the trick anymore. In that amount of time, I ponder on a lot of things and go to unpleasant phases. It's a recurring feeling I've pre-pandemic and now it's even harder because the pandemic just things so much complicated. I worry about the future. I feel so tense about the present. I feel so much regrets about the past. Horrible. Just plain horrible.

Microcosm

 So on tonight's PBB episode, this guy housemate started to act coldly to a girl housemate because he does not feel comfortable with the housemates teasing them. That I could understand but he went on and said a very problematic statement where he dissed the girl's looks. Later on the two had the chance to talk but I honestly didn't feel that he truly understood what's problematic with his behavior and instead made it about himself in the end. What I saw triggered me because I felt like there are lot of people like him out there who don't have awareness on what's wrong with their behavior and mindset. And that's dangerous. On a grander level, we are in this quite messy situation because many people behave like that.  PBB in general is a fluffy reality show but a moment like that is what draws me into the show 15 years in. Once in awhile, there's an incident that would really make me things on a deeper level. 

Familiar

 One of my longtime and closest co-worker went back to the office today after working from home for half a year. She's back working at the office fulltime now because thankfully we have a lot of projects now and she's needed to be in the office due to logistics of the project. We had a good catching up earlier too because we haven't seen each other in months! My video editor also dropped by today. He also works remotely because he went back home in Tarlac when the lockdown began . He is in NCR this week due to processing of her documents abroad (where his mother petitioned him) and decided to go to the office today to work. It's good to see him again and be able to instruct him in person in some of the tasks that was honestly hard to work out online. It's still different when you get to see the people you work with in person. Today is still far from normal but familiar, I'll take it. 

Lousy

 I feel off again today. It's a combination of frustrations on so many things in my life right now. Plus, the never ending despair I feel for the country. Earlier, I saw this news feature of struggling small time businesses in Cebu and one vendor said that she cries everyday with the low sales and my heart broke.  And then another news feature mentioned a statement from a WHO official saying that life won't truly return to normal until after 2 years. Oh my God. 

Cool

 I love the weather today! The perfect weather to slack off but I didn't because I did some work from home stuff where one stressed me a little because I got frustrated over something that's so preventable but keeps on happening despite many attempts to correct it. It's not exactly my fault but I feel it is because of my  attitude of being too nice where stricter discipline was needed. But the thing is if I can avoid stressful stuff, I would take that road first but clearly it's not the best option for this situation. Good thing that the other work task I had was more relaxing because I did a preview and quality check of a dubbing project. Anyway, back to the weather, I hope it stays for a few more days or weeks! Living in this constantly stressful world of health hazards and political insanity, a cool weather gives a temporary retrieve from all the anxiety!

Pancit and a Bucket of Joy

 Yesterday was stressful. I had multiple things to accomplish at work that had complications because my video editor is work from home and it's extra hard to manage that particular task remotely! Then of course I learned about my sibling's not so good medical test results that really made me worry although admittedly I went a little overboard with it and immediately thought of the worst case scenario. It was really more a reminder to take care of one's health and precautions. In hindsight, it's good that particular finding was detected earlier on to prevent a bigger issue. Anyway, we were more relax today because stressing out is also hazardous so one needs to be calm and to stay relaxed. It's more harmful to think of negative things immediately. The medical concern is something we can all survive like we did in the past. 

I treated my family after receiving my 13th month this week but it was just a simple pancit bihon and Chicken Joy bucket but everybody appreciated it. Thank you Lord that despite these hard times, I still to get to receive a blessing. Please continue to guide my famly and keep us away from any form of harm.

Worry

  So found out a sibling has a medical concern right now. She needs more tests and check-up with a specialist but still, it's worrying me a lot right but as I was talking to her earlier, I was trying to boost her morale that it won't be that alarming in the end but deep inside I'm very worried but the last thing she needs is another worrywart too so I need to hide that one. Oh dear Lord please protect my sister from any alarming illness, please let it be a minor thing that can be resolved through medicine and proper diet. I'm so scared but I need to be tougher. 

Soltero

 So I watched another  virtual premiere of a digitally restored Filipino film via KTX again today! This time it's a 1984 film called SOLTERO (bachelor). Admittedly, I've never heard of this film until it was announced that it will have a screening this week but the premise piqued my interest because it's about the life of a single Filipino man. It's sad that the director, screenwriter and lead actor (Jay Ilagan) are no longer with us. I would have wanted to hear their thoughts in hindsight. We did get to hear two actresses from the film - Rio Locsin and Chanda Romero as they talk about what if was ike when they shot this film and you could clearly feel this was a special one as they tell their stories and insights with so much gusto.

