Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Midweek Musings 16

I haven't been blogging personal stuff lately because well I don't feel like sharing it because I don't want to think about issues that has been bugging me lately as I view the Internet as an escape. But I really want an outlet right now to speak my mind so I'm laying my guard down.

I’ve been thinking about the future lately. Maybe because I will turn 24 next month and when I was young I think people who are already 25 should be settled in life already so in a way I got a wake up call that I should really start shaping my life already. So I began evaluating my life right now. Do I have a clear plan where I would take my life from now on? Where do I see myself 5 years from now?

I love my job but once again I feel like leaving and this time not because of work stress but because of the compensation. We have newly hired production assistants in the company and they are all fresh graduates and I was surprised to find out that their starting salary is the same with my current salary! I admit that stinks. Well I understand that the cost of living/ minimum wage has changed since I had this job and I did get a salary increase last year and that the company is not really that big but still I hope I can have increase this year. It’s a little frustrating. I used to not think about salary and stuff but the past year I’ve experienced things in life that made me more vigilant and conscious with my financial standing.

What frustrates me too is that we don’t have HMO / health card in the company (aside from PhilHealth of course). They say they can’t afford it right now but HMO is really important to me. I would feel more secure if I have one.

But I admit I don’t want to start all over again so I’m apprehensive if I should really actively pursue another job. It was not hard for me to leave the first two jobs I had because it was clearly a mismatch and I just want to be somewhere where I feel home. And I found it here. I’m afraid of taking a risk, of trying out something new. What’s really keeping from leaving is that this place is actually suitable for what I want to learn and experience in my career. Plus I love the people I work with, it’s hard to let that go. Yeah, sometimes stress kicks in and I feel like giving up but I know that at the end of the day that I learn from this experience and most importantly it helps me to be stronger.

So yeah I feel so confused at the moment. My heart is telling me to be patient and that good things come to those who wait but my brain is telling me that I should not settle for mediocrity and that I should get out of my comfort zone and that taking a big risk like this is essential for me to grow.

Times like this makes me long for the days when I was a student when life is not that complicated. But well all people go through this and I just think that other people have bigger problems than I have to keep things in perspective. Dear Lord please guide me in such an important stage in my life.

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