Wednesday, April 29, 2009


I'm still performing terribly at work. I AM ASHAMED ALREADY.
I don't know what to do anymore, I tried my best to make things work but just when I thought I was already progressing I faced another setback today. My work was so bad that it was made an example of a failure work! My superior was still nice though by not revealing who did that stupidity. But I can feel it he is already losing his patience with me.
Why am I having the hard time to absorb the guidelines for editing those scientific manuals?
Well, I know the answer but that's no excuse. Yes, I don't like the job nature but the pay is good and the benefits I could reap in the future are so great. But why do I feel that those reasons are not good enough for me? I know these trying times I should not be picky but I could not help but feel empty everytime I go to work. And as my work performance shows, this is not working out.
We are having a "test" this week to evaluate our work. I'm afraid I'll fail it. I might lose this job.
And even if I luckily pass, I will still not enjoy or even at least like this job, I will still yearn for that something. But I'm afraid to take the risk and search for that one. I did that last year after graduation, I waited that I will get the job but I was left heartbroken.
Growing up is so hard.

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