Since I knew nothing about this film I didn't know what to expect but you know that's sometimes the thrill of the cinema, it takes you to places unfamiliar and experience a different kind of life. And this film is also such a time capsule of the mid 80s and glad to see a film capture an ordinary kind of life during that time before I was born with clear video! Anyway, this film is more of a character study with slice of life attack but it's never really boring. The bits and pieces that we knew about the life of Crispin (the lead) are full of subtle details that resonates. This film ultimately explores the loneliness one could feel where you are not that young anymore but not too old either. It perfectly encapsulates the emptiness one could feel. But what I like about is that in the end, there's hope that being a decent and loving person will still lead you a life worth living. 

You could stream SOLTERO and other digitally restored Pinoy classics over at KTX

Finally!

 So yeah today we finally received our 13th month pay, yes a month delayed but it doesn't matter, I'm grateful. Not gonna lie I was losing hope but I reminded myself that our boss didn't give his word for nothing. It took awhile but hey it's finally here. I already gave some of it to my parents because they deserve. My bonus this month is not that big compared to previous years for obvious reasons so I'm cautious with this and I'm not planning to spend that much. I am just thinking of getting my laptop monitor finally fixed though but we'll see I hope I could find a good deal for this, Thank you Lord for this blessing, it was worth the wait.

Cautiously Happy

 Looks like I received some good news today. "Looks like" because I'm a paranoid person and I'm trying to manage my expectations because what if it won't push through again and I get heartbroken again. I need to see it fully realized first! So I'm holding off any plans for now but can't deny I'm getting a little giddy too because I've been waiting for it. Hopefully, nothing will stop this now from happening. 

Shift

 I watched Ang Probinsyano earlier tonight on YouTube and the episode reached 102K live viewers. That's a major milestone for local TV livestreaming on YouTube. When ABS CBN started livestreaming their shows on YouTube, Probinsyano started above 20K live viewers and eventually to regular 50K viewers. It was a big episode with a death of major character so no wonder viewers sought it out but it made me wonder if there's a good chunk of viewers that are comfortable watching TV shows online now especially with the rise of Smart TV usage among the middle class. It's an interesting shift to witness. 

Endless

The last week of January is upon us and time flies and yet everything feels so long. Everything is just so up in the air. This pandemic. This political atmosphere. I can't feel an end soon. It's a long tunnel of frustration. Endure and survive each day the best way we can. Each day poses a new challenge. I wanna treasure each moment but can't help but feel so much time has been wasted. How can we reclaim the lost years of our lives? 

Sting

 More than ever I'm feeling the economic aftermath of this pandemic. While there were still some financial disappointments but I'm so happy to still have a job and the company is still afloat. A big hotel in Makati will close down next week. A car manufacturing factory located in Laguna will close too. The prices of basic goods are skyrocketing. One sibling got laid off and my two other siblings while still employed, their companies are struggling too and there's so much uncertainty. I have a lot of fear and whenever I see so much arrogance from public officials I just feel so hopeless. 

Overcome

 I'm thinking of making a move that could help alleviate one of my problems right now. The thing is I'm afraid to do so out of fear of rejection. But I really need to something, to step it up. Diskarte. I lack that but it should change if I ever want to have a shot to improve my current status. Terribly afraid of failure. I need to overcome that

Climb

Today was US President Joe Biden's and VP Kamala Harris' inauguration and it was a pleasant event. Such a relief to have someone in a powerful position to be an agent of common decency. No arrogance. No antagonistic tone. The scene stealer though is this young poet's recitation or her piece "The Hill We Climb". Her name is Amanda Gorman and she blew me away! Powerful words and the rights one we need to hear in these trying times. Here's the clip and transcript

Mr. President, Dr. Biden, Madam Vice President, Mr. Emhoff, Americans and the world:

When day comes we ask ourselves, where can we find light in this never-ending shade? The loss we carry, a sea we must wade. We’ve braved the belly of the beast. We’ve learned that quiet isn’t always peace. In the norms and notions of what just is isn’t always justice.

And yet, the dawn is ours before we knew it. Somehow, we do it. Somehow, we’ve weathered and witnessed a nation that isn’t broken, but simply unfinished. We, the successors of a country and a time where a skinny Black girl descended from slaves and raised by a single mother can dream of becoming president, only to find herself reciting for one.

And yes, we are far from polished, far from pristine, but that doesn’t mean we are striving to form a union that is perfect. We are striving to forge our union with purpose, to compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and conditions of man.

