Sleeve

 I'm sad. All the things I've been bothering the past few weeks or so are something that most other people don't really find problematic. It's just me. I'm a weak person who found himself in a position where I need to be the stronger one. It has been this way for the past few years. I don't know I ended up this way. I ultimately have no choice in the end. I'm trapped. While I really don't regret anything because I know in the grand scheme of things, it has helped me and the people around me. But in times like this, I'm just overwhelmed with life that I can't help but wish I am somewhere else. Free with no worries not just for me but my loved ones. I wish I had the chance and position to give security to others so I can just do things my way. But it's not the case. I accept it and will bravely face each day because I always think it's not the worst-case scenario, right? I always need to keep myself in check because I don't want to manifest something bad where i feel guilty in the end. But it's just hard when you are being challenged. It's hard not not to feel like  I'm being suffocated and yet I feel immense guilt for feeling this way. It's such a conflicting feeling that so hard to handle. I'm writing this because this is really the only way I can express. No one reads this anyway. It's a open space that no one knows so it's fine. Maybe in here I can feel free.