Discomfort

This never ends. The same crap happens over and over again. I predicted this to happen. I wanted to speak out but I want to avoid drama because there's no point. All those bad energies creeping into me again. They are always in a bad mood. I hate it so much. Then this one makes a messy decision again and drags us all over again. Why do you keep on doing this? I'm so tired of being the person to mediate and the be the shock absorber. I have no choice. This is it and I have nowhere to go. Sometimes I wonder if anyone of you thinks how your actions and decisions affects other people big time. Probably not. The cycle continues. I daydream of being away from here but it's not gonna happen. I can't do it. I can't leave them behind. I can't try to do things on my own. I can't. I wish I didn't feel this way but it's a losing battle. This is what I have become. It's good thing I kept a good distance from anything else. There's no point to be something else, to do anything else, to be somewhere else because I know I will always go back here. To look over them. To try to pacify the situation. To make them feel better. To make them worry less. Be not a problem. Don't be a hassle. Other people are doing it already. No need to add to the chaos anymore. You can't afford to be selfish.
Oh Lord please grant me the strength and more patience because it's just so hard to be this way, to feel this way. I can't lose my guard down. Can't afford it/