And so, we lift our gazes not to what stands between us, but what stands before us. We close the divide because we know, to put our future first, we must first put our differences aside. We lay down our arms so we can reach out our arms to one another. We seek harm to none and harmony for all. Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true. That even as we grieved, we grew. That even as we hurt, we hoped; that even as we tired, we tried; that we’ll forever be tied together, victorious. Not because we will never again know defeat, but because we will never again sow division.

Scripture tells us to envision that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree, and no one shall make them afraid. If we’re to live up to our own time, then victory won’t lie in the blade, but in all the bridges we’ve made. That is the promise to glade, the hill we climb if only we dare it. Because being American is more than a pride we inherit; it’s the past we step into and how we repair it. We’ve seen a forest that would shatter our nation rather than share it, would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy. And this effort very nearly succeeded.

But while democracy can be periodically delayed, it can never be permanently defeated. In this truth, in this faith we trust, for while we have our eyes on the future, history has its eyes on us. This is the era of just redemption. We feared it at its inception. We did not feel prepared to be the heirs of such a terrifying hour, but within it, we found the power to author a new chapter, to offer hope and laughter to ourselves.

So, while once we asked: “How could we possibly prevail over catastrophe?” Now we assert, “How could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?”

We will not march back to what was, but move to what shall be: a country that is bruised, but whole; benevolent, but bold; fierce and free. We will not be turned around or interrupted by intimidation, because we know our inaction and inertia will be the inheritance of the next generation. Our blunders become their burdens. But one thing is certain, if we merge mercy with might, and might with right, then love becomes our legacy, and change our children’s birthright.

So, let us leave behind a country better than one we were left. With every breath from my bronze-pounded chest, we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one. We will rise from the gold-limned hills of the West. We will rise from the wind-swept Northeast where our forefathers first realized revolution. We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the Midwestern states. We will rise from the sun-baked South. We will rebuild, reconcile and recover in every known nook of our nation, in every corner called our country our people diverse and beautiful will emerge battered and beautiful.

When day comes, we step out of the shade aflame and unafraid. The new dawn blooms as we free it. For there is always light. If only we’re brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it.

— Amanda Gorman’s “The Hill We Climb,” as recited at the inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris

Deflated

 * Today I thought one thing I've been waiting for will finally happen but nope it still ain't happening /

* While not as awful as last week, I still feel some tooth ache from time to time

* One thing that I thought was over came back again awhile to give me some stress.

* I had a chat with my carpool mate earlier, a nice elderly man who continues to work just because he still can and wants to be useful. Of course because of my age, he asked if I had my own family and I said no because I'm devoted to looking after my parents which made me think again of how I wish I could so much more for my parents financially speaking. I feel inadequate.

*I feel so hopeless if things can ever go back to what it used to be.

Plot Twist Please

 I'm so tired of everything that is happening in this country. I'm tired of so much arrogance, so much shady decisions, so much trolling, so much obnoxiousness. I'm tired of those who continue to believe that this person is doing the right thing, that we are being led to the right direction. There's so much blatant disregard of what is proper and sensible right now. I cringe when people find the statements made as funny. Nothing is hilarious anymore. We are "entertained" way too much. I'm so upset to live in this moment where I feel like we can't get a win. Everything feels hopeless. Everything that could go wrong is happening. I'm so frustrated. I'm so afraid of what the future beholds. 

It Continues

 Last week I saw two small private schools here that have FOR LEASE signs on their now former buildings. It was such a sad sight to see. I never expected that I will see so many schools closing.  I thought I've adjusted with this life we have right now but I can't shake off this feeling of uneasiness whenever I'm reminded of how much lives have changed.

And then you see the grave mishandling of the potential solution to end this ordeal. I'm so frustrated!

2M

 Over 2 million people have died because of COVID19 and this pandemic has no signs of slowing down anytime soon. The effect of this pandemic still lingers.  The vaccination program in the country is one big mess. Frustrating. It makes my blood boil. Are we really this hopeless? I don't know if I can be enthusiastic about the future. I can't feel any source of inspiration right now. 

Bleak

 I'm in a foul mood today. There are just instances in my life where I feel it's so unfair but I have no control over it. And honestly root source is money. I absolutely hate it. Again, I know people have it worst but it does not invalidate my current struggles right now. So many frustrations but I'm trapped, so few options left. So many what ifs. 

Then you see the news, it's just so frustrating how the attitude of the people are. Harap harapan na tayong ginago pero where's the outrage? Ok na lang talaga na ganito na lang? Exhausting and tiring, I want to escape from it all

Sagip Pelikula Film Festival

 I'm still on a high from last night's remastered Radio Romance digital premiere which by the way you can watch here: https://www.ktx.ph/category/radio-romance

There are other restored films that's screening over KTX too for the Sagip Pelikula Film Festival and I plan to watch more! This is the type of endeavor I really want to support because these films are classics and the opportunity to watch them in full glory is a treat! I hope more people will check it out because these films deserve to been by a new generation!

Photographs of the Past

 So I watched the digital premiere of the remastered 1996 movie Radio Romance via the platform KTX. I've seen this before when I was a kid but to be honestly I don't remember that much anymore and I was in the mood for a nostalgia trip to a much simpler time. Before the movie, there was a talk from the writer-director Jose Javier Reyes and it was  a delight to listen and I especially like the end where he discussed why restoring old movies is so important because they are the photographs of the past, it's a peak where we have started and how tradition is important to have direction in the future. Such wise words. Anyway, the movie was a treat, it's like Love Actually of course this one came first! So many stories of love and generally light to watch. I definitely enjoyed seeing the sign of those times. I giggled when Rico Yan's character boasted to Claudine's character that his PC has 1 gig memory! It was also fascinating to be reminded how back then cellphones weren't mainstream and when people meet up, it really is just word of honor! And course when parents worry when their kids got home late, they have no means to contact where they are aside from calling the landlines of their kid's friend's houses! And course the radio booth set up and the displays of the different kinds of radios and components at that time. So nostalgic!

You can watch the restored Radio Romance this week on KTX

https://www.ktx.ph/category/radio-romance

Throbbing

So yeah my toothache is still here and it's quite a hassle! Anyway, thank you Ponstan for making it bearable at least. To be honest, I don't go the dentist regularly, no one in our house does. I never had "official" tooth extraction and just let it fall off naturally. I did had tooth filling once and several cleanings. I know it's not late to do better with my dental health though so yeah I better make sure to get this done immediately. Going to the dentist is a little complicated with COVID around though

Ache

 I have a toothache tonight, first time in awhile. I already took  pain reliever but there are still few pinches of pain every now and then. I really hate this feeling because it's so inconvenient and quite bothersome. Hopefully, tomorrow I will feel better because I have many things to do at work!

Ignited

A few minutes ago I saw a window to a chance to fulfill a dream. But of course I just peeked and fantasized of what could have been. I think that little fire in me will always keep burning. I wish I was in the position to take a risk and finally take that chance. Heck, before I saw that I was dealing with something that's keeping me from going anywhere near that window. And  I will be honest, all I have  is just the desire but I have no skills and confidence to make it happen. It does feel good to dream again like I was a young person beaming with potential. It's too late now. 

Snippets 10

 My nephew finally had his haircut today, first time since March! My sister was just trimming his hair for the past few month but it was just too long and looks untidy. He looks very pleasant and actually younger like he's 10 again!

***

 My sister also had a check up because of a hip pain she's experiencing since last week when she lifted something in their room the wrong way. Her husband got worried because he is just like us we worry about these things and immediately thinks of the bad case scenario. Thankfully, it wasn't the case and she just needs some medication and also avoid lifting things because she just had muscle strain. 

***

I initially thought of doing some advanced work task today but got lazy because it's a Sunday, I deserve a break. But it made me think maybe that's why I'm stagnant because I don't push myself beyond what's needed? Maybe I need to exert more effort. 

"Heartbreak"

 I realized this week that I'm not over a "heartbreak". It's in quotations because it's not the heartbreak normal people have. It's a different kind of heartbreak over something I've always cared about but never thought I was this passionate until it was gone. Hopefully just temporary. This matter had an abrupt end and under questionable circumstances. Months have passed and yet I still feel sad with what happened. I feel incomplete. I try to move on but I just can't because what happened is unfair and there was a lot of nastiness involved. I truly hope one day it will get the vindication it deserves. 

More

I was busy all day juggling work task and family errands. I like being productive though because my mind is preoccupied and I don't dwell on unpleasant thoughts. This week I had a lot of those and it didn't help I had a horrible dream earlier. Maybe it was the manifestation of my worries. Tonight, I had a lull time and those thoughts haunted me again. I can't seem to relax. I feel so frustrated to a lot of things but I need to be a tougher person because I'm really finding myself  to be the center of a lot of pressure more and more each day. 

Seven days

 Yeah the streak of mind-blowing terrible things happening continues to the new year. So much bad news already in the first seven days of 2021. In the news dominating social media is the mysterious death of a flight attendant and annoyingly it had been used by politicians, police and resulted to slut shaming, outing gay people and a lot of homophobic and sexist remarks. It's such a sloppy investigation. So frustrating

And today there was chaos in America when supporters of the outgoing president attacked the Capitol in protest. Crazy day. Never though I would witness such horrible things in my lifetime. 

Setback

 My brother told us that he got laid off today and next week is his last week of employment. What a downer to open 2021 but a lot of companies are struggling these days. He has savings and still single so no immediate financial concern but still it sucks. He's planning to be a rider for logistics apps as he feels like he does not want to be tied up to a company anymore and there could be more financial success in this industry. He's not as techie savvy though so it could be a struggle for awhile but at least he has a plan and determined to rise from this one. 

Busy!

So I really had very busy day today at work. It felt like normal times you know which I'm glad. Anyway, My plate was full today and did multiple things at once that I accidently posted an instruction to my work from home video editor to a group chat of the dubbing project where I am the Quality Checker and there I was about to remind my editor why he hasn't sent the revisions yet haha! Apart from that I did my usual program grid tasks and coordinating the transfer of project files from a client to our uplink facility, I had to keep track of the numerous revised videos the client sent and made revisions to the grids accordingly! And apart from that I was also busy doing stuff because the channel  I supervise is now airing on Cignal Satelitte TV and there were marketing collaterals they were requesting. Good thing our graphic designer is not loaded with other taks so i was able to ask for help / Myvideo editor was quite efficient as well, it was such a new normal thing when I was checking the videos before he rendered it online! Apart from that, I also had to drop off some documents at my father's old office and I had to walk 20 minutes from my office and then another 20 minutes from my father's former workplace to the shuttle's terminal. I do like walking even if getting sweaty annoyed me! Still, I would rather walk than pay over 100 pesos for taxi! Money ain't easy these days!

Anyway, TeleNovela Channel Philippines is now available on CIGNAL Postpaid Plan 290 & up and Prepaid Load 200 & up. Watch us at Channel 126! This channel is turning 10 this year and I've been handling this project for nearly 8 years too! This is a small niche channel and I never thought it would last this long and I'm proud.  I really worked hard to keep this channel afloat despite very limited resources.  

 

Fingers Crossed!

My first working day for 2021! I normally work from home on Mondays but I made an exception today because I want to start the year right! So there's some good news on my work tasks as things have progressed for the project's sustainability hence my employment is secured and that's always good to hear. 

The big boss is already here as well and hopefully, there's some good news that awaits us.  I'm trying to manage my expectations by being cautiously hopeful. 

Grey

 Tonight was PBB Connect's second eviction night and the one that was voted out was a guy who got outed as someone who tweeted that he was in favor of ABS-CBN shutdown. He admitted it voluntarily in the house and for me he did look genuinely remorseful of what he did. He's also 19, probably too young to fully understand the issue. When he got evicted, I did feel sad because he knew it was coming because of his tweet and I felt the sincerity when he apologized. However, it's good that he got evicted. Host Robi said it perfectly that you can forgive but not forget and if he was saved it would be like an insult too the people working or got retrenched as well. But his case just made me think about the people I know in real life who were also like him who was in favor of the shutdown. Aside from that problematic political devotion, they are generally good people so it's really hard to permanently delete them from your life. I also think maybe they just don't really understand the deeper implications of the situation too. In a time like this of  aggressive and antagonistic political stance, a calm and sensible discourse is overshadowed by the louder voices. It's so frustrating and alarming and how I wish I am eloquent enough to convince people to examine their views. 

Streak Ends

 For the first time since 1997 I didn't listen to the radio year end charts on New Year's Eve. I've talked about ending this tradition I've had since I was 10 years old before but it was a hard habit to break but this time I just didn't have the enthusiasm anymore, I didn't get excited like I used to. I did try to listen to one but I didn't last because it's just not connecting to me anymore. I still did check out the results posted on social media and PEx eventually but I didn't have the interest to listen live on radio and anticipate as each song is revealed one by one. Maybe it's just me growing out of this hobby or maybe a part of how last year zapped the energy out of me. I thought I will be sad that I ended a long tradition but I didn't. It just felt like a natural end.

Day 1

 A very cold day on the first year of 2021. I had multiple naps in between meals today! I consumed a lot of  food today which was not good I know. I love the weather though because it is relaxing this is the weather I wanted to feel last month! Anyway, this cool weather stays for awhile. I'm cautiously hopeful for this year. I acknowledged the challenges are far from over and there are still a lot of things that is frustrating me a lot but I need to keep hope alive.